Picking apart porno

So I'm watching porno with my SO last night and after all the fun and games we're just relaxing, basking in the after glow and all that jazz... and the tape that we reciently bought was still running in the VCR.
Me being me... I was picking it apart, making fun of the makup, the tan lines, how wet (or not) the girl was, the noises, the positions, the high heels, big hair, piercings and tatoos, facial/cum faces... etc.. etc...
and my SO kind of slinked away after about 20 mins of this... So I rolled over him and kissed him and gave him a nuzzle and he kind of flinched away- knowing something was up- I asked if there was anything wrong. And he told me that I was taking all the fun out of the porno.

There is watching porno.. and WATCHING porno... and I do both, if its pooly made, I'm going to pick it out and laugh.

He also likes to watch one segment at a time, and when hes done - the tape/dvd goes off. I like to watch it all the way through.

Am I alone?
Do more women do this then men?
Does anyone else like to watch it in fast foward bc they like to get past the eeextra long "boring" parts?
Ever watch it in rewind bc it looks funny?

How do you watch porno?
how do you set yourself up, is there some small ritual for every porno you watch?

When we put in a porno, we never see more than the first five minutes. We're too busy making some action of our own. It seems that the first time cock meets pussy, we're lost in our own little world, and couldn't care less about the television.

But there are two videos that I've watched and picked apart.

One is a compilation of different 'unique' men and women...women with boobs that are larger than their heads (and yes, I say "boobs" rather than "breasts" because when you see this video you realize there IS a difference, lol). Men with enormous cocks. Women who can take 2-liter bottles. And on, and on...

I've watched that one numerous times, without getting aroused at ALL, just sitting there in awe that these people actually do exist, or that the camera angles are actually really that good.

The other one makes me sheepish to admit...

In college, I had a male roommate for a while. Nothing ever happened between us, but he was a great guy, and his fiance was really sweet. We were all pretty close. Then he moved away. That weekend, I was cleaning their old room...and found a video under the bed.

Of course, I popped it in the VCR. I mean, what else was I going to do? *snicker* And there he was, with his sweet fiance, fucking in some ways I had not imagined were possible. I haven't seen them since...ahem...except on film.

I feel SO fucking guilty now, lol.

S.

well of course not much of it is seen if its just on for a little inspiration with my SO or if I'm solo.

But when the deeds been done, and the tape is still running... then I notice the wind in the microphone, the dog in the background barking, the paleness of the guys dick compaired to the coppertone of his body...

I've Dled clips like you had mentioned, and its truly amazing what these people are capable of.. AND.. people out there get off on this I don't, but the pics and clips have been found by unsuspecting friends and they laugh and have a hard time belived that i'm actually NOT into it (bc I'm into so much...lol).

maybe its just difficult for me to accept once again, that I'm just a weirdo haha.

I've always thought that part of the fun of watching porno was the cheesiness of most of the films, i.e. women in high heels and little frilly anklets, or when you can see the shadow of the cameraman on the wall.
I rarely get turned on by pornos and yes, I do find myself fast forwarding to get to the "good parts".
I never will forget when I rented The Amazing Chubby Trilogy. Now, that was such a poor film that I don't think that anyone could be aroused by it, but it was a hoot to watch.
Anyone ever just go in the "back room" at the rental place and burst out giggling at some of the flicks in there? Kinda kills the mood, huh?

hahahahahaha.. yes the shaddows... or wondering how the camera got so damn close to that really good pounding w/o shaking the camera ( or is it shaking... and we don't notice? )

oi... 12 reads and 3 posts... someone(people) aren't fessing up!!!!

A buddy of mine used to pause pornos at extreme closeups, pull out the dry-erase markers, and start drawing X's and O's on the TV, like it was a football game.

Johnny Mayberry said:

A buddy of mine used to pause pornos at extreme closeups, pull out the dry-erase markers, and start drawing X's and O's on the TV, like it was a football game.

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Ooh, goody! A new party game!

Wickid Cherry Pie said:

Ooh, goody! A new party game!

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If memory serves, X=man, O=woman, and he would describe how without a condom, the X's would overrun the O's.

Another thing I love about porn...the music!
*Boom chicka wahwah*

I've done that using regular TV shows on tape, or news tapes ... commercials... it usually comes out around the same time we turn down the volume on the Tv... get drunk/high with friends and make up what we want them to say. I haven't done that in years though.... ::goes to find the dry erase markers:: but something that needs to be revived!

There is a LOT to complain about in today's porn. From women that are so idealistic you wonder if it might not be special effects to impossible situations. When was the last time you went for a burger and the waitress offered you not only a burger, but a blow job as well? Silly if you ask me.

A lot of today's porn turns me off instead of exciting me. Its not real, the people aren't real, the acting and dialogue are pathetic and the plot? WHAT PLOT?

Things I hate about today's porn.

a) Extreme closeups that last far too long. Anything longer than 30 seconds is too long.

b) Money shots. Fine, the guy ejaculates, being a guy myself, and strictly hetero in nature, seeing some guy pull out and jerk off over some blond bimbo doesn't do anything for me. Lets just forget the fact that jerking off doesn't feel half as good as coming inside your woman.

c) Fake women, none of these "ladies" have any noticeable blemishes, scars, obvious tan lines etc...

d) What ever happened to bush? Are today's women being born with no hair below the neckline? I have nothing against a little fur down there as long as its neat. Most of today's porn women are as bare as a 10yr old. Maybe thats its appeal. A bald pussy looks younger.

e) I have yet to see a woman orgasm in a porno. I don't know if its just because my wife is very enthusiastic or not, but never once have I seen a woman in a film come like she does with the shakes, the spasming motion afterwards, or the noise.

f) Oral scenes are too long. Ok I don't mind watching oral, but again, its too long and drawn out. You can easily get bored watching some guy, or some gal give oral if it goes on too long.

g) Impossible positions. Ok, there she is, hanging from the banister, one leg propped up on a chair, the other dangling over his shoulder. Or there she is, buck assed naked, being pounded into while standing up and leaning against a tree and we all know just how soft and smooth and comfortable that tree is. Or she's laying across a kitchen stovetop, thrashing like crazy, excuse me, but thats a burner switch she accidently hit. Good thing it was a prop stove and not connected to anything. Or here's my favorite. The man is wedged head only between her legs eating her out and he lifts her so she's dangling in mid air, completely unbalanced and off center. Fortunately he's strong, otherwise he's gonna drop her. And does every sex scene absolutely require at least 3 position changes?

h) Impossible situations!!! This one is my favorite. A guy goes in for a haircut and ends up fucking the hairdresser. Or he goes to the car wash and ends up banging this cute blond INSIDE the car wash. Or he just meets this gal and inside of 1.5 minutes she's got his dick in her mouth. How many nurses, stewardesses, waitresses, reporters, cops, decorators, doctors, whatever, do you know that would risk their entire career for 20 minutes of sex?

Porn should be designed to excite the viewer, not put the viewer into a minicam tied to the end of some guys dick.

Internet porn is even worse. For the most part its 100% staged with every photo having the woman looking at the camera instead of her lover.

The best porn I've seen is amatuer porn. The couples already have an emotional context, 9 times out of 10, they tend to forget there is even a camera present because of that context. For the slick production numbers these days? Its a waste of money in my opinion.

- Bob

I get angry too.

But I like to laugh more then I like to get mad.

whats with the high heels being the only clothing allowed?
why doesn't the guy ever take off that fucking button down shirt on older pornos?
dub over the director's calling out .... but not with cheesy music.
whats with that music anyway, i'd rather hear the girl moan.

I say you get what you pay for, which is why I wont spend more then $20 on a video. I know for $5 I'm going to get some haphazzard porno and I'll have to make do with it. lol. And some of the best porno I've seen has been $5 porno... go figure!

44 views and 11 replys... people disapoint me.

Tee-hee!
And the guys always cum like in massive amounts.
What's up with that?
And I hate fake boobs that don't jiggle or anything.

I havta say, when it comes to watching a good bit of pr0n, and here I mean like a whole movie as opposed to a short segment... it's gotta be cheesy.

I'm sorry, I'm just sick of these high priced porn actresses... well you can't even call them actresses coz the acting sucks. I watched a porn movie where the ending took 20 minutes, and there was little to no sex. And the plot was crap. Save some guy from a fire, stop some maniac, yadda yadda, you're taking yourself too seriously.

Cheesy porn is funny porn. And I'd rather watch funny porn than porn that takes itself and its storyline way too seriously and ruins the enjoyment. 20 minute no-sex ending? And you call yourself a porn movie? Shame on you.

If you can't laugh at porn what can you laugh at? I mean here you are laughing at some guy's foot-long-cock and not your man's more average NORMAL 5 or 6". Would he rather have you laughing at his technique?

It's been my experience that women for the most part don't watch your typical porno to get turned on (there are exceptions both of women and of porn though), I laugh and comment on all the porns I've seen.

It's too bland and predictable for the most part.

Girl sucks guy.
Guy eats girl.
Girl on top.
Guy From Behind.
Money Shot on Face or Ass.

AND it seems to me that you have to throw in an obligatory foot fetish reference in there somewhere as well.

SkyyAngel said:

If you can't laugh at porn what can you laugh at? I mean here you are laughing at some guy's foot-long-cock and not your man's more average NORMAL 5 or 6". Would he rather have you laughing at his technique?

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There's another thing. I feel sorry for the guy packing a foot long schlong. According to most medical websites, the average depth of a vagina is only about 5 inches. WHAT GOOD IS HAVING A FOOT LONG DICK WHEN 7 INCHES OF IT ARE GOING TO WASTE?

I am with you BlueSugar, you should watch the whole thing through. If you only get 20 minutes of use out of the porno you might just have well downloaded the oral sex and money shot from the web.
By the way BlueSugar I just live in the next town over from you if I think that I know what college you go to. The whole autumn in VT thing really gave away your location. Hope to see you at the Dog on $.50 draft night.

SkyyAngel said:

AND it seems to me that you have to throw in an obligatory foot fetish reference in there somewhere as well.

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Yuck! Feet!!!

Blue Sugar,

You asked why your lover was turned off by your humorous comments. Here's a possible insight.

We all know that porn is fantasy. Even more than theater releases. When I watch porn, either video or on the net, it is an escape to an alternate reality. Then, all of a sudden, someone comes along and makes the obvious observation that it is silly. POP! there goes the cartoon bubble in my head. Kind of like telling little kids that there fantasy heroes are just make believe.

Bursting the bubble like that would be similar to answering the phone in the middle of a wild romp.

Treeview

Treeview said:

Blue Sugar,

You asked why your lover was turned off by your humorous comments. Here's a possible insight.

We all know that porn is fantasy. Even more than theater releases. When I watch porn, either video or on the net, it is an escape to an alternate reality. Then, all of a sudden, someone comes along and makes the obvious observation that it is silly. POP! there goes the cartoon bubble in my head. Kind of like telling little kids that there fantasy heroes are just make believe.

Bursting the bubble like that would be similar to answering the phone in the middle of a wild romp.

Treeview

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I'm inclined to agree somewhat. I know porn movies are an escape. Is it a great escape? Is it supposed to be some great cinematic gem? I know beforehand when I plop in the DVD or tape that it's not going to be some great epic with wonderful plots, great dialogue, character development and such.

I guess I set porn down many many notches in regards to great movie making so I'm not anticipating much.

It's akin to watching a James Bond movie- I know roughly what's going to happen- it's based on relatively the same format everytime with a few new twists in it. But I still manage to enjoy it for what its worth.

I try to do the same with porn- I kinda know what to expect and if I get more out of it than that, I consider it a bonus. Trying to nit pick a porn movie is simple... there is so many flubs and so unrealistic, but we still keep coming back for more. I'm not saying all porn is horrid either- there are some made better than others and obviously some worse than others but hopefully we can choose good erotic ones to enjoy.

Try to enjoy it for what it's worth. Why rain on the parade??

Wickid Cherry Pie said:

Yuck! Feet!!!

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That's my impression exatly!!

i remember at some party me and my friends were watchin a really shitty porno, of course watching porn with all of your friends looking for your reaction you gotta laugh and point out their "faults". Some blonde skanky anorexic/crackwhore lookin girl rubbing her ass against a pole for some scrawny pale guy who was trying to look all tough. So gross.....and than this girl with big implants and freckles all over her tits she was on top of a guy and she wouldnt even bounce on her own! she was using this..."prop" to help her i dont even know what its calledi guess it makes it easy to "bounce" but god damn if your gonna be on top dont be so fuckin lazy, especially in a porno, your getting paid to bounce! damnit!

I dont watch that many, i usually prefer porno to be somewhat real, but it has to have a cheesy unbelievable storyline id ont know why but it just makes it more enjoyable for some reason. I dont like big implanted fake/bake tanned rich porno stars, although yes jenna jameson does rock my collective cock for some odd reason. I feel bad for picking apart porn sometimes cause than i think "shit what if i was in the porno and people were talking about that mole on my ass!" Its superficial and human all at once.

The first porn movie I saw from beginning to end without stopping or fast forwarding was the time I set up a VCR in the common room at a friend's all-girl dorm. After watching a couple of movies the girls asked if I had any porn. Silly question! I fetched a few tapes from the car and popped one in.

There were about 8 girls in the room when it started, and about 23 by the end. Every girl that walked by got one look at what was on the screen and grabbed a seat! I've never experienced the temprature in a room rise so quickly.

After the first scene the girls were ewwwing and yucking so I went to turn it off and was literally tackled and restrained! They watched the whole thing to the closing credits and enjoyed every minute of it (as did I).

Now if that doesn't make the case for cheesy porn as high art, I don't know what does!

-K

My gripe with porn has been and always will be the stupid ass dialogue! Now I don't have any objection to the naughty talk, hell I can much more easily buy that some woman is going to be screaming "FUCK ME!" then I can buy the forced bits of stupid discussion they feel must be thrown in.
I have watched porno with the hubby a few times and we generally never get through the whole thing without first screwing like rabbitts and then poking fun at the whole thing. Perhaps the best/worst use of porno dialogue I have ever seen was in a scene in which a woman with breasts the size of boulders is having a guy cum on her tits, a guy eat her pussy, and another give her anal all on the side of some country road in the back of a pick up. The men all have the obligatory pull out and cum on her bit and when one tells her what a great fuck she is she says deadpan to the camera, " But shouldn't there be more to our relationship? What about feelings baby?"
The only thing that has topped that so far is watching a scene in a courtroom in which the lawyers and the defendants are all gang banging the court reporter and they hoist her up onto the judges bench so that he can whip out his cock, bang it against her tis until he cums and call " order in the court!!"

my 2 cents here....half the fun of porn is picking apart the sheer lack of skill or talent. Especially when there is supposed to be a story line.