Potty Training Nightmares

Hi everybody.. ok.. we{myself and my wife aka 5pintshefound} need help. we've got a 4 yr old that we're potty training- and before anybody freaks cause hes 4, let me tell you why.. when he was 2 yrs old he was severly burned at the babysitters, and regressed severely.. put him a long ways back from where he should have been.

Kyle is 4 now {bday 12-5} and is potty training. He will wear underwear during hte day, and will pee if you ask him too. he wont go to the bathroom on his own--you HAVE to remind him to go. this has been going on for almost 8 weeks. but!!!! in that time he has poo-ed once in the toilet. just once. he wont go. he'll come and tell you once hes doen it, but nothing we do seems to get him to understand that poop is sposed to go from your bottom to the toilet, and not hit the undershorts on the way. he DOES understand that poop goes in the potty, but thats it. While i was at work today, Kyle pooped in his shorts 5 times. so thats 5 times that my wife had to clean his ass.
another note to make, my wife is 28 weeks pregnant. so this is even worse. any suggestions!!?!?!?! the 2nd is due in March, and we DEFINATELY want him trained by then... thanks to all,
~~L5P and 5PHF

Lots of m&m's and no pressure. When we potty trained our kids we just used a bag of m&m's as rewards. 1 m&m for just trying, 2 for actually going pee in the toilet and 3 for poop......really on the poop we would give a bunch more, but hey. But the most important part is not getting mad or let them see you frustrated and really celebrate when they actually do it.

Just let him go at his own pace and stock up on m&m's

First off, I used to occasionally watch my boss's 4 yr. old twins when I was in college. They weren't potty trained either, and they just gradually got used to the idea of the toilet. Unfortunately, their parents never fed them vegetables, so on the diet of chicken fingers, fries, and pizza, there were some serious constipation issues as well, but that's beside the point.

I assume you've tried the traditional methods of letting him see you all use the bathroom, and learning by experience, and the wealth of children's books that have to do with the bathroom? It would be easier with more time, but just don't let your feeling of a deadline and pressure influence him, as it will be that much harder. Difficult as it must be, particularly for your wife, just try to be patient, and make sure he feels rewarded and successful when he does use the toilet. Tell him when you're going to go, so that he learns you can decide on your own, and let him watch. A good friend's child is being potty trained right now, and she is thrilled whenever anyone uses the restroom. Last time she came over with her parents, she insisted on coming into the bathroom with me, and was very disappointed that I didn't go poo, and told me all about the last time that she had. You could tell she was very proud of her accomplishment. She did demand to examine the toilet before I flushed though.... have to love kids!

Tons of praise when he does go! Wow what a big boy you are!! yayyyyy Always ask him if he wants to flush LOL they love that (most kids) Doesn't matter if a child is 2 or 4 years old,it matters if there ready...your son seems like he's just about there! The fact that he tells you when he has gone is a good thing,a little praise for the fact that he has told you,and NO getting angry or frustrated because it wasn't in the toilet.
Rewards and praise work for some children ,others just need the praise.
Monitor him closer,really close.Most kids have little warning signs just before,such as hiding,behind kitchen chairs,couches ,or just hanging over the sides of them,or even running to their room to be alone...if you catch on to the warning signs it makes it easier,ask him if he needs to go...if he says a LOUD NO ...then he's not quite ready yet to be completely trained....just keep asking...i remember thinking i would never have my son trained and just like that one day he decided he wanted to go on the toilet ...not one accident since he decided.Good luck to you!!

I have heard that boys are harder to toilet train than girls. I definitely agree with the rewards, candies for trying even if unsuccessful.

You might want to fill your toilet full of magic water by putting one of those blue 2000 flushes in so the water changes color when the urine hits it. Makes it even more of a game. Or throw Cheerios in so he has a target to hit. Might make it more fun and make him want to initiate peeing in the toilet.

My daughter wouldn't poo on the toilet for a long time either. But would use one of those port-a-poties and had to have it in the living room. I think a toilet it pretty big when you're that small, and maybe there's a bit of a fear of falling in as well. Once my daughter got the hang of the potty then she progressed to the toilet very quickly.

Have you tried using the pull ups? That would make the accidents easier to clean up as well until he masters it. But hang in there...I don't recall anybody in my daughter's kindergarten class that weren't toilet trained. I'm sure he'll get it when you think you just can't take it any longer, or wait...are you already there? LOL

Put cherios in the toilet, play the sinking the ship game... or a wad of toilet paper and sink it ... It worked for a friend of mine.

I'm going through this same thing with my 2 1/2 year old. I'm also pregnant (due in May) so I understand the urgency.

The only additional thing I have heard of (but not yet tried) is letting him run around without clothes from the waist down. Basically, you block out a weekend for doing nothing but potty training. Put a potty chair in the living room or wherever you spend most of your time and wait. If it so much as looks like your son is going to poop you put him on the potty.

It goes without saying that this method may involve having to get the carpet steam cleaned when all is said and done.

Good luck. Keep us updated.

did a little research in the family...

my aunt used little treats when they went potty (she has 2 boy/2 girls now) a cookie, a mini pack of m&ms... a little insentive.

other aunt (one of each, children) used washable markers and stuff to draw in and on the toilet to not make it so scary.

I said cherios ( the women had 3 sons)

My mother gave me a nice pair of panties, little silky ones, and I never wanted to ruin them so thats how I was trained.
For my brothers she put a little bathroom cup in the toilet and told them to sink it by filling it up, and if it sunk they got to pick out a coloring book or a little 50c knicknack in those 25c machines when they went out food/etc shopping.
( 4 children 2 boys, 2 girls)

Most of us had to be trained by pre school. Good Luck !

Blue sugar brings up a good point that i forgot to mention. We went to the store and let our kids pick out underwear that they liked. It helped because they would never want to mess them up. Who would want to poop on Elmo....lol

We haven't had problems with poop but my step son is almost 10 and still has bed wetting problems.

He was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome which is basically a syndrome related to high functioning autism (very high, in fact you wouldn't know he had it unless you know what to look for).

When he was younger he would be doing something and instead of going to the bathroom he would just pee in his pants so he didn't have to quit doing what he wnated to.

He used to pee the bed 2 times a night and wake us up to come change the sheets.

We talked with a couple different doctors and did a lot of research and it comes down to there are physical reasons why some children pee the bid such as a small bladder. Also when we sleep our bodies create a hormone that slows urine production, some children don't make this or don't make enough of it.

Stress, yelling, or punishment will not work unless they are doing it on purpose, he has goodnites which are basically pullups for older children (they go all the way to over 90 pounds)

He doesn't pee his pants at all when he is awake now, just at night.

There has been a lot of good advice, the older a child gets without being potty trained the more of a set pattern they are in when you want to break it.

Going 5 times a day is pretty good to begin with, you can get the booster seats for the toilet (I don't recommend using the stand alone toilets, you still have to clean them and you still have to train them to use the real toilet).

Most the doctors we talked too said offer encouragement but don't get extremely excited, because they feel like a failure if they have an accident.

Sounds like you've got lots of good advice already - but I would stress: Take a week off - put a potty in the middle of the living room floor and don't put him in the pull ups - put him in regular 'big boy' undies.

The pull ups keep him from feeling the wetness. He needs to associate the wet undies with the peeing - eventually he'll get the idea - to avoid those wet undies - get to the potty when he feels the urge to pee.

I do believe that waiting too long is worst than trying to potty train too early. I understand you have extenuating circumstances - but to other parents out there - its MUCH easier to potty train an 18 month old than a 2 1/2 yr. old. MUCH easier........

I used to let our kids run around with no nappies on during the warmer days, so they got to associate "that" feeling with peeing, also used little knickers that felt real uncomfortable when wet! I used to leave the potty in the lounge in plain view and if they used it they got a small sweet as a reward. When my son was small and he graduated to using the toilet I had a small box for him to stand on, and his reward was getting to flush the toilet himself (BIG thrill to a 2 1/2 year old!). I bought a training seat that fitted under the big seat on the toilet (it can be rather scary for a little one trying to balance on the ordinary toilet seat).

My son was still having wet nappies at night at 3 1/2, because he was such a deep sleeper he just wouldn't wake. In the end I took him out of nappies, put a plastic sheet on the bed and would wake him to go potty before I went to bed (and usually his bladder was full or he'd already wet the bed sometimes). If he was dry the next morning there was also a small reward. It took time but he was dry at night by just over 4 years old. My daughter was a lot quicker, she was dry during the day at 2 and at night by 2 1/2.

This was quite a few years ago, and I think that with the widespread use of super absorbent disposable nappies kids don't feel the wetness like they used to when using the cloth ones, so the connection isn't made between peeing and being uncomfortable! And how did our grandmothers get on, with a baby born every couple of years, and much bigger families than now