... encourage new things

Okay.

So I am wanting experiences from people who have started out kinda slow with sexual experimentation but increased it.

This is going to be a conversation about communication and experimentation and fun and NEWNESS.

Random (hypothetical) situation:
Female in a longterm relationship decides that she wants to try something she may have seen somewhere (just for the fun of it, we'll say Lit) and isn't sure how to bring it up with her male SO.
For whatever reason, she's a little leery of talking about it with him. She could be afraid that he'll look at her like she's crazy. She could have a fear of sexual talk. She could have any number of reasons for being afraid of bringing up the topic. Yet she is still interested in trying those new things and wants to figure out a way in which to do so while minimalizing the likelihood of being rejected.

So I guess here's the basics:
Someone wants to experiment a little more. For whatever reason.
What are different ways you've introduced more experimentation? In any situation?
How did you overcome fear of rejection?
How did you overcome *mild* taboo worries?
(I'm not talking deep seated convictions here)
How did you encourage your SO to talk about their interests beyond what you've already tried?
How have you encouraged that sort of communication in general?


Discuss.

Ang

Started a few games of 'Simon Says' on mobile phone text messages.

It never ceases to surprise me just what Simon can get away with over the phone. Dirty little tyke!!

Great idea -- love it.
But what if the people aren't technology inclined -- or just lost their phones? What then?

OH NO!!!

Ang

I haven't tried it myself, but I'd think that sexy little hand written messages left where my SO could find it would be really nice. Or for a long distance relationship, like mine, this could be changed into writing letters that basically said the same thing. That would be fun because I could spend the time to write what I want to do to him next time I see him, I can find a way to suggest something new without scaring him, and then when he gets it, he can read it alone. I think it would be more erotic than through e-mail or instant messages.

College_geek said:

I haven't tried it myself, but I'd think that sexy little hand written messages left where my SO could find it would be really nice. Or for a long distance relationship, like mine, this could be changed into writing letters that basically said the same thing. That would be fun because I could spend the time to write what I want to do to him next time I see him, I can find a way to suggest something new without scaring him, and then when he gets it, he can read it alone. I think it would be more erotic than through e-mail or instant messages.

Click to expand...

O.O if you did something like that I be ecstatic dearest. That is soooo erotic.

-Zergplex

Ang, this could be an interesting thread, one to watch for sure. I have zero experience in trying to expand horizons despite some serious interest, for some of the same reasons your hypothetical random woman has.So I'll be paying attention and hoping to learn right along with you.

Great topic CF. I'm going to think about this over the next few days. We've been enjoying a bit of a post little children sexual renaisance around here so I'll try to identify things that have worked for us that might be useful. I'm looking forward to picking up some ideas too! Here's a couple of easy and quite "safe" ways of introducing new ideas.

A couple of years ago for Fathers's Day, I bought my husband a very beautiful book of erotic photos, classy, stylish and very hot. We looked (and continue to) at that book in bed together and it sparked a couple of very interesting converstaions that led to even more interesting activities.

A comment from me as simple as "God she looks hot" about a woman with her her hand at her pussy led to "It's so sexy when you show me..." that of course led to some of the real thing. Up until then I don't think I'd fully grasped how much men in general like to see a woman play with herself. Very erotic, very powerful and just a little photo that sparked a conversation that sparked a whole range of very lustful play that has become part of repetoire.
That and other books have led to quite a few new and exciting experiences. It's funny because we sometimes jokingly call the book thing "The Menu".

Another one that I like but have yet to use, comes from the writer, Joan Elizabeth Lloyd and is what she calls Bookmarking.
You read something you like, maybe the description of a fantasy etc and leave the page bookmarked for your partner to read. As she says"One of two things can happen. One: He or she may be titillated by the idea. Fabulous! Two:You two have begun a communication that can make your desire come true." Her books are very encouraging of anyone wanting to introduce new ideas.

Personally the photo idea works for us. Will think of some others...

When we were in the honeymoon phase of our marriage I told my wife that I hoped we could be experimental in the years to come. She agreed but put down a few basic boundaries. The topic sort of died there for a while (but we were newlyweds).

My wife gave me two hand written "I'll do whatever you want me to do" coupons for a wedding aniversary a few years ago. I asked her if she really expected it to be anything but sex. She didn't (I guess that I'm transparent), so I basically said "what if I wanted to do <my fantasy here>?" She reminded me that she would try anything once. I had been worried about her reaction while she had been waiting for me to take the initiative. What a relief!

I wrote her a love letter telling her how exciting I thought it would be, and I went into detail about how I imagined it (my first erotic story, I suppose) and left it on her pillow when I went to work. I came home from work to a very ready wife.

Come to think of it, I never used that second coupon. I wonder what I did with it?

Uh... are you like dropping hints babe? Cause if ya are... remember that old line "... N is for Knowledge."

J

You're going to be busy...

ABN you are going to be a busy man if all these ideas end up in your bedroom! Sounds like fun to me. That CelticFrog is nothing if not shrewd and adventurous!
Seriously it would be lovely to hear if anyone uses a new idea and how it works out.

After 15 years, we're trying BDSM! I never even imagined we'd undertake something like this (I didn't even know what it was until a year ago). I'm playing submissive to get things started. We started slowly, with blindfold only and a rider's whip and have now gotten some restraints and a gag ball (you know, the kind from Pulp Fiction - go get the gimp). So far I LOVE it!!! Any advice on "how to" proceed?

The being busy don't bug me... But let's face it... I'm a guy... I don't understand subtlety... I'm as subtle as one of those WW2 carpet bombing missions. I need it spelled out for me... preferably in big bright neon letters, or crayon. Crayon is good. Refer back to my original post... Rangers ain't the smartest monkies in the tree, but I'm still in the friggen tree. Something about the parachute keeping me there. Anywho... Ranger out.

J

freddyandeddy said:

After 15 years, we're trying BDSM! I never even imagined we'd undertake something like this (I didn't even know what it was until a year ago). I'm playing submissive to get things started. We started slowly, with blindfold only and a rider's whip and have now gotten some restraints and a gag ball (you know, the kind from Pulp Fiction - go get the gimp). So far I LOVE it!!! Any advice on "how to" proceed?

Click to expand...

Quite honestly, freddy, I don't see how this is helpful to this thread in any way. So if you want to ask that question, don't hijack my worthwhile thread like you've done to others. Start your own.

Ang

I love all these ideas!
I think I'm going to use and adapt them.
midwestyankee -- am I THAT transparent?

Darling dearest,
yes. I'm hinting. Because I have seen you wrinkle your nose at things outside the bedroom and I would be terrified of getting that reaction to something I bring up as interesting and possibly worthy of trying.

Why is it easier for me to say something like that in front of all these people? Another good question.

So I will work on my boldness. Tough for a girl who much prefers the sub side of things.

Ang

I have never been in a relationship where a woman has been ... how do I say, sexually adventurous. (where is that spell checker when you need one) I have dreamed of that but never had it. I tired to get my ex to do things only to have her think I was a sex addict. And I wasn't even talking about kinky things. Come to find out it was most of her problems with sex anyway, but that is another story. I have always thought it would be cool for the SO to leave me notes that I would find later at work or call me up and tell me in a sexy voice what she was going to do to me when I got home. Or send me short emails thru out the day with numbered steps of seduction that she planned for the night. Or plan a special weekend away with a list of things that she wanted to pack and I had to choose my fav from the list. Heck I don't know too many guys that will turn down a woman who wants to expand her horizons. Well ok... if he is gay maybe...

Spenser41 said:

Or plan a special weekend away with a list of things that she wanted to pack and I had to choose my fav from the list.

Click to expand...

Hm. We DO have a night planned at The Anniversary Inn Wednesday night. And I still haven't decided what's getting packed out of the toy box. I was considering making that a surprise, but maybe now I'll enlist Ranger's help.

Honey?


Ang

This may seem pretty lame compared to the others but hubby and I each made a list of what we would like to try and then swapped lists and discussed the ones we were willing to do.

It's not lame. It's good.
I've written a fairly short list of SOME things I'd like to try. Never asked Ranger to do the same for me. And I kept some of my more adventurous things off the list.

Thanks. I'll try blunt shared lists next time.
Ang

CelticFrog said:

It's not lame. It's good.
I've written a fairly short list of SOME things I'd like to try. Never asked Ranger to do the same for me. And I kept some of my more adventurous things off the list.

Thanks. I'll try blunt shared lists next time.
Ang

Click to expand...

He says his favorite thing is to just get me drunk and I'll try all kinds of new things. 8 beers and 6 shots later I'm doing my best friend. LMAO!

This is going to be a conversation about communication and experimentation and fun and NEWNESS.

I wasn't trying to hijack you - honest! If I expound more on the process of getting to trying BDSM, is this more relevant to what you're looking for?

Hehe. Maybe this is obvious and over-simplistic. Just wait till he's all hot and ready, then innocently say "Let's try <you fill in the blank> right now."

The cute and innocent obvious statements seemed to work for me.

How did the Anniversary Inn go??

CelticFrog said:

Hm. We DO have a night planned at The Anniversary Inn Wednesday night. And I still haven't decided what's getting packed out of the toy box. I was considering making that a surprise, but maybe now I'll enlist Ranger's help.

Honey?


Ang

Click to expand...

Hey Celtic, we have always had a ton of fun at the Anniversaryinn, we particularly liked the Presidential though it is pretty expensive.

Their DVD collection isn't bad either, in one of the rooms we rented the table base was a fish tank and the table clear glass, pretty neat watching the little fish while you are eating dinner.

Plus you gotta love the oversized jacuzzi tubs :-D

Ranger and I have been to the Anniversary Inn once before -- stayed in the Mysteries of Egypt room.
(I think I'll have to start a whole thread on the Anniversary Inn... otherwise I'll hijack my own thread with a whole 'nother topic! And I'll even make it into a How To question!!!)

Naive One, I would LOVE to be able to just come right out and say, "Hey. Let's try *this* tonight." But some things I am afraid of broaching the topic of because they are things that would feasibly turn some people off. And I am NOT about to jeopardize a night of great sex just for a kink I'd like to experiment with.

What would you do to bring up something like that in a regular, 'during the day' conversation with your SO?

Ang

well you could invent a story about recurrent dreams...that you need to exorcise them by acting out...see if he/she warms to the idea...

or perhaps demonstrate with puppets...don't be too subtle..paint "me" on the chained, spread eagled puppet and "marquisa desade" on the other puppet..

or take her to a nice dinner and surprise her with "your new friend" after being seated..

ok there's three decent ideas right there...anyone else have any advice ?

fyi...i just lifted this from an earlier post...because i think the ideas are likely to have good results and because i'm lazy too...

CelticFrog said:

I would LOVE to be able to just come right out and say, "Hey. Let's try *this* tonight." But some things I am afraid of broaching the topic of because they are things that would feasibly turn some people off.

Click to expand...

How about starting a thread that you know your SO will read. Hint and beat around the bush that there's something you want to try but you're afraid that he'll be turned off by until (exasperated) he finally says, "What could possibly be that bad?"



Seriously, he might like it too you know. Here are some (untried) ideas ... The letter that I wrote my wife seemed to warm her up to the idea but I also could have said "this isn't working out like the story, is it?" if it looked like she really didn't like it (or the fantasy was better than reality for me). How about finding a story that really does a good job of showing how hot you think it can be? Offer to trade reading fantasy stories every wednesday night. Work your way up from mild (but hot) to wild and to the point.