The question as old as time

You might be asking what this question is. Its the almighty: how to get her off. I have had no trouble in the past with girls. I would get them off 7-8 times in a row(no joke), but this girl has never in her life. The oddest thing about her, if that she feels absolutly no pleasure from her clit!?!?! She feels some, but only when being penitrated as well. Is there any sort of thing that I can try to make her clit feel at least something?!

Have you tried a pair of jumper cables?

Seriously though, I have known women who could only "get off" by penetration. Look for other areas of her body that are E zones. Maybe stimulation of the nipples is her thing.

And maybe it isn't the amount of stimulation as much as how it is. Ask her for her advice and by all means keep at it.

This may be to personal but does she mastuerbate? If so, how does she get herself off?
If not, perhaps she should to learn what pleasures her. http://www.tootimid.com/female/masturabation/information.htm was pretty helpful when I first started.
Hmm... other then that- have you tried G-spot stimulation? Not all women have sensative clits, though for the life of me I can't imagine why hers would be unresponsive like that. Maybe an accident, mental hang up... um... try a vibrator on it? Might do something.
If she's open to it, then anal may be her thing as well.
Sorry if this seems dazed- I feel so bad for her, not able to have a clitoral orgasm... how awful.

SuicideSurvivor said:

You might be asking what this question is. Its the almighty: how to get her off. I have had no trouble in the past with girls. I would get them off 7-8 times in a row(no joke), but this girl has never in her life. The oddest thing about her, if that she feels absolutly no pleasure from her clit!?!?! She feels some, but only when being penitrated as well. Is there any sort of thing that I can try to make her clit feel at least something?!

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My first thought is...it doesn't sound like you are doing anything 'wrong', per se. Sure, women are built differently but if you could experiment enough to find what got each woman off, surely you can find what works for her too. Saying she has no sensitivity in her clit jumped out at me and my first thought was...get her to a doctor. Fast. Just to make sure there is nothing wrong, and if there is something wrong, to find out what it is.

After that...wow. There have been times in my life when I didn't get off on anything at ALL but deep penetration. It is still the easiest way to send me over the edge. But to not have pleasure from clitoral stimulation?

Ummm...jeez.

S.

she doesn't even get off from penitration. It feels good to her but she's never orgasumed over. She doesn't masterabte either, her roomate does 3-4 times a day but she never has. I have talked with her about maybe trying to do it herself while i was there doing everything, and she said ok, but we havent really been messing around lately so we havent tried it. maybe that'll work.
I am as astounded as you guys by her not feeling pleasure. And about the g spot, she likes when i go near it, but focusing on it she says hurts. She screams and maons at other things, louder than anyone i've ever made cum, but not at the normal things, and she enver gets off

At the risk of being obnoxious...

I think your friend needs to get to know her body better. What feels good, what doesn't, how things work, etc.

If I were back in college and it were the '70s I'd wonder where her copy of Our Body Our Selves is. Plenty of them available at used book sales.

Betty Dodson may be a good reference for her as well. I really enjoyed, and learned, from reading her stuff. She taught me stuff about masturbating that I'd never really considered - and I've been masturbating for as long as I can remember.

And there's always patience, and understanding, and not trying so hard but just enjoying what you're doing. Performance anxiety can get in the way - even when you're all alone and exploring your body all by yourself.

Good luck

SuicideSurvivor said:

she doesn't even get off from penitration. It feels good to her but she's never orgasumed over. She doesn't masterabte either, her roomate does 3-4 times a day but she never has. I have talked with her about maybe trying to do it herself while i was there doing everything, and she said ok, but we havent really been messing around lately so we havent tried it. maybe that'll work.
I am as astounded as you guys by her not feeling pleasure. And about the g spot, she likes when i go near it, but focusing on it she says hurts. She screams and maons at other things, louder than anyone i've ever made cum, but not at the normal things, and she enver gets off

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It sounds like she is going through all the motions but has no idea what her body is doing, what her body likes, and what her body needs to get off.

The woman needs to pay more attention to her body before she can tell anyone else what works. Buy her a nice vibrator and a small bottle of lube, and start experimenting. She needs it.

S.

what is most messed up about the situation is that she's no stranger to men. She's had more partners in the last year than i'll have in my whole life. I am still a virgin, and like to think that being a virgin, and having done what i do with so many girls would give me to ability to get her off, but alas it doesn't. She really shows no interest in getting off either, which is strange to me.

Hmmm.... I can see why you're upset. I know, personally, that I would be very worried that I were performing poorly. But I really don't think you need to worry about that, for a number of reasons.

First, you've had great success in the past. OK, maybe you're still learning, because we're ALL still learning, but you take care of business, and you take care of it well by all reports.

Second, every woman is different, and you clearly already know that if you've been that satisfying to your previous lovers.

Third, every woman's orgasm is different, and every orgasm in itself is also different. I've know women who thought they had never orgasmed, and it turned out that they had been all along, just didn't ever have the stars and lights and earthquakes that others get. It doesn't mean that they don't enjoy it, or that they don't reach a peak.

Fourth, I kind of used to be the same way myself. When I first became sexually active, it felt good, but I never orgasmed. When I finally did, it was by myself, and keep in mind I had been masturbating for a couple years at this point before I actually came. As I got to know my body better, and experiment more, I've become incredibly sexually aware, multi-orgasmic to a degree that most people can't believe, and in general, well, I need it a lot more.

Basically, take your time. Pay attention to her, and ask her about her fantasies. Don't pressure her, just accept what she has to give, and eventually, you both will get through it. Get inside her head and arouse her from there first. Learn to accept that while she may not be having an orgasm, she is enjoying herself greatly. And accept that this makes you a considerate, generous lover.

Oh she enjoys the hell out of it and shows this, and i am a generous lover. It normaly gets to the point that she stops me because i've been going at it so long.
OH I FORGOT! the big thing that freaks me out, she doesn't like receiving oral sex!!!!!
*thanks for believing me, this is all true, though it sounds perposterous*

Everybody doesn't like something. Just be patient, and sweet and, if fate wills it, things will work themselves out.

wacky

I used to dislike - even hate - oral. I eventually got over it. There are a good few threads floating around about girls who dislike oral, and how to change them - try the search feature.

That said, maybe it isn't her nipples, either. My sweet spot is down my spine, especially where it curves in the most, most of the way down my back. I've joked with my boy that I got shorted on the nerve endings in the nipples, they all wound up in my back. Back of my neck, back in general, down the spine, my ass - sensitive like you wouldn't believe. Plus I just love looking over my shoulder at someone fucking me, and leaning back to kiss him.

Every chick is different - I like good strong penetration more than lots of clit play - I don't get off that often, but when I do, it's great, and it's not about the ending, it's about the trip. <shrug>

Good luck with her.

SuicideSurvivor said:

what is most messed up about the situation is that she's no stranger to men. She's had more partners in the last year than i'll have in my whole life. I am still a virgin, and like to think that being a virgin, and having done what i do with so many girls would give me to ability to get her off, but alas it doesn't. She really shows no interest in getting off either, which is strange to me.

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She can be with hundreds of men and still not know her own body well enough to tell you where that 'sweet spot' is.

Have you tried taking it VERY slow? Touching every inch of her skin, using different textures like feathers or satin, playing with different degrees of touch and combinations of places you touch at the same time?

Hmmm...

S.

Perhaps she has a hooded clitoris. Here's a good layperson's explanation:

All women have a hood (prepuce), which covers their clitoral gland (head); that hood is movable by pulling up on the inner lips, or labia minora. Women with a 'hooded' clitoris have a thickened membrane that protects the actual 'pearl' that is the clitoris. Often, before discovering the condition, a woman reports such problems as dulled sensation, no orgasms or complaints from partners who have been unable to rub them to ecstasy. Because most women require direct or indirect clitoral stimulation to reach a climax, having a hood can be a problem for pleasure and especially for that orgasmic release. Your gynaecologist is excellent for detecting your 'hood'.

This condition can become a difficulty for women of all ages. The issue is not age or ageing - it's how it affects your sexuality, your sense of self as a woman and your sexual response. If, up till now, you have never experienced troubles in that department, then be grateful. If, instead, this has been a lifelong issue that has contributed to dampening your sexual pleasure, alone or with a lover, then you certainly have options.

Usually, you can open up the hooded cover by applying natural oil on a cotton bud. Gently insert it under the hood around the perimeter. Doing this deliberately and steadily, on a daily basis, may release its grip. If you are truly hooded, where the tissue is grown over the clitoral area, then surgery may be in order. Ask your gynaecologist to advise you on the severity of your condition and consider having it loosened under the surgical knife. Don't concern yourself with thoughts of taking pills or increasing your hormone replacement therapy as the problem is purely mechanical. But think through your options thoroughly because surgery should never be undertaken lightly.

SuicideSurvivor said:

what is most messed up about the situation is that she's no stranger to men. She's had more partners in the last year than i'll have in my whole life. I am still a virgin, and like to think that being a virgin, and having done what i do with so many girls would give me to ability to get her off, but alas it doesn't. She really shows no interest in getting off either, which is strange to me.

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This is the part that caught my attention. How long have you been together? I'm guessing not very. And to make another leap -- that she is an abuse survivor. Thus the many partners, yet a lack of interest in getting off. More leaps, but all of this sounds to me like a possible trust issue -- not wanting to let go.

Also, what is she screaming and moaning about? If it's for real, and not just to make you feel good, it might give you some hints about things to try. (Please try not to judge her or feel bad if she's faking or exagerrating to please you, as may be possible.)

I could be way off the map with all of this but if you can find a way to gently ask about possible abuse, it could help you figure this out. Have you asked her about her first time for instance? You sound like a sweetheart. How is your relationship and communication outside of bed?

thanls for the advice, but i think im gonna break up with her, not over that

our relationship has been rocky since day one, which was not long ago. She was a very permiscuous person before we meet. I was not, not because i didnt want to but really couldn't . I'm not bad looknig, but not in the scene to get one night stands, where as she is georgous and can. I have been over the whol realtionship trying to get a grip with the fact that she was very lose before me, and with me is very much the oppossite. She tells me I "should feel lucky" when i even get one kiss, much less multiple. She refuses to make out more than once a week, and doing more than that is vitualy unheard of unless she is drunk to the point she doesn't remember. I'm having ahard time with the fact that she used to be so permiscuous but with me, though she says she is very physicaly interested, isn't physicaly interested at all. She was just here, its the last night at school for a week, and got up and left to hang out with her guy friends. I (as my screen name might suggest) am not taking this perfectly right now. I'm good, don't be scared. If anyones out there with advice hit me up, thanks.

Well, I think your idea of not being with her anymore is a good one considering your take on the physicality she expressed before you but refuses to with you.

In my opinion, that's bullshit.

I think that you'd be much better off with someone who can at least appreciate the fact that you try to make sexual relations in any fashion enjoyable for her.

The abuse question is relevant, but I don't think in this case that it's something I personally would agree with. I think it's more likely that she has a codependent personality (from the most recent post) and also has some psychological blocks to orgasm AND committed sex. Seems to me like she'd rather have the one night stands right now, and hell, there are all sorts that prefer that.

Doesn't seem to me that you're into the one night stand life, SS. That's a good thing in my book. So what can you do to find someone who won't screw you over in basically every facet of a relationship? You're being denied physical affection horribly. It doesn't seem like she's bringing anything to the table.

Okay, THAT was long winded.

My Three.
Ang

i didn't have a clitoral orgasm until i was about 22... was always into my gspot...


but suddenly my clit kicked in and now want to rub it all day long!

sometimes things such as being on the pill can effect arousal.....


keep going babe

I always found it difficult to believe it when people say they are not able to get an orgasm (especially a lot of women i've heard of), for someone who is able to have one. But I came to accept it as a serious problem with psychological or physical origin. So I think that is a problem to be taken seriously and as I've heard can be helped by professional advice.
Then again it is to be found out whether it is really this kind of problem or if it has to do with the act of love-making itself, i.e. the lover can find ways to make her actually have an orgasm.
Anyways I wish all the best of luck to you,
Snoopy

My sister-in-law was 50 before she had her first one. Damn that would suck so bad to be non-orgasmic! What the hell would I do every morning before I get out of bed?

she come over last night, probably while some of you were posting, and we layed and watched a movie for about two hours, then stuff started to happen. She actualy started to feel stuff from her clit, i screamed like a little school girl, whether audible or not i'm not sure. I talked to her about the possibility that she jsut has weaker orgasums(like someone suggested) and she said that might be true, and if it is she had one with me before. She actauly started to cry last nigh tit felt so good, so w/o orgasum is good enough for her. But is it for me?

Hey Dude, if you really are a suicide survivor, why are you messin' with crazy women? And I say this as a crazy woman. Seriously, I'll probably get flamed today for all the cranky, irritable, straight talk I've been doing but seriously I worry about you. You sound young and a little confused and like you are getting sucked into something that may not be good for you.

Why is a girl who sleeps around massively, without coming, fooling around with a guy who is a self-described virgin? And why does she call it off and then come back? And say she's physically attracted but won't have sex with you, when she had it with others? Something seems off about all this. Is she trying to be a 'born again' virgin? If it's confusing us, I can't imagine what it's doing to you.
Hmm, now you said she won't have sex with you and doesn't want oral. So hands only? Kinda limits your options, unless you use toys. And if She doesn't want an orgasm for herself, why do you?

I'm just ranting on and will stop now. Ignore all of the above if it doesn't seem helpful.

Phoenix Stone said:

Hey Dude, if you really are a suicide survivor, why are you messin' with crazy women? And I say this as a crazy woman. Seriously, I'll probably get flamed today for all the cranky, irritable, straight talk I've been doing but seriously I worry about you. You sound young and a little confused and like you are getting sucked into something that may not be good for you.

Why is a girl who sleeps around massively, without coming, fooling around with a guy who is a self-described virgin? And why does she call it off and then come back? And say she's physically attracted but won't have sex with you, when she had it with others? Something seems off about all this. Is she trying to be a 'born again' virgin? If it's confusing us, I can't imagine what it's doing to you.
Hmm, now you said she won't have sex with you and doesn't want oral. So hands only? Kinda limits your options, unless you use toys. And if She doesn't want an orgasm for herself, why do you?

I'm just ranting on and will stop now. Ignore all of the above if it doesn't seem helpful.

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Damn, woman. You need to post like this more often.

Blunt but good stuff.

S.

LOL

Thanks, Sheath, and for the sweet comments on your 'feed your soul' thread. Getting testy in my old age (45 next month.)

Or maybe that should be