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How much does sex change things?

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CodeRed316

Experienced
Joined
Jul 17, 2002
Posts
96
I never thought I'd see the day where I'd ask this question, but here goes......my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost three months. I'm totally in love with her, and she feels the exact same way about me. The nights we spend together usually end with an hour or so of really intense making out and touching. I think I'm ready to take that next step, I really want to make love to her. The question I have is, is this going to change our relationship? Am I going to become a sex-crazed maniac who isn't satisfied unless we're doing it? Or will she be disappointed with my lack of sexual experience? Will sex change things?
 
If she's happy with your skills in making out and heavy petting, I doubt she's going to complain about a lack of experiance. You could read through some of the "My first time" stories on Lit for some ideas on what to expext.
Sex does change things. In my relationship, we were closer on another level. I've seen other relationships fall apart after sex. Depends on the relationship. It takes many many things to make a successful relationship and making love should be icing on a well made cake, not the entire dessert, you know?
 
Of course it will change things.

How...I dont know. I think for anyone to help you there, we would have to know both of you and know all about your relationship.
 
Intimacy of this sort always alters a relationship. I suppose in a few rare cases it may alter it for the worse, but generally speaking its usually a change for the better.

Considering your stated lack of experience, I think it would be best to be upfront and totally honest about it with your girlfriend. If she really cares for you and has more experience than you do, she'll be willing to help you learn the ropes, and if she's inexperienced herself, then you can both learn together.

There are no rights and wrongs about sex between two people with a deep emotional attachment. There are books by the hundreds and websites by the millions purporting to teach you how to be a better lover. But if you learn that 75% of love making is trying to please your partner, then the remaining 25% is purely mechanics and you'll learn them easy enough.

Taking that final step from dating to physical intimacy is something you both need to be ready for. It wouldn't really hurt to sit her down and talk to her about it.
 
i think

i think the fact that me and my girlfriend having sex did change our relationship. after we had sex our relationship become almost nothing but physical. i dont know thats my experience
 
CodeRed316 said:
The question I have is, is this going to change our relationship?
Click to expand...

The simple answer is, "YES, sex will change your relationship."

A more useful answer is, "Only as much as you let it."

There are a whole range of possible changes in your relationship that sex can make, but they all depend on the personalities involved.

You mentioned a couple of possibilities that worry you specifically, but without knowing you and your GF, there's no way for anyof us the give you a realistic prediction. The fact that the possibilities concern you should help you avoid those particular pitfalls.

Communicating with your GF should help you avoid any others or at least guide the changes to your relationship in ways both of you can accept.
 
Sex does change relationships. But necessarily in a bad way. In my opinion after you have sex with someone, especially if you've been dating for a while and waiting, it raises the stakes a little bit. This isn't a bad thing though. Obviously emotional attachment generally becomes a greater issue.

You may find that you want to have sex more so than just making out...this isn't bad either...just don't forget to let foreplay be a part of you relationship. It makes things super hot.

My advice is just to make sure you communicate with your girlfriend. You need to be open about the situation and able to talk about it rationally.
 
Our relationship as it is right now is so amazing. We knew each other for over a year before we started dating, though I wouldn't say we were close buddies. We worked together, and it took us a little while to get along. Now we're in love with each other and it's just incredible. I've never loved anyone like I love her right now. I just want to make sure that when (it isn't a question of if anymore) she and I make love for the first time, it's the right decision.

Of course, it doesn't help that we both live at home with our parents, and we can't spend the night together, but we're both working hard on getting over that little obstacle! :)
 
jupiter lilly said:

You may find that you want to have sex more so than just making out...this isn't bad either...just don't forget to let foreplay be a part of you relationship. It makes things super hot.
Click to expand...

Don't worry, that's one of the things I like most about our relationship :D
 
yeah sex does change things... but for the better if the relationship is to evolve....

understand the living at home thing too.. but there are ways around that! understanding friends...
 
CodeRed316 said:
Of course, it doesn't help that we both live at home with our parents, and we can't spend the night together, but we're both working hard on getting over that little obstacle! :)
Click to expand...


Before you and your girlfriend make love for the first time, there is something you need to seriously consider: no matter how effective the birth control you ultimately decide to use is, none of it is 100% effective.

Every single time you are intimate, you run the risk of having a pregnancy to deal with, and whether you decide to keep the baby, give it up for adoption or end the pregnancy altogether, each of those consequences will forever change things between the two of you.

If you are at the stage in life where you are both still living with your parents, the perhaps you should wait until you are more financially stable before taking your relationship to the next level. It may not be the most romantic take on your situation, but then neither will be screaming at each other because the baby needs diapers, but with your measely paycheck from McJob, Inc. there is no more money left after paying the rent.
 
Last edited:
BirdsWife said:
Before you and your girlfriend make love for the first time, there is something you need to seriously consider: no matter how effective the birth control you ultimately decide to use is, none of it is 100% effective.

Every single time you are intimate, you run the risk of having a pregnancy to deal with, and whether you decide to keep the baby, give it up for adoption or end the pregnancy altogether, each of those consequences will forever change things between the two of you.

If you are at the stage in life where you are both still living with your parents, the perhaps you should wait until you are more financially stable before taking your relationship to the next level. It may not be the most romantic take on your situation, but then neither will be screaming at each other because the baby needs diapers, but with your measely paycheck from McJob, Inc. there is no more money left after paying the rent.
Click to expand...

We know the risks of anything we plan to do, and we're two smart people with college degrees behind us and bright futures ahead of us. I know for myself that even though I want children somewhere down the line, now is not the time. We know the risks, and we plan on doing everything we can to make sure nothing we regret nothing of our decision.
 
CodeRed316 said:
I know for myself that even though I want children somewhere down the line, now is not the time.
Click to expand...

What would you want to do about the baby if she were to get pregnant? And would she want the same thing? My point is that this is something you two should discuss before you take the next step.
 
BirdsWife said:
What would you want to do about the baby if she were to get pregnant? And would she want the same thing? My point is that this is something you two should discuss before you take the next step.
Click to expand...

Don't get me wrong, I understand exactly where you're coming from. But at the same time, we're very open about our relationship and how we feel about what happens between us. My thought has always been not to rush into anything without knowing it's the right decision. We love each other, we both want this, and we will both be 100% sure about it when it happens.
 
Well...

When I first had actually intercourse with my former SO, he was my first.

And it gave him panic attacks.

No joke.

Panic attacks.

It started just after I told him I was going on birth control because I wanted him to be my first, although I had always said I was going to wait for marriage. And they ended shortly after our relationship ended, about a month and a half later.

I think he felt guilty.

Anyway, it can change things.

But I'm sure we were a special situation.

I wish the complete best for you!!!!!!

I do agree with the above poster who talked about birth control. It's alot scarier for the girl, trust me. TRUST ME. Talk about it alot with her. Talk about the consequences and have a plan. Tell her you love her, too.





:rose:
 
I started having sex with my bf a couple of months ago, and it did change our relationship. We have always done a lot physically, and now it seems to be the case even moreso. I enjoy it, though sometimes I feel like we do that instead of spending time together in other ways.

Either way, make sure that (and it sounds like you have) the decision is 100% mutual and that she's comfortable. Change...yes, your relationship will change. But change isn't always a bad thing. In my opinion, though, the most imoprtant thing you can do to make it a good change is to always communicate. Be honest, whether it's about how you feel emotionally or physically, and if one of you wants a day off from sex, respect that.
 
The most important thing I ever learned about sex? Never confuse sex with intimacy. And don't confuse sex with love.

Once you move into a sexual relationship, things are going to change. Period. You simply cannot do something of that magnitude and ever go back to the people you were before it began. You can handle that, though...if you know the place sex holds in your relationship.

If there comes a time when she doesn't want sex, or you don't, it does NOT mean the love has diminished. It is so easy to begin to equate that physical desire with the desires of the heart...but while they are related, they are two different things.

Intimacy is what the two of you have now...the open minds, the caring, the discussions on what is right and wrong. Once sex comes into play, intimacy sometimes becomes a little blurry. Don't let that happen. Don't let sex become a substitute for those things you have right now. If you do, then it becomes a burden, believe it or not. And nobody ever wants that.

So...use protection, know yourself and each other well enough to move forward, and always keep the sex in perspective. :rose:

S.
 
Re: (sigh)

Hooch said:
My lord woman... how many times have you and I had this exact conversation? Intimacy and sex are NOT the same, by any stretch of the imagination, or else I would be single again, and trying out Ranger's pickup lines. And if it came right down to it, and I had to choose one or the other? I'd choose true intimacy over sex. Every single time. As a matter fact, I reckon I did, huh? I guess I am still proud of that.

- Hooch
Click to expand...

You should be proud of that. :) I am proud for you.

S.
 
Weird Harold said:
The simple answer is, "YES, sex will change your relationship."

A more useful answer is, "Only as much as you let it."
Click to expand...

EXACTLY! Thats the best answer I've ever heard. Sex changed my relationship with my boyfriend in a huge way, but a good way. The first 6 months of our relationship we were on opposite sides of the world. So the first day we saw each other, not only was it the first time we could hold hands, but kiss, hug, have sex, everything. Also, he was a virgin until I got my hands on him! So there was ALOT of anticipation! But, it was great. It was a bit fumbly, as most times as a couple are, but we were comfortable with each other, we laughed and it was very gentle and slow. After 6 months of waiting for it, we were well and truly ready for it. I. Trusting each other is the key. Being able to communicate your needs to your partner and not being afraid of telling them things is also very important. Just go with that and you will be fine.

Oh, and sheath is right. Intimacy is not the same as sex! So don't confuse them!
 
It will most definately change your relationship!! You will spend much more time thinking about and doing physical things. Every time you are together you will want to do it. Not necessarily a bad thing.
 
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