eve ensler / how do you feel about your body?

Last night my girlfriend and I went to hear Eve Ensler ("The Vagina Monologues") read from her newest play - "The Good Body" - at a local bookstore.

I felt very enlightened and saddened to realize how much most women hate their bodies. So my question is, how many of you women out there feel good about your bodies? I'm not asking whether you love every single aspect of it, but rather, do you feel content in your skin?

I realize this doesn't fit perfectly in "How To...", but I really like the people who hang around this forum.

I haven't read 'Vigina Monologues' yet - but its next on my list. I am reading 'Cunt' right now and its fabulous. My daughter gave it to me for xmas. Wish I had read it in my 20's instead of in my 40's.

That being said - I totally love my body. Always have. I've been really skinny, I've been pregnant twice, I've been really fat and I've been in the middle. I've always been totally comfortable with myself. Not to say that I don't look inthe mirror and wish that belly roll wasn't there - or my ass/boobs would lift up higher - but as a general rule I love my body. It's magnificient - what's not to love? lol

Not hate, surely that's too strong a word, but I do dislike mine.

I know. I'm crazy, right? I know I am. I'd look at me, if I was someone else, and think I was beautiful. *wince* Sounds conceited, but it's true. Unfortunately, I can't help it, really. I just look at myself and nearly shudder. And it's not about saying that, fishing for compliments.

Don't know why.

Most of the time, I love my body. I feel comfortable and beautiful in it. And part of that is due to an ex of mine who, despite all objections from me and everyone else, insisted, every day, that my huge ass is something to be proud of, and that it was beautiful.

I started to believe him, and then learned to appreciate the rest of me. I'd LIKE to change certain parts of me.. my tummy, my 'bye-bye arms', my inner thighs, etc, but for the most part, I think I'm a pretty good person, have a strong, able body, and just go on with my day.

Party Girl said:

Not hate, surely that's too strong a word, but I do dislike mine.

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Okay, so maybe hate was a little too strong. But after hearing Eve talk about all the women she's talked to, it was pretty depressing.

I think one of the most attractive things in a woman is confidence. So, when a woman doesn't feel good about her body, her confidence suffers and it becomes a self-perpetuating cycle.

Right now I have cramps that would cripple a draft horse, so me and the the bod, we are not best pals today.

98% percent of the time I am totally OK with myself, though. Sure there are things that could be different (I'd like smaller tits, please) but you know, overall it all works together fairly well and y'know, no one's ever com back complainin'

raven7647 said:

Okay, so maybe hate was a little too strong. But after hearing Eve talk about all the women she's talked to, it was pretty depressing.

I think one of the most attractive things in a woman is confidence. So, when a woman doesn't feel good about her body, her confidence suffers and it becomes a self-perpetuating cycle.

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No, no, don't get me wrong. I have an overabundance of self-confidence. I know I have a nice body, honestly. I just don't PERSONALLY like it.

My Body

Other than a few extra pounds at the moment, I am totally comfortable with my body, and even those extra pounds are arguably attractive given that people used to say I was too skinny.

Overall, though, and barring bloated beached whale periods or the occasional vanity crisis, I have never had issues with my body.

The Poodle

i think generally, most women have a love/hate relationship with their bodies.
some aspects they love, other things they hate.

most of this, i blame squarely on the media, and it's totally misguided views of what women are supposed to look like.

however, a lot of the blame must also go to women themselves - we are supposedly rational, logical thingking humans, and yet we have this completely unrealistic view of ourselves!
why lament over what you cannot (or will not - through excercise, surgery, etc.) change???

either you can go through life accepting that for the most part, you are perfectly normal and acceptable, or you can go through life wishing and hoping to have the unattainable.

personally -
i love certain aspects about my body... i have stunning breasts, and interesting, challenging face, and spectacular legs. put that with a great ass, and a strong back, well-defined shoulders and killer calves, and the entire picture comes together.

but i also have psoriasis, and i despise the way it disfigures parts of my skin. there's nothing i can do about the psoriasis - it's with me for life, so i have learned not to focus on it.

i'm not perfect - far from it (actually, i'd REALLY like to see where the book is that defines 'perfect'), but i don't care about the little spare tyre i've been left with after carrying 3 huge babies, the teensy little double chin that shows if i hold my head just so, the size 9 feet missing both big toenails, the fine 'roman' nose i inherited, or the far-from-delicate hands and fingers.

overall, i give myself a 10/10 - but that's because i have a huge amount of self-confidence, which trancends any piddling physical things i can't change.

The issue of self image has been a bone of contention between myself and my wife for years now. She sees herself as being unattractive and therefore, NOT sexy. I think she's the sexiest goddess on the planet.

Its a set of views that neither she, nor I, am willing to budge from. Nothing I can say or do will make her change her mind. And if my physical reactions to her aren't sufficient to convince her otherwise, then nothing will.

The media has too much influence in what is considered pretty, or even beautiful today. Which also explains why so many young girls suffer from bizarre eating disorders. We have this image that a woman must be 110 pounds. Its wrong, but there it is. The media has pounded into our heads that pretty means looking like a Nazi Death Camp survivor. Thanks to the media and the cosmetics industry, women have been conditioned to be unhappy with their own looks.

Beautiful doesn't come from what you look like on the outside. It comes from what you feel about yourself, from the inside. If you feel good about yourself you will exude an image that goes beyond the packaging. If you feel sexy, then you will be sexy.

Vixen you have every right to feel good about yourself. Hell you're drop dead beautiful, nearly as pretty as my wife when I snatched her out of college for a life of fun and sin. She was about as young as you are and my hands trembled whenever I touched her. They still tremble when I touch her. I'll go to my grave thinking she's hot and she's mine.

Ladies, no matter what you think is wrong with your bodies, your man rarely sees it UNLESS you point it out to them, and even then he probably doesn't see it. Unless you're going with Mr. Jerk, your man is interested in YOU, the person, the packaging, the boobs, the ass, the legs are all icing on the cake that he wants to eat frequently, but he didn't marry the boobs, the ass or the legs. He married you as a whole loving human being, not a collection of body parts. He's not rating your parts, he doesn't make love to your parts, he makes love to a person.

Lord if only there were a way to allow people into each others heads if for only a few seconds so we could see ourselves as our SO's see us. If that were possible I think a lot of the discontent with body image would vanish.

Nothing we guys can say or do will impact your self images ladies, you will always think the way you do and sometimes be unhappy about your image. But perhaps, just perhaps, you should ask yourself just how important that image really is, when your man sticks with you and still wants you despite baby stretch marks, despite sagging boobs, despite the crows feet. Like the old Grinch that learned that Christmas meant more than gifts, trees and lights, maybe his feelings are based on something more?

I caught part of the Miss America pageant the other day when I was flicking channels......the top 5 girls were virtual clones of each other......blonde, perfect teeth, perky boobs (fake??) none of them over 120lbs Most actresses are stick figures (cast of Friends anyone?), add to that models in magazines and no wonder we feel inadequate.

Bobmi your wife is a lucky woman Only now at 45 am I getting comfortable with walking around naked in front of Gil. I was married to Mr Jerk He never said he loved me or found me attractive, so in my mind I wasn't. I still have days when I look at myself and wish I had bigger boobs or a better shaped butt, or that my tummy was flat again and without stretch marks. But when Gil looks at me and I see the smile and the love in his eyes.....I blush, because it's something I thought I'd never get to see. To him my body is perfect, because it's mine

I also look at it from another perspective, of living with someone with chronic ill health. I am lucky my body is mostly healthy, pain free and it does what I need it to do, so I can enjoy my life now like I never did before, and also take care of the one I love......

The Vagina Monologues

Caught part of this on HBO when I had it.
Great!
Very well done. She touched upon more things about women's vaginas that I thought there were.
And I can now say "Cunt" again. She made it OK, and not a dirty word.

I go in waves...my guy makes me feel like a goddess

But then I go to class and there is nothing but stick thin size 2 girls running around and I feel like a cow, despite the fact that I am not fat at all.

The guys I work with tell me Im fat and could lose some pounds...I had an ex who used to pound into my head I was gross...on top of that my mother has a terrible body image and had me dieting when I was 12 years old because wearing a size 14 in girls at that age was just not right. While I have come a LONG way, I feel like one day I will be totally comfy with myself. Im getting their slowly but surely

I hate to be the first one to post a more negative self review...but I guess I feel the need to be honest.

I do not like my body. I don't know if I ever have. Unfortunately, for whatever reasons it began, and as it was fueled by childhood tauntings, these feelings have been with me for a lot of my life.

Now I don't hate myself...or my body...I know that I am intelligent, funny, charismatic, and I think I have a pretty face. I wish I was skinnier...and although I am overweight, I am not obese. I try to eat healthfully, and exercise. Some of it is just genetics I guess. Some of it is also my warped view of myself.

I work every day to try to be proud of who I am, and although I hope to lose weight I never want to be stick thin. I do appreciate my curves.

My boyfriend loves the way I look. He thinks I am beautiful and sexy and he tells me so on a regular basis. The sick part of it is, I have had a lot of trouble believing him. The thought that someone could find me not only non-offensive, but actually attractive just blows my mind.

The good part of all these nonsense, is this: Right or wrong, I'm now trying to look at myself and my body differently. It feels good to hear my guy say such wonderful things to me. He not only loves me for my mind, but also for the way I look...and it's helping me to realize that maybe I am not a complete mess after all.

Negative Self Views

It's sometimes a lose-lose situation.

If you are even slightly overweight, the national ideal, fed to us through the media, brainwashes women into thinking that they are gross. With a low self image, it's easy for women to tolerate the abuses of husbands and boyfriends who want to be hurtful and controlling.

If you are as thin as a model, it's no better either, because men really don't like models. Most men I know would prefer a real woman to a supermodel with twist-ties for legs. But forget the men factor. When I was a stick figure, people either thought that I was trying to look that way, or that I was on drugs.

There's no good in between, but it should serve well to keep in mind that Marilyn Monroe was a size 8 at her thinnest.

I think that every woman should accept that there is no such thing as perfection. If there was, it wouldn't be a fun place to live. Imperfections are sometimes our greatest assets. Look at Barbra Streisand. Her nose gets its own fan mail, I'm sure. If ever she got a nose job, she wouldn't be nearly as attractive, or interesting.

Once you have accepted that, accept that there is no such thing as an ugly woman. My grandmother always said that a woman is in the grooming. You look your best, using what you have, and you aren't going to look ugly. You want to be thinner? Work to lose the weight. You want to be blonde? Get a bleach job. Change what you can for your own sake, not for someone else. What can't be changed shouldn't be.

Most important, believe in you. You don't need someone else to tell you what you look like to them. If they don't like it, they are missing out. Someone else will appreciate you and be worthy of you and all you have to offer. As long as you love yourself, and it shows, you will attract the RIGHT people.

Buck up, girls. None of us are always happy with ourselves. I have always had a positive self image and I went through my own little crisis not long ago, which will appear in an essay soon on this site hopefully (waiting for approval). We're all human. However, beauty starts from within.

I know I rambled. It's early.

The Poodle

I love Eve. I've adored the Vagina Monologues since I saw "My Angry Vagina" on HBO a few years ago. I loved it so much that I used that one as an audition piece for a play my senior year in high school. I'm going to have to look out for this new one.

Anyway, onto the topic of loving one's body. I'm going to have to go with the wave analogy mentioned before. I've always been a big girl and even if/when I drop all of the excess weight I have, I'm still probably going to be a size 16. There are moments when I feel so good about the way I look. Where I don't care what anyone may or may not be thinking. Where I don't care that there are lots of thin girls walking around campus in tube tops. Where I feel so confident in my skin and I love myself.

Then there are the times where I put myself down. This is often happen when I look at myself in the nude (why I do, I'm not sure...probably because I at least want to be updated on the condition of my body, whether I like it or not). It also happens when I watch guys flirting with all the pretty, scantily clad girls, and I'm just looked over like I'm another guy. "Oh...you're alright" is often a phrase I get if I ask a guy if I'm pretty or not. Translated to "nope, not at all, but I know how girls get when you tell them that they're ugly".

My boyfriend tells me that I'm beautiful almost all the time, but depending on my mood, it can absorb into me or just reflect off. Hopefully today will be a love myself day.

I thought this thread might be a good place for this:
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_905522.html

I see these ads every day on the tube and I think they are right on. It's a bloody nice change to women in ads that look like smiling, happy, healthy, normal women, and not sullen, bored, starving clothes hangers.

Bobmi357 said:

Vixen you have every right to feel good about yourself. Hell you're drop dead beautiful, nearly as pretty as my wife when I snatched her out of college for a life of fun and sin. She was about as young as you are and my hands trembled whenever I touched her. They still tremble when I touch her. I'll go to my grave thinking she's hot and she's mine.

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Why thank you, Bob! *grin* What a nice thing to read before I hit the books.

lovechild27 said:

I go in waves...my guy makes me feel like a goddess

But then I go to class and there is nothing but stick thin size 2 girls running around and I feel like a cow, despite the fact that I am not fat at all.

The guys I work with tell me Im fat and could lose some pounds...I had an ex who used to pound into my head I was gross...on top of that my mother has a terrible body image and had me dieting when I was 12 years old because wearing a size 14 in girls at that age was just not right. While I have come a LONG way, I feel like one day I will be totally comfy with myself. Im getting their slowly but surely

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A few things.

1) Tell the guys at work to shut the fuck up, you didn't ask them. And if you did ask them, tell them to shut the fuck up anyway. You don't need to be hearing that kind of stuff at work. I got that ONCE at work, and never again, because of the way that I reacted. I didn't get angry, I just got stone fucking silent. Did my job, kept my face expressionless for the rest of the day, and any time I saw that person after that. She never apologized, but she never said it again.

2) Your mother and my mother must be long-lost sisters. My mom started me dieting at 10, and I wasn't even fat! I had developed asthma, and she figured it must be fat that caused it, so she went on this rampage that lasted 8 years till I finally told her to fuck off and look at herself in the mirror before picking on me. In the last 3 years, she's lost 100 lbs. *smile*

Mothers are great people, for the most part. And while they love us, sometimes, their good intentions get in the way. And sometimes, they want to live vicariously. It's up to us to tell them that those things aren't possible, and they have to do things for themselves, just like WE have to do those things for OURselves...

Oh man... this might be a novel...
I LOVE my body.. but i do not like it.
I love my body because it is mine... because i was born into it and i can change it...
I don't like it because of the things i can't change and the hardships i face in changing it.
I'm seeing a nutritionist and let me tell you i am SO GODDAMNED SICK OF LETTUCE... and it's not even a beauty issue i'm dealing with... my body was like... "Look bitch i know you're confident but i'm fucking unhealthy!" So it shot it's blood pressure through the roof to let me know i need a change... and honestly i've needed this change for a while... There's a difference between being happy and healthy plus size, and being overconfident and unhealthy... I do preach acceptance of your own body, but i don't preach ignoring your own health.

I went to grammar school where i was amazingly depressed and suicidal due to taunts and hatred from my classmates about my size. I remember overhearing one of the girls say "She could be cool if she wasn't a fucking house" *laughluahglaugh*. It was a bad time... i was also taller than them so i was some big scary butch fat girl...

Than i went to an all girls highschool... you'd think it would get worse but that really helped me. Without boys, girls aren't half as competitive about looks as they would be with boys.. much more emphasis was put on brains and abilities than just looks. I learned to love my body for what it's capable of. I was prom queen and respected by nearly everyone. When i went to college it was easier to make friends because i had no problem standing around in a group of people i don't know and starting conversations, because i was THAT comfortable with myself...

My roommate hates her body... Sometimes it frustrated me so much i'll want to cry and lash out in mean words... She has this PERFECT hourglass figure... and i think she's a knockout and i'd love to look like her, but she's constantly like "i'm ugly, i'm fat blah blah" and it's so much worse to be a bigger girl and hear that from someone smaller.. you just want to kick them, repeatedly.

It's always hard to be naked in-front of people for a first time... If i ever get to my goal weight.. i may just go streaking constantly for the love i'll be feeling for my body... until than.. i'll just be scared and nervous until i know it's ok.. and i understand that i am indeed beautiful...

I have to say though, I am much more prone to feeling uncomfortable about small things... I'll be insecure and that can lead to jealousy sometimes... and i can take things that weren't meant toward my weight in the wrong way (Ex: last two sexual experiences i had involved me being mostly clothed, which made me start thinking "oh god have i gotten that bad, did they really just not want to see me like this..." ect...)

If a person makes fun of my body or my outfit in passing, it will only make me more confident. I don't need people like that in my life and it lets me know i'm strong enough to ignore them and enjoy myself. If someone i love or care for does something small that clues me in to a potential dislike for my body though, it can get to me horribly.

I love my head. well almost all my head.. i want my under-chin fluff to go away... but besides that i'm horribly vain about my face... It's the only feature i really love. Although when you put all your eggs in one basket it can be bad... I've had these horrible episodes where i'll put on a bad lipstick or my skin will be breaking out and i'll freak out and cry for hours... When your favorite feature goes down the drain it's so much harder to recover... I can't just go, well maybe my arms are flabby but i've got my face!

Hrm what else... I can go on for hours with this topic because it is such a double edge sword for me.

I'm 265 lbs. I was 284 at my heaviest about a month and a half ago... My goal weight is 160. I'm 5'9 (5'10" on a good day). I want to be in better shape first and foremost for my health. Than comes more activity... I'd like to be able to run, and hike and do a ton of physical activity and not feel sloth like doing them... I'm an active person stuck in a bad body and I would just love to do point but at 265 that sure ain't happening... Than there's fasion... My walls are COVERED in vogue photos... I LOVELOVELOVE fashion. I love the way the seems move along the body and the fabric clings... Everything from haute cautier to historical fashion and burlesque (man oh man how i wouldn't kill to be a styling fetish model in 50's pinup gear...) LAST is how i'd like others to see me.

Ok now i'm just babbling... I'm done for now

My mom started me dieting at 10, and I wasn't even fat

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Id like to know who told moms that 10 and 12 are good years to be making sure your prepubescent girl is looking her thinnest...im sorry u had to deal with that too

she had an eating disorder when she was a teen. I feel for her though...she is 41, looks good and STILL thinks shes huge. She has gone her entire life just being disgusted with herself, no matter what she does. She is big by no means. I just made up my mind to not be like that...

As for the guys I work with...ya they are asshats. One of them is a twig himself and wont even look at a girl who isnt a size 2. Whenever he talks about seeing a cute girl...its not...WOW she was so pretty...or She was so funny...its...oh she was cute...about a size 4.....its ok though cuz I got a cool new job and wont be seeing them anymore...hehehe.

Thanks to everyone for their wonderful responses! It is heartening to see that there are lots of women out there who feel good (or are learning to feel good) about their bodies.

I'm going to redouble my efforts to compliment my girlfriend on a consistent basis.

raven7647 said:

Thanks to everyone for their wonderful responses! It is heartening to see that there are lots of women out there who feel good (or are learning to feel good) about their bodies.

I'm going to redouble my efforts to compliment my girlfriend on a consistent basis.

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That's cool that you did this. It can make a difference hearing it. What my husband has made the most difference on are some of the specifics. He Loves some of the parts of me I've been most unappreciative of. My small lips for instance. And small soft shoulders. He thinks these parts of me are delicious, which has helped me view them more neutrally. Still rather have angelina jolie lips and madonna's shoulders but mine get kissed and appreciated so much it's hard to fight the force of that.

Hi,

I'd have to say I'm quite happy with my body, because of what it can do more than because of what it looks like.

There's plenty of extra fat on my body, I'm muscular, but as I tell my friends, my amazing secret superpower - my abs - are covered by a disguise of fat. Of course they are, otherwise my enemies would see them and they wouldn't be a secret superpower any more!

I do martial arts - I do karate and submission grappling - and to be honest, my body is an advantage there - I have 20kg on many of the girls I come up against, so I can pin them better. My legs are big and strong, so I can choke out the guys much better than if I had skinny legs, etc. And because this sport is what I love, then it makes sense that I would love my body for being a good design for the sport!

Cakegirl