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Faking it.

sweetnpetite

sweetnpetite

Intellectual snob
Joined
Jan 10, 2003
Posts
9,135
NOT orgasm! I would never fake that (what's the point?)

But I will admit that I have pretended to like things that I don't particularly like because 1)my partner likes it 2) I just don't think no is sexy and 3) it's sometimes hard to say no in the moment.
4) It's probably my (sometimes) submissive nature, but I'll agree to a lot during sex that I won't otherwise.

This is not to say things that I *hate* but I will pretend to like things more than I do sometimes. I started out this way with blowjobs (because I know it was a lot sexier to get a blowjob from someone who really enjoys it than with someone who really didn't) and I eventually really *did* like it, so sometimes it works out that way, but not always.

But in general, if I'm having sex and my guy said, "wouldn't it be hot..." I'm most likely going to say, "yeah baby that's really hot" cause I want to keep the momentum going.

so am I alone in this? I know I can't be!
 
I used to do that with a past partner of mine. And eventually, he just became absolutely boggled when I'd really not be in the mood for something. I created this image of a nympho who'd do anything, and then just.. put expectations of perfection in bed on myself.

Now, I won't do it. If I don't want to do something, I'll say no. But I won't just say "no" and leave it at that. Sometimes, I'll ignore the suggestion, and continue what I'm doing. My partner often gets the idea. Other times, I'll say "no.. but I have another idea...". Generally, your partner isn't wanting you to do ONLY his suggestion. When a partner suggests something new, it's often because they want to try ANYTHING new, not just that thing. By suggesting something you're more comfortable with, he or she will get the idea that you are open to new things, just maybe not the other thing he or she suggested.

My partner is also very honest with me.. I'm the kinkier of us two by FAR, and I'm a sadist and a masochist. He is completely uncomfortable with giving or receiving pain, so we compromise.. we choose activities that offer a mindfuck, rather than actual physical pain.. like, he'll use a flogger on me, but only with the strength HE is comfy with.. and I will add pain in my own ways.. by tying off my nipples for a while or something.. *shrug*

Just find something that works for you both, and compromise..
 
Sweet & lilith
I wish I had a wife like either of you who would at least consider trying different things sexualy.

As soon as I suggest anything the answer is "NO"

I have been maried 34 years and my wife is wonderful in many ways, but when it come to anything to do with enjoying different forms of sexual expression then the answer is "NO".

I am 56 and worry that I am missing out on so much on that side of a relationship
 
I like to call it embellishment. Which my hubby often encourages. I never fake orgasms but I will over dramatize certain things we do.

I find if I do that when I am not really in the mood it actually helps me get more into it and soon I am not just doing it for it benefit.


Racer yours is a common problem I have heard often. Its hard once they are really set in their ways to branch out into something new. It can be done though. Hang in there and don't give up. :)
 
Well - there's only a couple of things that I just simply won't do. Anything involving kids and animals are totally OUT. I'll toe the line, fantasy-wise - for example, one ex-girlfriend liked to dress up in a "little-girl" costume, complete with footie pajamas and pigtails, and would 'blow' me while I read her a bedtime story... Honestly, it creeped me out a little bit, but it sure got HER off. Other "no-go" areas are violent sex and "choking" - partly because I'm afraid I'll really hurt her accidentally, and partly because I'm afraid I might find out I LIKE hurting her, and lose control!

For me, the best part of sex is making somebody you love come really, really hard! If I gotta get peed on, paddled, or called "daddy" for her to get off like that, then so be it!
 
zhukov1943 said:


For me, the best part of sex is making somebody you love come really, really hard! If I gotta get peed on, paddled, or called "daddy" for her to get off like that, then so be it!
Click to expand...


That is so right!
 
bourbonslut said:
Being adventurous, giving and open minded is not "faking it."

Word.
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true, but pretending to be into something you knowingly don't enjoy is.
 
Noor said:
true, but pretending to be into something you knowingly don't enjoy is.
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Oh no, I never said you should do that! But there's nothing wrong with trying new things, is my point. If you've tried it and don't like it, that's one thing. If you're quite sure it's going to be illegal or fatal, then fine. But there's a pretty big gray area (at least for me personally), and for people to get along and enjoy each other's company, their "gray areas" should overlap a fair amount. Not entirely, I'm sure, but a fair amount.

Want to restrain me? Sure, maybe not with metal cuffs, right away, but with scarves? Awesome! Want to try anal? Cool, use your fingers first! Spank me with your bare hand before that hairbrush baby!

I'm just saying.
 
People do crazy things when they're "in the moment". If anything you ever do really bothers you or makes you feel uncomfortable when you're not in a sexual situation, I would try to talk about it to your partner. :rose: But that's just me.
 
sweetnpetite said:
NOT orgasm! I would never fake that (what's the point?)
...snip...But in general, if I'm having sex and my guy said, "wouldn't it be hot..." I'm most likely going to say, "yeah baby that's really hot" cause I want to keep the momentum going.
so am I alone in this? I know I can't be!
Click to expand...

I have been in that situation before, saying you like something just to please your partner. Or more likely not saying you DON'T like something. Cuz you knew if you said no the whole momentum would be stopped and that would suck. And pleasing them is a huge turn on for me anyway. It is my nature to try to please. And I have found out that often many of those things I ended really liking! Sometimes you just have to give something a chance.
 
There is also the difference of simply not liking something and knowing it ahead of time and it being just not on the top of your list but do able. I don't think there is anything wrong with "taking one for the team" on occassion.. the day is gonna come when he is gonna do it for you.
 
boston_bbw said:
There is also the difference of simply not liking something and knowing it ahead of time and it being just not on the top of your list but do able. I don't think there is anything wrong with "taking one for the team" on occassion.. the day is gonna come when he is gonna do it for you.
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If you don't like it then you shouldn't do it. Sex has so many pleasurable options that there is always something you both will like.
You don't have to hurt a lovers feelings or ruin the mood, just shift them to something else.
There are some things I like in theory but in practice I don't have much stamina for them. 69 for instance, I love it the start but at a certain point I get too distracted to continue, or I get sensory overload and shut down. Perhaps if my partners were not so good.... ;) I think maybe over time with a certain partner and conditions I might be able to do it to climax but in the meantime there are lots of other ways of having sex.
 
With my ex-boyfriend I faked everything all the time.. cause 1) it was always the samething 2) just the thought he dated me was for the sex 3) he didn't give a shit about if I said no or not and 4) there was no "let's try something different" no creativity..

I felt nothing when he fucked me so I would fake the orgasm and fake the fact that I enjoyed it.. Guess that would be why he's my ex now. lol
 
Kudos to my SO for trying hard to get into something when she having a really difficult time with it.

And even more praise for her mentioning it later so I know what really works for her and what is only for somebody else...
 
ugh, I'm like this with anal, but he knows I hate it.

in the heat of the moment and I'm on cloud 4,009 anything sounds good... and then after I feel sick with myself no matter if I enjoyed it or not.

Try taking it out of the bedroom, like "remember when you did ______ well, it was ok in the moment, but I wasn't comfortable with it. Can we try something else instead of that?"

And then you can talk about how you really feel. Communication is very very important (it has a whole section dedicated to it in The Blank Manual, along with "how to spice things up"). This isn't so much a Kinky thing, but feelings not being said and little white lies about what you are not/willing to do.

You'll be able to talk about why, and maybe you can talk with him through them and overcome the "ew" factor. In the long run, it'll help him understand what you are up for or not and you will both be happier in and out of bed. He would much rather know that you are both pleasured then one of you are faking it. Be careful, he may feel a little hurt... but will probably understand that you did it for him :)

After those little talks are done, you can say things that you're interested in trying, or even come to Lit and look things up that you're both comfortable with (How To is a great resource) !
 
My wife does not fake it. She lets me know without qualms she is not into it. Thus, mah weener goes limp and she gets what she wants in the first place: More sleep.
 
I've faked enjoying sex with an ex who didn't have a clue that he was doing it all wrong. We didn't date long, but have remained friends, so I think it was worth it. He's a good guy, just clueless about sex, so I value the friendship. Prolly would have been hard to remain friends had I told him the truth.
 
If I were him, I'd have liked to know what I was doing wrong - as long as you weren't telling me in the same conversation that you DUMPED me, of course!
 
racer9 said:
Sweet & lilith
I wish I had a wife like either of you who would at least consider trying different things sexualy.

As soon as I suggest anything the answer is "NO"

I have been maried [] years and my wife is wonderful in many ways, but when it come to anything to do with enjoying different forms of sexual expression then the answer is "NO."

The have excellent communication, at least. <g>

I am [] and worry that I am missing out on so much on that side of a relationship
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This sounds like my wife.

How often do women get turned down who want to try new things ot make sex more fun and romantic? <sigh>
 
vargas111 said:
This sounds like my wife.

How often do women get turned down who want to try new things ot make sex more fun and romantic? <sigh>
Click to expand...

Unfortunately more than you'd think do.
 
I don't fake orgasms or pretend I like something if I really don't. I'm open to most things my husband wants to try and he's open as well, we talk about what we like or dislike. Life's too short to have terrible sex or have to fake your way through.
 
Who out there has faked an orgasm and why?

I have skimmed through a lot of the responses and I am left wondering about the women (or men for that matter) that do or have faked it... (Orgasm, that is)

A lot of you said things about having been more accommodating when in persuit of peeking a partners pleasure but most seem to have stopped there; right before the climax via memorex...

I get the concept; as was stated; of, "what's the point"... but I guess I wonder, for those who have, where the transition lies from fake to real... if you did and now you don't (other than perhaps a change in partners) what changed, or what made a difference for you????

Why did some choose to go there before but perhaps don't now or why do some still go that route now?

How have those who have had a hard time climaxing overcome it, if that has ever been the cause and if not any suggestions???

I can guess at obvious answers but I am searching for something more akin to personal insight

J~
 
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As a guy, I've actually "faked" orgasms before - sometimes, when you've had too much to drink or are desensitized for some reason (like an extra-extra-long sex session), and you know your partner has already gotten off but is trying to "go the extra mile" to get you there, too - and you're tired, or drunk, or your back is starting to "go", and you wanna keep from making her feel like she isn't a good lover...

Then, you pull the old "wide-eye-roll-back", with lurid sound effects!

I'm not ashamed of having done it - and I don't feel bad about having "tricked" them or anything. Even when I don't come, I have a damn good time, and I don't want them worrying about my sexual enjoyment or getting down on themselves about anything in the bedroom.
 
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