suggestions, pretty please...

Have you ever been tired? I mean just tired. Not physically tired, but tired of it all? I'm struggling more and more to get through every day. I was on an antidepressant for over a year and went off it. That was almost 4 years ago.
I have since left my husband and moved on on my own. My entire life has been a struggle. And it seems to be catching up to me to the point I feel like I'm drowning and can't swim anymore and just feel like slipping away.
My children are the only things in life that keep me going.

I have a career that is slowly taking off. And I like it alot. My predicament is this...

I want to do something about it. I don't want to be this way. But I cannot afford the cost of a doctor or the meds right now and need to know if anyone out here in Lit land can suggest something they have tried with some success and pass it my way. I cannot keep going like this.


Please.


Any help would be greatly appreciated.

When I really can't take it anymore, I get away. As far as possible, preferably a sunny beach. When was the last time you went on vacation? Even something small, a long weekend or so, clears your head dramatically.

If you can't do that, then you have to make time for yourself. Do those little things that make you feel good, whether they be reading a good book in the park on a sunny afternoon or getting a massage or a manicure, a bubble bath, cooking a fabulous meal or going out to a great restaurant, calling an old friend you haven't talked to in a while - and truly savor the moment.

And exercise. The endorphin rush really works.

"I feel like I'm drowning and can't swim anymore and just feel like slipping away."
I feel that way a lot... I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety, blah blah... I've never been able to find a medication that helps any of those, probably because anti-anxiety and anti-depression meds clash. I don't want to tell you what I do now, because it isn't healthy, I haven't found a healthy way to deal with my problems...

But I do know how you feel and ((HUGS)) for you. Just try to stick in there until you can afford the meds/doctor again if they helped you... like I said, I've been on over 20 different kinds of medication and nothing helped.

Sometimes it's just helpful for me to write... if you like to write... and I'm here to chat if you just want someone to chat with... sorry I cannot be more of a help. I just wanted to reply because... well... that's what I say all of the time, that I feel like I'm drowning. It struck a chord with me.

Take care

Same predicament....except for I'm still on the meds and in school.

What works best for me is exercise (sex is okay for that but real working out is best) and just dropping everything I'm doing and leaving. My ex was great about that...just got me out of the house to hit Lake MI or just to drive around.

LadyJeanne said:

When I really can't take it anymore, I get away. As far as possible, preferably a sunny beach. When was the last time you went on vacation? Even something small, a long weekend or so, clears your head dramatically.

If you can't do that, then you have to make time for yourself. Do those little things that make you feel good, whether they be reading a good book in the park on a sunny afternoon or getting a massage or a manicure, a bubble bath, cooking a fabulous meal or going out to a great restaurant, calling an old friend you haven't talked to in a while - and truly savor the moment.

And exercise. The endorphin rush really works.

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The thing is, I've never ever had time for me. My children have always been with me. And when my day is over is when my head hits my pillow. Vacation? I've never been on one in my life that I can remember other than a school break as a child. I have no money for any of this. That is another part of my struggling. It's just so stressful.
I'm thankful though that you and others have replied to this and are trying to help. Thank you.

Tania_Rides said:

"I feel like I'm drowning and can't swim anymore and just feel like slipping away."
I feel that way a lot... I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety, blah blah... I've never been able to find a medication that helps any of those, probably because anti-anxiety and anti-depression meds clash. I don't want to tell you what I do now, because it isn't healthy, I haven't found a healthy way to deal with my problems...

But I do know how you feel and ((HUGS)) for you. Just try to stick in there until you can afford the meds/doctor again if they helped you... like I said, I've been on over 20 different kinds of medication and nothing helped.

Sometimes it's just helpful for me to write... if you like to write... and I'm here to chat if you just want someone to chat with... sorry I cannot be more of a help. I just wanted to reply because... well... that's what I say all of the time, that I feel like I'm drowning. It struck a chord with me.

Take care

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Thank you.. it's an overwhelming feeling. Drowning. And at times it would be so much easier just closing my eyes and somehow slipping away. But then I go to close my eyes and see my children. If my youngest wasn't here, it would be a different story. They are such a gift and I know some who read this will think me selfish and wrong for thinking and feeling the way I do, but I'm sure you understand. Most days I do so well and then there are days and nights where I just feel like I cannot take it anymore and just wish to go. I just want it to end.
You start crying sometimes it it feels like it will never stop.

I'm praying so hard to get through this. Thank you for thinking of me and the sweet offer.

SkyyAngel said:

Same predicament....except for I'm still on the meds and in school.

What works best for me is exercise (sex is okay for that but real working out is best) and just dropping everything I'm doing and leaving. My ex was great about that...just got me out of the house to hit Lake MI or just to drive around.

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I hope you find peace too. It's hard. I'm glad he was there for you, even if only for a time.

VermilionSkye said:

I'm praying so hard to get through this.

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That is the key. Hold fast, don't stop praying and working on yourself the best you can. I have been sinking for a while now and just feel like I might be coming out. Take it day by day and try to find the good in that day.

First, let me get my disclaimers out of the way.

I am the first man to post a response (not sure I count) and second, I have never sufferred the same type of deep depression of which you speak. However, I have been very close to several that have. I have helped them (I think) nad I know what worked for each of them outside of medication and therapy. And yes, there are some common threads. And no, they don't cost anything, or very little.

I know very little about you (i.e. what part of the country you live in, how many kids you have, their ages, your relative health, etc.).

First I echo the previous sentiments of expercise. This can be as simple as walking around the block. It does not have to start out as strenuous expercise. But anything you can do to get your various muscle groups working will bring you relief in many ways.

Second, get out into the open air. Breathe fresh air. Watch a sunrise or sunset. Get away from as much of the city crush as you can. Even a neighborhood park will work. Watch little kids play, read a book. Watch the birds and squirels play.

Find something you are interested in and get involved. That does not mean you have to take responsibility for anything. But get involved. Get into a writing group. Join a local club. Anything you can find that interests you if you can find ANY free time at all.

The most important points here are to be healthy (i.e. physically active), get out of the house and DO something. Anything. And finally, you must find some down time for yourself that does not involve heavy responsibilities or burdens.

Good luck. I do wish you well.

.

VermilionSkye said:

I hope you find peace too. It's hard. I'm glad he was there for you, even if only for a time.

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Thanks but he's still here. In fact, he helped me get through a particularly rough patch a few nights ago...wasn't going to kill myself just didn't trust myself to be alone that night.

He came over at 3 in the morning and stayed around until 6.

I really screwed up when I left that one. But I'm still hoping I'll get another chance.

I've felt that way many times throughout my life, and exercise, a good diet, taking time to de-stress, social interaction, and doing small things I enjoy help A LOT. Can you turn to friends or a group for support as well?

Some natural supplements have also helped. Make sure you're getting enough magnesium, B vitamins, etc. (do some research on natural therapies for depression and anxiety). St. John's Wort has also helped me at times, but you want to make sure you research it thoroughly before taking it, as it can have some serious side effects.

If none of that helps or it gets worse, many doctors and clinics have sliding scale fees based on income/family size, and they often have samples or will help you get medications for free through a patient assistance program.

VermilionSkye



The fact is I don't know enough about you (your past) to offer any sound advise as to what action you should pursue. This in itself can be a dangerous when giving advise.

The fact that you are asking for help is a good thing. There are professional people who can help you that accept pay based on your income/outgo and there are self help groups in your area.
I have been depressed before to the point that I didn’t care one way or the other if I lived or died. I would like to point out I was not suicidal; I just did not care one-way or the other. I felt like a flower that had bloomed. I no longer had a zest for life and when I started anything my resolution drifted away like the snow in the desert sun.

I was one depressed motherfucker; medication had little or no positive effect.

The trouble started young in my life at home. I learned some very unhealthy ways to live my life, to handle my problems and my relations with people.

At thirty-two I was burned out, stressed out and depressed. I spent six weeks in a mental ward then called Lifecare.

There I found out how fucked up I was and what to do about it. It took me awhile to learn how not to live a stressed out life, how to recognize and handle depression, anger, stress and a host of other things. It is a life long journey and is very hard at the beginning, but DAMN, what a difference!

You took the first step already, do not stop!

Skye, I can relate to some of your feelings. I agree with many things said already, and have to practice some of them too. If I get out of balance in one part of my life it as if I wobble.

I try each day to take care of myself mentally, physically and spiritually. Taking a simple walk is so beneficial to me, in all three ways. There are other activities that help such as writing - I can get to the root of some thoughts and emotions by writing. Eating a well balanced meal, even preparing it makes me feel good (not that good but sometimes lol).

Taking even just a little time for quiet helps. I used to go to a yoga class and when I'm feeling off kilter I'll do some yoga - it helps quiet me down as well as feel connected to myself.

You mentioned starting a career, congratulations, perhaps spending a little time once or twice a week for networking will help. You can make connections with others and feel productive.

When I get to that 'keep my head just above the water' feeling, my inclination is to try to make too many changes instead of a few small changes to start. Slow and steady wins the race in my book, life is difficult at times and when I take just today it becomes more managable.

Expressing yourself is so helpful and you have done that, keep it up.

Advice coming from an old lady who lived what you are going thru:

It will get better.

You will someday have a moment's silence and privacy.

Your financial situation will improve.


Then you can look back over your life and feel such an awesome feeling of power and acomplishment. It WILL all be worth it. Oh - one other suggestion: Find a good babysitter and use her - even if its only once a month for coffee with a girlfriend. Remember - you're sanity is what's holding your family together. (oh - didn't mean to scare you with that one! Lol)

I as well just came off depression. I am from the guy side of things but offer my help. I write everything down, it clears your head and gets everything on paper and not on your mind. I also do a lot of singing just for my enjoyment because I feel when I sing, nothing else gets into my head since I am more worried about my voice (which isn't all that great but still fun).

A lot of people go through this time. As you have said, your career is taking off slowly, well with that will come the money sooner or later. You say you don't have time alone, well I say you do. Find someone who wouldn't mind looking after your kids for an hour. Maybe find someone in your same situation and either trade off, or go together and talk, have coffee you know what I mean.

Granted I don't know exactly what you suffer from, and these are things I do, but the best thing is to look for the positive in everything. That in no way means "Just be happy" because that shit don't work. I mean, just see everything as a learning expereince and another event in life. I'm not religious, but things happen for a reason. Just take it day by day and positive thought after positive thought.

Ravin

Depression can grow and grow!

I have seen cases of depression grow and grow...before it gets to late...change routines....I agree with the excercise and the vacation thing. Try new places....do something you haven't done before....if you don't like it...you tried and may be motivated to try something you would like...
just keep looking forward...take time for yourself

VermilionSkye said:

The thing is, I've never ever had time for me. My children have always been with me. And when my day is over is when my head hits my pillow. Vacation? I've never been on one in my life that I can remember other than a school break as a child. I have no money for any of this. That is another part of my struggling. It's just so stressful.
I'm thankful though that you and others have replied to this and are trying to help. Thank you.

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A vacation doesn't have to be to someplace far away and exotic. A vacation can be a trip to a museum, zoo or art museum alone. I also enjoy visiting historic houses. Here a lot of them of free at least one day a week. Find something that you like to take you away for an hour or two. Reading also works for me and of course the library is free.

I tend to get the winter blahs. Most of it is sun related. During the winter I try to get as much natural sun as possible.

I hope you find peace and joy!

Thank you all for this. It helps me knowing there are others here who are or have gone through it. I'm doing much better today. Prayed really hard and wrote a lot of things done. And as the day progressed it slowly got better. I have my twinging moments where I feel an ache start creeping in but have to brush it away and keep going.

I hope too, in all of this that maybe others will get support from you and others who may post here.

The support and suggestions you have given will help me, I'm sure. And they mean alot!

It sounds like you are very depressed, and that is not something to be ignored. You said you have had treatment and meds but can't afford them now. Call your city or county Mental Health Dept TODAY.!!! They will offer help based on your income or lack of it. You said you have kids and a carrer that you enjoy. You are Well ahead of of the game. All you need is a little help over the rough spots. PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE - - - MAKE THAT CALL TODAY - - - and let me know how you are doing. This is the first time I have responded to a post on Lit.

I often feel that way. I dread getting out of bed some mornings because I'm just sick of the monotony and repetition of it all. It also doesn't help that I'm stuck in a job I don't enjoy.

In the last few days, I'm slowly finding some things that are causing it. Just things I am going to have to struggle through and work on. And I am thinking of calling around to see about seeing someone. I keep thinking I can just change my routine and I have tried... and I'll keep trying. But I think I need more. And I'm guessing I need to go back on the meds.


Please, if anyone else feels the need to vent or let loose or ask others for help, please do.

Everyone has been great to me.

beazoner said:

It sounds like you are very depressed, and that is not something to be ignored. You said you have had treatment and meds but can't afford them now. Call your city or county Mental Health Dept TODAY.!!! They will offer help based on your income or lack of it. You said you have kids and a carrer that you enjoy. You are Well ahead of of the game. All you need is a little help over the rough spots. PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE - - - MAKE THAT CALL TODAY - - - and let me know how you are doing. This is the first time I have responded to a post on Lit.

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Please keep posting, Beazoner, b/c this is the first decent advice i've read on this thread. Giving clinical depression cute little names like "the winter blahs" is extremely patronizing to those who have suffered from this condition. This is not something that you can get over by taking a bubble bath and lighting some candles. Herbal supplements and "me time" will help along the way, but to get out from under that looming dark cloud of depression, you really need help from a therapist, counselor, or clergyperson who is qualified to treat depression.

Like others here have said, you're not alone, Vermillion Skye. There is help for you, but you must be proactive about it (which is the hardest thing to do when you're depressed). Keep reaching out to others...to your friends, your family, and to mental health services. The fact that you're posting here, that you're a great mom, and that you have a career...that shows how resillient you are. Don't ever forget that.

VermilionSkye said:

They are such a gift and I know some who read this will think me selfish and wrong for thinking and feeling the way I do, but I'm sure you understand.

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Yes we do understand, you are not selfish and wrong for thinking and feeling the way you do.
That`s part of the problem, thoughts and feelings just keep coming whether you want them to or not.
I fought through depression for over two years, it nearly cost me my marriage and two kids.
Finally I had the courage to see my doctor, and after about a month on meds life was worth living again.
I`m still taking the meds, I have tried to reduce the dose but for me it doesn`t work, I can feel it all starting to come back and frankly I`d rather be taking the stuff for the rest of my life than destroy my family.

Well I started off trying to offer words of wisdom, instead I gave you a short bio.

I still have weeks when I can feel it coming back, particularly when I thought I was going to lose my job.
But I fight as hard as I can to keep the bastard away because I do not ever want to become that person again.

My tips,
You have already started to deal with it just by asking for help.

This place. I used to come here for porn, but I find it helps to ground me so much I don`t have have time to look for porn. (now that`s depressing)

For me, when I was in my darkest depths the garden became almost an obsession, it was the one thing I had complete control over. That was important.


Don`t know if any of this helps, just remember you are not alone, do whatever you can to get help, don`t let yourself go to shit for the sake of money. No I`m not loaded with money, we live day to day.
Use your kids to keep you going when things get you down, (even if they are what gets you down sometimes)

One last thought, beware, some antibiotics can bring on depression as one of their side effects. Maybe you have to be predisposed to depression, I don`t know, just know that it did it to me.
Doxycycline if I rember right.

Just looked it up.( Wordweb great prog.)

An antibiotic derived from tetracycline that is effective against many infections.
"Vibramycin is the trade name of doxycycline"


Whew Think I needed that.

VermilionSkye said:

Thank you all for this. It helps me knowing there are others here who are or have gone through it. I'm doing much better today. Prayed really hard and wrote a lot of things done. And as the day progressed it slowly got better. I have my twinging moments where I feel an ache start creeping in but have to brush it away and keep going.

I hope too, in all of this that maybe others will get support from you and others who may post here.

The support and suggestions you have given will help me, I'm sure. And they mean alot!

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Stay strong Skye, the future always holds promise. Things will get better, I know you can't see that right now, especially in the dark when the loneliness and depression kicks in, but hon there's always a positive to offset the negative. We've all gone through it and somehow we come out ok on the otherside.