Help me with my son!

Ok... so this is a long story but to make it short...


I was had to pee yesterday so I go into my wife and I's master bathroom to relieve myself and I open the door which wasn't locked and walk in on my son using my wife vibrators in his butt!

I just slowly closed the door and left.

What should I do about it? I know he had a condom on the toy becuase i saw a tuxedo condom on there (ones I use)

What should I do? Should I say anything? Should I go buy HIM his own toys? Im at such a loss...


Thanks for the help guys

How old is your son??? Well they say that anal masterbation on a guy dosent necessarily make them homosexual if thats an issue. I dunno bout buying him his own toys so..... hope that helps

That's heavy. If he knows you saw him the poor kid is probably extremely embarassed. If he does then you probably need to speak with him if only to reassure him that you don't think he is wierd and that you still love him. You would probably need to let him know that it is not appropriate to use your bathroom and toys for this activity. This situation is very complicated and I hate to say it but you may need a professional to help you with this one. You could go first and then perhaps send your son after. They could act as a mediator as hearing anything about it from you may just be too painful for your son.

It's important to not come down on him though, otherwise he will be devastated and it could really damage your relationship.

How old is your son? I think that is important. If he's 19, tell him to buy his own toys and stay the hell out of your bedroom.

If he's 12, I think I'd still tell him to stay out of your bedroom.

You really need to talk to him, if for no other reason than using other people's toys and invading their private space.

theman69 said:

What should I do? Should I say anything? Should I go buy HIM his own toys? Im at such a loss...

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I think the biggest issue in the scenario is that he invaded your (you and the wife) privacy. Yes, you should talk to him about how it is inappropriate to search through your things (I am assuming that these are not things you leave lying out on top of the dresser) and even more so to use things of this nature that belong to someone else. Even with a condom on it is still just plain nasty. I would be highly offended to find out someone else was using my toys without my knowledge!

As parents I think it is our job to provide information about safe sex and to pass along our ideas and values to our children about sex. I also think it is appropriate to provide tools for safe sex, i.e. condoms, birth control, etc. As far as toys and such go - depending on age - I really think this is something that falls in exploring sexuality and experimenting and each person should be responsible for that themselves, meaning that your son should buy his own toys. I would make it clear that there is nothing wrong with exploring these things - but that he has to do that on his own time and dime.

Re: Re: Help me with my son!

capricious_chic said:

I think the biggest issue in the scenario is that he invaded your (you and the wife) privacy. Yes, you should talk to him about how it is inappropriate to search through your things (I am assuming that these are not things you leave lying out on top of the dresser) and even more so to use things of this nature that belong to someone else. Even with a condom on it is still just plain nasty. I would be highly offended to find out someone else was using my toys without my knowledge!

As parents I think it is our job to provide information about safe sex and to pass along our ideas and values to our children about sex. I also think it is appropriate to provide tools for safe sex, i.e. condoms, birth control, etc. As far as toys and such go - depending on age - I really think this is something that falls in exploring sexuality and experimenting and each person should be responsible for that themselves, meaning that your son should buy his own toys. I would make it clear that there is nothing wrong with exploring these things - but that he has to do that on his own time and dime.

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Solid gold this so I won't even rephrase it.
Would like to add- a lot of this is dependant on your son's age. If he's 15 buying or letting him use toys could get you into a legal issue (providing illicit material to a minor) so please be careful there.
If he's legal, emphasise what CC said and add there's a cleanliness issue in there too.
I mean, ewww to the max.

Wow, I don't have anything to add, but whoa.
What did your wife say? Have you told her yet?

I didnt tell my wife anything. My son is 15, turning 16 in 2 months. My wife is out of town right now thank god so I have some time to decide what to do.


After sleeping on it, I think the best thing to do is to..

1) Not tell my wife anything. Ill just take her old toys and be like "i think we need some new ones" and problem there solved
2) Ill talk to my son and sit down and tell him something to the affect of "I know your growing up and wondering about sex. Its okay to explore your sexuality if you want. Some ppl are gay etc... so feel free to be whatever becuase mom and In will always love you"
3) Ummm... add into the conversation "People have their space etc..."

theman69 said:

I didnt tell my wife anything. My son is 15, turning 16 in 2 months. My wife is out of town right now thank god so I have some time to decide what to do.


After sleeping on it, I think the best thing to do is to..

1) Not tell my wife anything. Ill just take her old toys and be like "i think we need some new ones" and problem there solved
2) Ill talk to my son and sit down and tell him something to the affect of "I know your growing up and wondering about sex. Its okay to explore your sexuality if you want. Some ppl are gay etc... so feel free to be whatever becuase mom and In will always love you"
3) Ummm... add into the conversation "People have their space etc..."

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Not a bad plan, at all.

Just be cautious with #2. Enjoying anal stimulation doesn't necessarily mean he is or will be gay. Maybe it is better to say, "feel free to explore, just be safe. "

I've never felt like replying to somebody elses dilemmas as i'm usually the one with them but....

I CANNOT believe that any of you are talking about talking to the poor lad about what happened or even that its okay to do these things as long as he uses his own toys.

The only thing that he has done wrong is used somebody elses toys and looked through private draws but if you talk to him about it it makes it obvious that you know and he will be mortified. It would upset him SO MUCH and could have a major effect on what he thinks is wrong or right.

It would be better to drop hints about things appearing to be moved to different places etc (i.e. somebody has moved something in our room) and perhaps even jokingly talk about having hidden cameras up somewhere! Get new toys and hide them somewhere new.

I enjoy anal stimulation but i'm not gay and if i ever got caught or thought i'd been caught i'd be more embarrassed than at any other time in my life.

He is 15 going on 16 so he is exploring his sexuality. It is normal to masturbate and "find" what feels good whether it is your hand, toys ect.

I have a 16 year old who I have had to lock down his computer to the point of you can only go to disney (not quite as sever but you get the picture) because he did nothing but surf porn.

When I locked down all the "straight" porn sites he started surfing the gay porn sites.

I sat down honestly and talked to him about them. He said gay porn sites have lesbians on them to so I see naked ladies.

We have talked about his masturbation (he does it frequently), we have talked about his sexuality (right now he thinks he is bi, but doesn't know what it means).

I think you should sit and talk with him, don't yell at him or tell him he is sick or anything. For me it has brought me and my son closer and put my mind at ease and for my son, I think, it has made his already normal difficult time in life easier and let him know that he can talk to his parents about sex (why this is such a taboo in some households is beyond me, like the parents never do it.)

UKJake said:

I CANNOT believe that any of you are talking about talking to the poor lad about what happened or even that its okay to do these things as long as he uses his own toys.

The only thing that he has done wrong is used somebody elses toys and looked through private draws but if you talk to him about it it makes it obvious that you know and he will be mortified. It would upset him SO MUCH and could have a major effect on what he thinks is wrong or right.

It would be better to drop hints about things appearing to be moved to different places etc (i.e. somebody has moved something in our room) and perhaps even jokingly talk about having hidden cameras up somewhere! Get new toys and hide them somewhere new.

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The boy was caught in the open. The boy knows that the father saw him, thus the situation should be addressed head on. It's better if they have the talk rather than having the man's son speculate as to what his father is thinking, especially when they are comtemplating what is right or wrong.

Dropping hints is the WORST. Making fun (jokes can be cruel) is also not a good idea IMHO. Talk about once, then end it. Don't prolong the inevitable and don't bring it from time to time. Dad, let your feelings be heard and then end it.

Mona said:

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The boy was caught in the open. The boy knows that the father saw him, thus the situation should be addressed head on. It's better if they have the talk rather than having the man's son speculate as to what his father is thinking, especially when they are comtemplating what is right or wrong.

Dropping hints is the WORST. Making fun (jokes can be cruel) is also not a good idea IMHO. Talk about once, then end it. Don't prolong the inevitable and don't bring it from time to time. Dad, let your feelings be heard and then end it.

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he didnt SEE me there.... trust me... he was around the corner by where the bath and toilet are and like yea... he didnt see me

UKJake said:

I've never felt like replying to somebody elses dilemmas as i'm usually the one with them but....

I CANNOT believe that any of you are talking about talking to the poor lad about what happened or even that its okay to do these things as long as he uses his own toys.

The only thing that he has done wrong is used somebody elses toys and looked through private draws but if you talk to him about it it makes it obvious that you know and he will be mortified. It would upset him SO MUCH and could have a major effect on what he thinks is wrong or right.

It would be better to drop hints about things appearing to be moved to different places etc (i.e. somebody has moved something in our room) and perhaps even jokingly talk about having hidden cameras up somewhere! Get new toys and hide them somewhere new.

I enjoy anal stimulation but i'm not gay and if i ever got caught or thought i'd been caught i'd be more embarrassed than at any other time in my life.

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Yes, it IS likely to have an effect on what he thinks is wrong or right. That's the point! If you talk to him and tell him that exploring his sexuality is ok and invading people's privacy is not, then you're sending the right message! A parent's job is to teach a child right and wrong. And the truth is that while what he did isn't anything horrible, it also isn't right. It's not right to snoop through someone's things. It's not right to use anyone's toys without their permission. It's not right to use someone else's condoms without their permission. The child needs to learn that. And he's not going to learn that from any dropped hints. Addressing an issue head on is almost always better than dancing around it. If you drop hints several things could happen. He might not catch on. He might realize that you know somehow and aren't talking to him about it directly (never a good idea to send a message to your child that there's something that can't be talked about). And he also might just decide that it's ok to still do it as long as he's careful about putting things back - the whole "it's not wrong if you don't get caught" mentality. Jokes are also a bad idea. They can be hurtful and make things a lot worse than they are. As it is, when you bring it up (assuming you choose to do so) he's probably going to already be extremely embarassed. Teasing him could significantly damage your relationship and teach him to hide things from you. I do agree that you should probably get new toys and hide them elsewhere, preferably in a container that locks. In fact, there's a thread on hiding toys here:

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=113386&highlight=hide+toys

Just be careful when you're talking to him. Try not to embarass the child more than necessary. And be aware that he's probably going to be very embarassed about masturbating at all, liking anal stimulation, AND the fact that the "borrowed" vibrator belongs to his mother. And then there's the uncomfortable feeling most kids get when talking about ANYTHING with their parents that's related to sex. Personally, I'd talk about how masturbation is healthy and exploring is a good thing (as long as it's safe) and then focus on the privacy issue. Of course, teaching him about privacy will work best if you also respect HIS privacy - then you can point out that you don't go snooping through his drawers or using things that belong to him. As for telling him to get his own toys - as he's fifteen he legally can't yet. I don't know the laws regarding you getting things for him, as you're his parent. Assuming it's legal and not too mortifying for both of you, I'd advise seeing to it that he does at least have one toy of his own. That would seriously cut down on the temptation to go looking for your wife's again. And it would show that you really are ok with him exploring his body and not just saying it. Kids do worry about things like that. Anyway - that's my annoyingly long two cents worth. Good luck.

intelligencenazi said:

Yes, it IS likely to have an effect on what he thinks is wrong or right. That's the point! If you talk to him and tell him that exploring his sexuality is ok and invading people's privacy is not, then you're sending the right message! A parent's job is to teach a child right and wrong. And the truth is that while what he did isn't anything horrible, it also isn't right. It's not right to snoop through someone's things. It's not right to use anyone's toys without their permission. It's not right to use someone else's condoms without their permission. The child needs to learn that. And he's not going to learn that from any dropped hints. Addressing an issue head on is almost always better than dancing around it. If you drop hints several things could happen. He might not catch on. He might realize that you know somehow and aren't talking to him about it directly (never a good idea to send a message to your child that there's something that can't be talked about). And he also might just decide that it's ok to still do it as long as he's careful about putting things back - the whole "it's not wrong if you don't get caught" mentality. Jokes are also a bad idea. They can be hurtful and make things a lot worse than they are. As it is, when you bring it up (assuming you choose to do so) he's probably going to already be extremely embarassed. Teasing him could significantly damage your relationship and teach him to hide things from you. I do agree that you should probably get new toys and hide them elsewhere, preferably in a container that locks. In fact, there's a thread on hiding toys here:

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=113386&highlight=hide+toys

Just be careful when you're talking to him. Try not to embarass the child more than necessary. And be aware that he's probably going to be very embarassed about masturbating at all, liking anal stimulation, AND the fact that the "borrowed" vibrator belongs to his mother. And then there's the uncomfortable feeling most kids get when talking about ANYTHING with their parents that's related to sex. Personally, I'd talk about how masturbation is healthy and exploring is a good thing (as long as it's safe) and then focus on the privacy issue. Of course, teaching him about privacy will work best if you also respect HIS privacy - then you can point out that you don't go snooping through his drawers or using things that belong to him. As for telling him to get his own toys - as he's fifteen he legally can't yet. I don't know the laws regarding you getting things for him, as you're his parent. Assuming it's legal and not too mortifying for both of you, I'd advise seeing to it that he does at least have one toy of his own. That would seriously cut down on the temptation to go looking for your wife's again. And it would show that you really are ok with him exploring his body and not just saying it. Kids do worry about things like that. Anyway - that's my annoyingly long two cents worth. Good luck.

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I was going to write a response, but I really don't think I could say it better than Int. It's all wonderful advice and sums up my thoughts perfectly!

intelligencenazi said:

Yes, it IS likely to have an effect on what he thinks is wrong or right. That's the point! If you talk to him and tell him that exploring his sexuality is ok and invading people's privacy is not, then you're sending the right message! A parent's job is to teach a child right and wrong. And the truth is that while what he did isn't anything horrible, it also isn't right. It's not right to snoop through someone's things. It's not right to use anyone's toys without their permission. It's not right to use someone else's condoms without their permission. The child needs to learn that. And he's not going to learn that from any dropped hints. Addressing an issue head on is almost always better than dancing around it. If you drop hints several things could happen. He might not catch on. He might realize that you know somehow and aren't talking to him about it directly (never a good idea to send a message to your child that there's something that can't be talked about). And he also might just decide that it's ok to still do it as long as he's careful about putting things back - the whole "it's not wrong if you don't get caught" mentality. Jokes are also a bad idea. They can be hurtful and make things a lot worse than they are. As it is, when you bring it up (assuming you choose to do so) he's probably going to already be extremely embarassed. Teasing him could significantly damage your relationship and teach him to hide things from you. I do agree that you should probably get new toys and hide them elsewhere, preferably in a container that locks. In fact, there's a thread on hiding toys here:

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=113386&highlight=hide+toys

Just be careful when you're talking to him. Try not to embarass the child more than necessary. And be aware that he's probably going to be very embarassed about masturbating at all, liking anal stimulation, AND the fact that the "borrowed" vibrator belongs to his mother. And then there's the uncomfortable feeling most kids get when talking about ANYTHING with their parents that's related to sex. Personally, I'd talk about how masturbation is healthy and exploring is a good thing (as long as it's safe) and then focus on the privacy issue. Of course, teaching him about privacy will work best if you also respect HIS privacy - then you can point out that you don't go snooping through his drawers or using things that belong to him. As for telling him to get his own toys - as he's fifteen he legally can't yet. I don't know the laws regarding you getting things for him, as you're his parent. Assuming it's legal and not too mortifying for both of you, I'd advise seeing to it that he does at least have one toy of his own. That would seriously cut down on the temptation to go looking for your wife's again. And it would show that you really are ok with him exploring his body and not just saying it. Kids do worry about things like that. Anyway - that's my annoyingly long two cents worth. Good luck.

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sounds like a great plan of action. I think ill revise my plans now

I still think its a massive mistake to say something NOW. Had it been tackled straight away then it may not have been a problem but having somebody come up to me now and say something about what i did days/weeks/months ago would horrify me! Absolutely horrify me!

I've read this board for years and years and seen (and received) some splendid advice but i am absolutely positive that talking to him about it now would be the most seriously wrong thing to do!

I think intelligencenazi hit the nail on the head.

theman69 said:

he didnt SEE me there.... trust me... he was around the corner by where the bath and toilet are and like yea... he didnt see me

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Oops, my mistake.

Intelligencenazi said it all and then some.
Thanks for linking that thread. I hadn't seen it in awhile.

Go very Gently

theman69 said:

I didnt tell my wife anything. My son is 15, turning 16 in 2 months. My wife is out of town right now thank god so I have some time to decide what to do.


After sleeping on it, I think the best thing to do is to..

1) Not tell my wife anything. Ill just take her old toys and be like "i think we need some new ones" and problem there solved
2) Ill talk to my son and sit down and tell him something to the affect of "I know your growing up and wondering about sex. Its okay to explore your sexuality if you want. Some ppl are gay etc... so feel free to be whatever becuase mom and In will always love you"
3) Ummm... add into the conversation "People have their space etc..."

Click to expand...

A little more gentle I think. This is his turn to talk - anything you say will be presumed judgemental - and don't even assume gay: he may juist have decided he likes his ass stimulated.

Just tell him this is his chance to talk to you - if he doesn't want to talk now you don't push it but tell him he can come and talk any time, then let him chose the time and place. He'll respecxt you for that and probably whatever it is will comew tumbling out. Any attempt at "coaxing" will be percieved as judgemental and you will have missed your chance.

Good luck: you both need it.

A

Thanks everyone.

I just remember how I would have felt if I had ever used my mother's vibrator and been caught. Hell, she found a picture I drew of a naked woman and got accusatory, talked about how dirty it was, and made fun of me for weeks. I remember that. And I just know that is the WRONG course to take. Even the best talk can be painful, but if it's done in hints or teasing it can foster guilt and shame, it can seriously hurt the parent/child relationship, and it leaves the kid resentful and viewing their own sexuality as something dirty or wrong. And that's the last thing you want to do. The fact that the kid was masturbating is not a bad thing. The problem lies in the fact that he invaded privacy and helped himself to things that didn't belong to him. I would like to point out that it's probably not due to the kid being a thief or a bad person at ALL. He was probably just very very curious. Yes, it was wrong, but it's not like he could walk to the nearest sex shop and waltz into the toy room. He might have even found the vibrator originally by accident. Maybe not, but it does happen. Of course, using it was still wrong, but he probably wasn't even thinking of it as an invasion of privacy. Kids don't always think too hard about whether something's right or wrong before they do it. Of course, that's why you need to talk to him - he needs to learn that what he did was wrong. At the same time it probably doesn't mean that you can't generally trust him. Anyway - I'm rambling again.

On another quick note - I agree that you probably shouldn't assume that the fact that he likes anal stimulation means he's gay. And if you're uncomfortable pointing out that masturbation is healthy, or think you might be too embarassed to say so and sound out all sincere, there's lots of books on masturbation that mention how it's healthy that you could give him. Of course, some kids might be more embarassed by that. I wouldn't have been, but I'm a total bookworm and always have been. I just figure you don't want to have any American Pie dad moments. Anyway. Good luck again.

My experience.
When I was about eight or nine a friend and I decide to copy what we had seen in the mens change room at the local pool. We went to an old abandoned school, took off our clothes and ran around naked (that`s it) anyway as so often happens one of my older sisters caught us, she dragged me home yelling dire threats of what mum would do when she got home. I was then locked in my room for about 2 hours with my brothers and sisters standing guard and waiting for my mum.
When she got home my sister told her what I had been doing, when she came into the room I was sure I could almost see a smile on her face.
She said "You know they are all waiting for me to smack you." She then said "When I clap my hands you yell, come out in about 10 minutes and look sad."

How cool is that.

The point you ask. 35 years on I still remember that as a good thing and have no hangups about that day, yet with the wrong attitude she could have changed my whole outlook on sexuality.

PS I got the snitch back, I put a dead snake just inside the front gate, she nearly shit herself.

Most everybody has given good advice here...I suppose the thing I'd emphasize is that it's rather poor form to go about using other people's toys, especially putting it in the back door. But I suppose he had some sense of that if he put a condom on it.

MissTaken said:

Not a bad plan, at all.

Just be cautious with #2. Enjoying anal stimulation doesn't necessarily mean he is or will be gay. Maybe it is better to say, "feel free to explore, just be safe. "

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Again. I'd like to emphasis that playing with his ass has almost nothing aat all to do with sexual preference. Consider him hetero until proven otherwise.

what makes you think he isnt reading this..........