an inability to orgasm

a friend confided to me that she cannot reach orgasm by masturbation: neither clitoral, vaginal nor anal stimulation can get her there when she flies solo. she isn't a very repressed sort of person--rather the reverse, actually. we discussed it for a while and i couldn't understand how that was possible. it sounds to me like she needs g-spot stimulation to reach the promised land and can't get there using toys. i do plan to point her to mr. g's "try this and report back" thread, before anybody asks.

that said, is this common? is it, in your opinion, a technique problem perhaps?

i did look in the blank manual but didn't seem to see anything (besides "try this and report back") that really addressed this particular question: if i've missed something, a link would be really helpful.

ed

i think that sometimes it CAN be a phisiological thing... but more often than not, it's an emotional thing... and it doesn't necessarily have to be that someone's sexually repressed to have a "blocked" orgasm. i think it's possible for a sexually adventurous/open woman to find it hard to orgasm because of, perhaps, some other mental or emotional issue.

i know that doesn't really help, but i thought maybe the theory might help you devine something from what you know of her?

well, as a guy i'm accustomed to the idea of orgasm being easily accomplished through rote mechanics. it's entirely possible that she simply doesn't get enough emotional stimulation out of it using her toys and i should have noted this in my first post.

but yes, i think it's fair to describe her as a sexually open-minded person.

ed

But she can have an orgasm with a partner, yes?

silverwhisper said:

a friend confided to me that she cannot reach orgasm by masturbation: neither clitoral, vaginal nor anal stimulation can get her there when she flies solo. .....
ed

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silverwhisper, hope mine is not a dumb question, but can she get an orgasm any other way?? PIV sex, or????

bi: yep. like i said, it's weird to me that it would be so difficult.

exciteher: see response to bi. :>

ed

silverwhisper said:

bi: yep. like i said, it's weird to me that it would be so difficult.

exciteher: see response to bi. :>

ed

Click to expand...

It seems like it has to be a mental thing, look here:
www.bettydodson.com

silverwhisper said:

bi: yep. like i said, it's weird to me that it would be so difficult.

Click to expand...

Assuming its not related to anything emotional, then I would say it is probably because she isn't getting fully stimulated like she would if someone was there. Some times when you're masturbating you skip the normal "foreplay" that you would have with a partner. And if you aren't aroused to a certain level then its difficult to orgasm. (Yeah, you guys have it so simple - just stroke it and you're set. )

thanks! it never even dawned on me that she would have a site...

[hangs head in shame]

:>

ed

bisexplicit said:

Assuming its not related to anything emotional, then I would say it is probably because she isn't getting fully stimulated....Some times when you're masturbating you skip the normal "foreplay" that you would have with a partner. And if you aren't aroused to a certain level then its difficult to orgasm... )

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Bi, great point!

I am wondering if she is fantasizing... or not.

Also if she can "imagine" in each sensory system... some people cannot. Aldous Huxley for example could not "visulaize" an image of any sort, if you were to ask him to imagine a red baloon he could only "see" blackness... one reason why he explored psycoactive drugs. Others cannot imagine touches, sounds, scents etc.

So the question is, what is the "difference that makes the difference" between sex with a partner, and masturbation for her.

Exciteher said:

I am wondering if she is fantasizing... or not.

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Thats a really good point, too. I /need/ something to fantasize about when on my own and am unable to orgasm without it (actually, I always need a fantasy even when with someone else).

she's fantasizing, although i'm less certain whether she's "just masturbating" or "making love to herself". i don't think she grasps the second concept fully, to be honest.

ed