Getting my bottom ready for anal

My husband really wants to be able to make love to my bottom. I love it when he plays with it orally and with one finger. But when he tries to put himself inside of me it hurts unless I'm playing with myself...which is fine, but as soon as I orgasm it starts hurting again. Please tell me how I can get my bottom used to longer times of penetration. And him being able to move inside of my bottom. This is my first post, so I'm sorry if I'm not doing this correctly.

I would love feedback asap, since our kids are gone for springbreak and we can practice as much as we'd like!

You did fine, and welcome!

I think you'd do really well to check out the anal section of The Blank Manual sticky (also right at the top of How To). There's tons of great advice and suggestions on what to try in there.

Personally, I find clitoral or vaginal stimulation during anal to be extremely helpful, so you might be on the right track with that part of your current routine.

assuming your hubby isn't super wide, its probably just a lack of enough lube, and patience.

I like a heavier lube, Ky jelly, to start things off. then you can use KY liquid, which will make the jelly slicker, and the jelly keeps the liquid more long lasting.

I'm interested to see what the more experienced people say, but for what its worth, I've found that some people are just generally easier to 'get into' than others.
My first experience of anal was with a girlfriend after a long break, who was off birth control, no condoms around and she just said, why don't you go here.
I just rubbed a bit of our juices round her hole and after a few slips with the angle not right, my head eased in. She got me to slow down at that stage, while she got used to it, but quite soon was getting me to go as deep as I could. She was quite tight too it seemed, but with hardly any lube and effort I got in very quickly. Strangely, the fucking was nice but the orgasm was so-so. Only did it the once with her so never got to see if it changed.
With my current, long term partner, she has to be very turned on to do it and it takes quite a bit of effort - lots of lube, lots of opening up, and even then I have to go ultra slow on the entrance. Even then I sometimes have to stop, but other times she will be wanking away with me going flat out right up her. Again, the orgasms are variable - sometimes powerful shooters and sometimes fizzlers - it definitely depends on if she's really enjoying it or struggling with it.

I did notice though that after the first few times, she was more open (although there are still times that she stays tight).

My usual method is during a long bout of oral on her, to slowly ease a finger in - usually with at least a little lube, and work up to a couple. Then if she's wanting to continue I ease a third in. In fact I remember now that that was one turning point for doing anal with her - I'd been getting her to the point of taking two fingers then trying to enter with my cock, but one time I was just turned on by my fingers up there, and so tried with a third finger. When I went to enter her, I realised that she was that little more free and I went in much easier. Since then, opening her up with 3 fingers has always made it easier.

One thing I notice with her, and no others is that I can feel her hole slowly letting me in, which is an exquisite feeling for me (not so much for her) - it usually takes a couple of minutes to ease the head in, and during that time, her hole is slowly expanding over my cock and I feel it slowly move down the sensitive bit of the glans. Almost the best part of it for me.

You don't say whether he opens you up any more than a fingers-worth before trying with his cock - so may be thats worth trying - or a dildo of similar thickness.

I have noticed that some woman just don't like being penetrated too deeply with a cock too. Although I love deep stuff, one womans dislike of it taught me the pleasures of anal with just the head and a bit more in. Again this is probably because I like that sensation on my glans, but for her too, it was the extra rubbing and pressure on her entrance that worked well for her.

Well - hope that is of interest. I enjoyed it myself, but hope its not all self gratification
Let us know how you progress. In detail.

Thank you

I appreciate all of the feedback.

Earlier yesterday my husband and I watched porn and he played with me with our new vibrator and his fingers. He got 2 fingers in my bottom, but it hurt when he moved them. So last night we went and bought new lube last night and this stuff called anal-ese....My husband was able to go very deep and fuck me for a very long time. But I was so numb and that goop had got on my pussy so I couldn't even come last night. He said his cock got numb too, but he came anyway because the thought of being in my ass was too incredible.

Anyway the stuff didn't wear off for a few hours. And it still hurt later. And just felt strange.

Of course today I checked this and saw that people had wrote and learned some new things.

Please keep leaving any tips you have and I'll read up on it in the Anal Sticky (?)

Just wanted to say - be really, really careful using the Anal-ease. When it numbs you up, you can do real damage to yourself, because you can't hear the pain receptors screaming stop.

As Billy-wwwww said -

Since then, opening her up with 3 fingers has always made it easier.

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Slow and steady, you'll get to enjoy it too.

Ctoago said:

Just wanted to say - be really, really careful using the Anal-ease. When it numbs you up, you can do real damage to yourself, because you can't hear the pain receptors screaming stop.

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I agree with this, though I know there are people who have posted to anal sex threads in the past who disagree.

Pain is the body's way of saying that something's not right, and people who try to mask the pain run the risk of damaging the delicate tissues in the area.

Off-topic question for the thread starter--Does your hubby allow you to penetrate his ass with a finger or toy?

1_hotlilmomma said:

I appreciate all of the feedback.

Earlier yesterday my husband and I watched porn and he played with me with our new vibrator and his fingers. He got 2 fingers in my bottom, but it hurt when he moved them. So last night we went and bought new lube last night and this stuff called anal-ese....My husband was able to go very deep and fuck me for a very long time. But I was so numb and that goop had got on my pussy so I couldn't even come last night. He said his cock got numb too, but he came anyway because the thought of being in my ass was too incredible.

Anyway the stuff didn't wear off for a few hours. And it still hurt later. And just felt strange.

Of course today I checked this and saw that people had wrote and learned some new things.

Please keep leaving any tips you have and I'll read up on it in the Anal Sticky (?)

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Yeah, I think numbing products have some valid applications, but anal isn't one of them. When done right, there's no need for anesthetic because it doesn't hurt, but you have to be patient and willing to try things and practice to get to that point.

It sounds like there are a few things going on here:
1) Maybe not enough lube, especially with the finger activity. In most of the threads here you'll see, 'Lube, lube, lube, and when you think you have enough, add some more lube.' We like silicone lube because it's ultra-slick, takes less, and doesn't evaporate (so if you get enough in the first place, there's no need to reapply).

2) Perhaps having an orgasm before, and/or getting right to that point THEN having him penetrate SLOWLY with fingers would be helpful. Again, make sure you're using plenty of lube, and you communicate with him about what feels good and hurts.

3) You may be anticipating pain, tensing up, and getting the same results over and over. Consciously tighten and relax to learn your body, and explore different techniques together. Each time, focus on the fact that you're trying something new, and it likely won't hurt because you're open to it and relaxed. Remember it's about refining technique until you find something that works.

4) I figured out the anticipation of pain and lack of control I felt were causing big problems. So, we eliminated both of them by trying something different: me having complete control over the penetration and motion. Fingers, toys, or cock, he positioned and guided, but I moved into it at my own pace, and started thrusting only when I was completely comfortable and ready. Add some clitoral stimulation, and we were in business. It's mostly psychological --I don't do it any better than he does-- but knowing I wasn't going to hurt myself was just what we needed to be successful.

question answered

Off-topic question for the thread starter--Does your hubby allow you to penetrate his ass with a finger or toy?

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We talked about this a couple of nights ago. And he said I could try it...I had been reading on here about licking his hole and putting a finger up there and trying to give him a great orgasm by massaging his prostate. Anyway, he let me try it that night and I wasn't very good at it. I enjoyed licking his asshole, which really surprised me because I thought I'd never do that, but this site makes me horny! So anyway, I used mass amounts of lube and my finger actually went in very easy. But his muscle ring(??) seems much longer than mine and I have little fingers so it didn't feel like I got past that point at all. He said it didn't turn him off or hurt, but felt like he needed to shit. And since I was sucking his cock while doing this it wasn't what he wanted to feel like doing when I was sucking his cock.

I felt like a failure. I like to be good in bed and couldn't really tell what I was doing with the whole prostate massage.

As for the anal on me, I think my husband is so excited that I want to let him that he's having a hard time thinking of anything except getting his dick in my ass, so the last couple of nights he hasn't been as attentive on my pussy. He's at work now, but I plan on talking about that with him tonight.

I read up on a lot of anal stuff today and got the shit scared outta of me by people saying that if you do anal you'll have to wear a diaper later etc, but then I read that was bogus. The anal info is good, but hard to sift through and decide what is the best for me. I guess it's just trial and error.

1_hotlilmomma said:

We talked about this a couple of nights ago. And he said I could try it...I had been reading on here about licking his hole and putting a finger up there and trying to give him a great orgasm by massaging his prostate. Anyway, he let me try it that night and I wasn't very good at it. I enjoyed licking his asshole, which really surprised me because I thought I'd never do that, but this site makes me horny! So anyway, I used mass amounts of lube and my finger actually went in very easy. But his muscle ring(??) seems much longer than mine and I have little fingers so it didn't feel like I got past that point at all. He said it didn't turn him off or hurt, but felt like he needed to shit. And since I was sucking his cock while doing this it wasn't what he wanted to feel like doing when I was sucking his cock.

I felt like a failure. I like to be good in bed and couldn't really tell what I was doing with the whole prostate massage.

As for the anal on me, I think my husband is so excited that I want to let him that he's having a hard time thinking of anything except getting his dick in my ass, so the last couple of nights he hasn't been as attentive on my pussy. He's at work now, but I plan on talking about that with him tonight.

I read up on a lot of anal stuff today and got the shit scared outta of me by people saying that if you do anal you'll have to wear a diaper later etc, but then I read that was bogus. The anal info is good, but hard to sift through and decide what is the best for me. I guess it's just trial and error.

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For more great info, check out this link as well, for suggestions and answers to many questions about anal from a doctor: http://www.sexuality.org/morin98.html

And also try www.puckerup.com, where anal expert Tristan Taormino shares her extensive knowledge and insight into the topic!

1_hotlilmomma said:

He said it didn't turn him off or hurt, but felt like he needed to shit. And since I was sucking his cock while doing this it wasn't what he wanted to feel like doing when I was sucking his cock.

I felt like a failure. I like to be good in bed and couldn't really tell what I was doing with the whole prostate massage.

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Perhaps you should look for some toys that might work more effectively than your fingers?

And if nothing else, maybe he'll have a little more respect for your discomfort now.

What about trying a but plug to streach your opening a little, wear it for a couple hours a day, walk arround with it on etc...

It may work it may not, just my .02.

Best advice on anal I ever got was the following:

1) Don't try until after you've shit

2) Don't do it with anyone you don't trust

3) On entry, if you "push out" as though you are trying to shit, there will be much less pain, pretty much none unless what's going in is pretty damn big, in my experience. You have to push this waywhile they try to enter, and keep pushing until they are past the sphinctor. The same thing that lets stuff out of your as will open it up to things coming in. I don't know what it's like for women, but in men, the push phase of the kegel also opens the sphinctor. Experiment with a small dildo, cucumber, whatever. It's really quite easy.

4) Use lube, something like astroglide.

5) Enter slow. In playing around(receiving), I've always found the most pleasure on the out stroke, so at the start, if you speed up, don't do it on the in stroke, that could be painful(because deep strokes can hurt).

I don't believe in the numbing stuff, it's a sure bet if you can't do anal without that, you're either not receiving right, or your partner is being too rough, or both.

Additionally, there will also probably be some discomfort in the beggining because the penis bearer may not have done it a lot, and so may not have a feel for the angle and all. Teamwork.

My first girlfriend loved anal, but I never realized that what made it work was not just how I was sticking it in. When I maried, my wife decided to try it, and despite my gentleness, the entry was bad for her. She hid from me that she cried, but I saw, and I felt horrible about it, though she knows that I didn't mean to hurt her. We're building up to it again, this time with me much more aware of what the recipient needs to know(research and "homework"). If it ever happens, I'll be very happy, not because I need anal, it's fun, but because my wife will finally understand that what I was trying to do was bring her another form of pleasure, not me.

My one problem now is that I've looked so much into the recipient's role, that I'm baffled on how I'm gonna last more the one glance at my cock in my wife's ass and the feeling of it.

As for the need for trust, no matter what it's gonna hurt if someone just plows into you.

Hope that helps, it's what little I know on the subject.

#3 is the most important point if you're receiving, though. It's not a matter, in most cases, of having to stretch the ass in order to take cock, though some stretching can't hurt(haha), but of knowing what to do. Anal is a lot more fun when you do that, though I've taken in toys without, it's not a roughness I care for, and for the first time, it's somthing you definitely would benefit from knowing.

1_hotlilmomma said:

make love to my bottom.

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I love this phrase and use it whenever possible.

Sorry, I just reread your post, you didn't really mention having trouble on entry.

Is it deep thrusts that make it hard for you? If so, some positions make for shallower thrusts, plus knowing deep thrusts make it not fun for you would be a good motivator for your guy to keep it shallow. Plus, if he keeps it shallow, his cock will almost always be having the sphinctor tight just beneath the head, so he'll probably finish quicker, I would think.

Are you using lubricant? Lots of lubricant? Like, "we're gonna need the big towel" amounts of lubricant? On BOTH his cock and your ass?

Is it too fast for you? I'm a slow hand kind of guy, I play rough where my SO me to, but in anal, I'm not a pounder, I'm a slow as mollases in kind of guy, it just feels better to me. If you're relationship is anything like my wife's and mine, you probably could easily take charge with a surprise "You know what we're gonna do tonight? You're gonna fuck my ass nice and slow, and if you're really good, tonight won't be the only night we do it."

I envy you. My wife is slowly picking up this stuff, but she's very shy, it's my role in our relationship to make her feel nasty and do nasty things, but it's something that we go about very slowly. I'm not rushing tha anal thing with her. Especially since right now, she's getting into playing with big toys. I don't want to get too crazy all at once.

Whew, I better cool down.

1_hotlilmomma said:

I felt like a failure. I like to be good in bed and couldn't really tell what I was doing with the whole prostate massage..

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Don't ever feel like a failure because something doesn't workthe way it's described on here. When trying something new you never know what's going to happen. maybe your fingers are to short to reach his prostate. Maybe this technique just won't work on him. Maybe you were just missing the spot. Any of these are just things you need to work on, learning exactly what parts of his body evoke which reactions from him. Not getting it right the first time does NOT equate to failure, it just means you need to explore further.

1_hotlilmomma said:

As for the anal on me, I think my husband is so excited that I want to let him that he's having a hard time thinking of anything except getting his dick in my ass, so the last couple of nights he hasn't been as attentive on my pussy. He's at work now, but I plan on talking about that with him tonight.

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Do talk to him, because this is something that a lot of guys do. I know I was there, in exactly the same situation in fact. You're absolutely right, he's developing tunnel vision because he's fixating on the "new thing". Just be sensitive in how you approach it, because he probably doesn't even realize he's doing it. Chances are once you mention it he'll be more attentive to other things as well.

This also brigns up a good point, take things SLLOOWWWWW. If he's too excited he might be tempted to rush. Make sure he goes slow. And he can't neglect other parts while having anal sex either. My wife is much like you and Erika in that anal sex is not only easier, but more pleasurable when combined with other stimulation. He just has to learn to multi-task.

This is all really good advice, but there's one thing I haven't seen mentioned. Do YOU want to do anal? Every partner I've had has tried taking in the butt, but only my wife has really gotten into it. We went very slow, used lube, but most importantly, she WANTED to do it. With some of my previous partners, they tried it as something "new" and, I'm assuming, wanted to please me. Once you get your head around the idea, and decide you WANT to have him in your butt, not just LET him, things may be easier. I know not very specific, but a thought I had reading this thread.

Slightly OT:

"Especially since right now, she's getting into playing with big toys. I don't want to get too crazy all at once."

Palamino, you mentioned your wife ws getting into playing with big toys, what are using? My wife is as well, but we had problems with the big boy I had gotten her, allergic reaction to jelly (see post a weeks ago). I'm researching a new one, looking at Cyberskin, just wondering what other people are using. She was reluctant at first, but once she had it in (2 3/8" dia.) she came immediately! But since we can't use that toy anymore, I want to make sure the replacment is OK. I'm thinking the softer cyberskin will be easier and more "life-like". Probably should start a new thread on this one, huh? Thanks to everyone!

Fiasco69 said:

\
Palamino, you mentioned your wife ws getting into playing with big toys, what are using? My wife is as well, but we had problems with the big boy I had gotten her, allergic reaction to jelly (see post a weeks ago). I'm researching a new one, looking at Cyberskin, just wondering what other people are using. She was reluctant at first, but once she had it in (2 3/8" dia.) she came immediately! But since we can't use that toy anymore, I want to make sure the replacment is OK. I'm thinking the softer cyberskin will be easier and more "life-like". Probably should start a new thread on this one, huh? Thanks to everyone!

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Actually, the largest one we have is jelly, not as large as the one you've mentioned. I'm getting ready to buy a larger one, maybe I'll avoid jelly just in case.

Answering questions

Man I love this site, everyone is so helpful!

I do want it in my ass. Even though it hurts, I come very hard plus my pussy instantly just gushes upon penetration. When my husband puts it in my ass it's uncomfortable so far, but not as bad as when he starts trying to fuck it, especially when he goes deep.

Also we talked last night, and he agreed that he didn't give other parts much attention, but I was also still sore from the night before when we tried the anal-ese. It worked great for his pleasure and getting to ram it in, but man I paid all day yesterday with pain and feeling like my insides had been through a blender.

We didn't do anything last night we had an argument (not related to sex). So I've been able to rest and tonight I'm gonna try out some of these suggestions, especially lots of lube!

Thank you so much for your wonderful posts,they are very encouraging!

1_hotlilmomma said:

Man I love this site, everyone is so helpful!

I do want it in my ass. Even though it hurts, I come very hard plus my pussy instantly just gushes upon penetration. When my husband puts it in my ass it's uncomfortable so far, but not as bad as when he starts trying to fuck it, especially when he goes deep.

Also we talked last night, and he agreed that he didn't give other parts much attention, but I was also still sore from the night before when we tried the anal-ese. It worked great for his pleasure and getting to ram it in, but man I paid all day yesterday with pain and feeling like my insides had been through a blender.

We didn't do anything last night we had an argument (not related to sex). So I've been able to rest and tonight I'm gonna try out some of these suggestions, especially lots of lube!

Thank you so much for your wonderful posts,they are very encouraging!

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Since it hurt so much yesterday, maybe you should wait another day or two to try anal again. You might have little tears in the skin that could benefit from an extra day of healing.

Norajane said:

Since it hurt so much yesterday, maybe you should wait another day or two to try anal again. You might have little tears in the skin that could benefit from an extra day of healing.

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This is really good advice.

Thank you

Norajane said:

Since it hurt so much yesterday, maybe you should wait another day or two to try anal again. You might have little tears in the skin that could benefit from an extra day of healing.

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Thank you for the advice, I will wait.

1_hotlilmomma said:

Man I love this site, everyone is so helpful!

I do want it in my ass. Even though it hurts, I come very hard plus my pussy instantly just gushes upon penetration. When my husband puts it in my ass it's uncomfortable so far, but not as bad as when he starts trying to fuck it, especially when he goes deep.

Also we talked last night, and he agreed that he didn't give other parts much attention, but I was also still sore from the night before when we tried the anal-ese. It worked great for his pleasure and getting to ram it in, but man I paid all day yesterday with pain and feeling like my insides had been through a blender.

We didn't do anything last night we had an argument (not related to sex). So I've been able to rest and tonight I'm gonna try out some of these suggestions, especially lots of lube!

Thank you so much for your wonderful posts,they are very encouraging!

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Why are you using Anal-ese? That is not a good product at all since it numbs the area. And he should not be "ramming" his cock in there, he needs to be gentle, gentle, GENTLE. Once there is enough lube, and I mean proper lube, such as Millenium or Glide, and your ass has been warmed up through finger play, THEN he can SLIDE slowly in or you can back onto his cock at YOUR pace. YOU need to be in control, not him, in order to keep that sphincter relaxed...

Chi-Guy31 said:

Why are you using Anal-ese? That is not a good product at all since it numbs the area. And he should not be "ramming" his cock in there, he needs to be gentle, gentle, GENTLE. Once there is enough lube, and I mean proper lube, such as Millenium or Glide, and your ass has been warmed up through finger play, THEN he can SLIDE slowly in or you can back onto his cock at YOUR pace. YOU need to be in control, not him, in order to keep that sphincter relaxed...

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I'm gonna agree with this post 100%. Let's talka bout the realities of anal sex: IT'S NOT LIKE PORN!!!!

I have NEVER had a partner who I could RAM it in without getting a death threat. The only reason these porn stars can do it is because they've had a lot of time and action to get their minds ad bodies used to it. Oh I'm sure wiht enough lube and time getting things warmed up and stretched out that you'll be able to let him ram away, but he needs to be patient until you are at a point where you can do this. You can't just pop it in and go to town. And I'm not talking just working up to it each session, I mean it may take many encounters before you are able to let him go hog wild.

Patience, that's another key to success with anal play. You can't rush it all in one night. Our bodies just aren't naturally built for this.

I also once more will stress the anal-ease disdain. I had a friend in college who got injured pretty seriously from using this kind of product. He was torn to the point where he had to have the tear surgically repaired. Pain is our body's alarm mechanism that something ain't right. Discomfort is natural, pain is a warning, the problem is that this stuff numbs both!

Go slow, lots of lube, and clitoral stimulation especially during initial insertion. Make sure he knows that he may not be able to go balls deep and fast and furious at you, he may have to settle for slowly fucking your ass with only half of him inside of you. He should be happy with that, it's 50% more than most guys get.