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Have you told your parents?

Etoile

Etoile

Mod, 2003-2015
Joined
Dec 20, 2000
Posts
17,049
Here's a question - do any of your parents know that you're into BDSM? When I went through my parents' sex drawer when I was younger, I came across a copy of Bound Bimbos magazine...that was way more than I needed to know! I haven't exactly made a secret of my proclivities (I'm sure my mother has seen my LiveJournal profile, which mentions bdsm and fisting among the interests), but we haven't talked about it explicitly, either.
 
Mother knows.

She's much more able to cope with passing reference to my Top activities than my bottom, which makes conceptual sense, nobody's Mom wants to think about someone hitting them, other than her.

I spare her details, much as I hope she does for me, where her sex life is concerned. I just think it was fair to tell her why things were not working with my ex, and to let her know that things will work with M.
 
My mom knows, she actually had a plethora of questions when i finally told her, and even though she doesn't 'get it,' she is very supportive. My mom is actually very naive, so she has come to me many times with questions regarding sex, or alternative lifestyle.

I never share any details with her, though she has on occasion seen a few bruises here and there.

My dad on the other hand.. i would NEVER tell him. He is the most closed minded person i know, a control freak by every definition, and we are not at all close.

My sister knows, she is a psychology major, so of course she tried to diagnose me with 'sexual disorder'... i just laughed.
 
Never told, doubt I will; sex is just not one of those things it's okay to talk about in my family and I really don't see any reason to come out. If it ever becomes a relevant factor (though I can't imagine why that would be) or if I'm put in a position where I either explain why those bruises are there or they throw T in jail, then I'll tell them. But I don't think anything good will come from telling them something like that--they give me enough grief about taking responsibility for myself!
 
Not a chance. I am enough the wayward daughter in other areas of my life. It serves no purpose whatsoever to have them know about my sexual proclivities. I am fairly close to them, and share with them sketchy details of my current relationship (I am a just a private person, period), whether I am submissive or not, is just none of their business.

~anelize
 
Etoile said:
Here's a question - do any of your parents know that you're into BDSM? When I went through my parents' sex drawer when I was younger, I came across a copy of Bound Bimbos magazine...that was way more than I needed to know! I haven't exactly made a secret of my proclivities (I'm sure my mother has seen my LiveJournal profile, which mentions bdsm and fisting among the interests), but we haven't talked about it explicitly, either.
Click to expand...

My parents are dead, and I am a grandmother. But why?

I never told my parents I was heterosexual.

I never told my parents a lot of things. I do not think it is all that necessary to broadcast your personal business, unless it turns you on.
 
oh my god, there is simply no way. my father and i are very close, we talk on the phone almost every day and i go to see him on sundays, but we do NOT talk about sex. he never needs to know that his little girl likes being tied up and spanked, there's no reason! i don't want to know his kinks, i'm sure he doesn't want to know mine.
 
Being the black sheep of the family, and my mother continually reminding me how she feels my being born was the beginning of many bad things for everyone (and then tells me how much she admires me for my strength and determination in life...go figure), I have opted to chicken out of this one and not raise the subject. She thinks he is wonderful, far too good for me to hope to have a successful lasting relationship with, so I leave her in that wonderful state.

Also figure their very fragile health in their old age (80's) is a reason to not elaborate. That being said, I suspect she knows there is more than meets the eye. She has never mentioned my collar which normally she would, finding it totally unlike anything I would normally wear, and always finding it necessary to point these things out..so I suspect she has decided I may be into something she does not want to have confirmed or explained.

The good thing is though I am able to be open with my children about it. My daughter is also dabbling and discusses her thoughts and experiences with me often, asks advice sometimes, and respects my choices. Is nice to be able to discuss sexuality with your children when you grew up in an environment where your mother would love to be able to tell you your conception had nothing to do with that disgusting thing called sex, and proclaimed anyone who enjoyed it must be sick. Oh parents...lol.

Catalina
 
My mother knows. We haven't discussed details and I doubt that we will. Its not a hot topic of conversation between us.
 
my father knows, but thats it he doesn't know details but he knows enough. he doesn't much care what i do, he'll ask sooner or later and i will answer honestly.
my mother i am sure has some idea but doesn't ask questions if she thinks she may not like the answers
 
Being the black sheep of the family, and my mother continually reminding me how she feels my being born was the beginning of many bad things for everyone (and then tells me how much she admires me for my strength and determination in life...go figure), I have opted to chicken out of this one and not raise the subject. She thinks he is wonderful, far too good for me to hope to have a successful lasting relationship with, so I leave her in that wonderful state.

Also figure their very fragile health in their old age (80's) is a reason to not elaborate. That being said, I suspect she knows there is more than meets the eye. She has never mentioned my collar which normally she would, finding it totally unlike anything I would normally wear, and always finding it necessary to point these things out..so I suspect she has decided I may be into something she does not want to have confirmed or explained.

The good thing is though I am able to be open with my children about it. My daughter is also dabbling and discusses her thoughts and experiences with me often, asks advice sometimes, and respects my choices. Is nice to be able to discuss sexuality with your children when you grew up in an environment where your mother would love to be able to tell you your conception had nothing to do with that disgusting thing called sex, and proclaimed anyone who enjoyed it must be sick. Oh parents...lol.

Catalina
 
Etoile said:
Here's a question - do any of your parents know that you're into BDSM? When I went through my parents' sex drawer when I was younger, I came across a copy of Bound Bimbos magazine...that was way more than I needed to know! I haven't exactly made a secret of my proclivities (I'm sure my mother has seen my LiveJournal profile, which mentions bdsm and fisting among the interests), but we haven't talked about it explicitly, either.
Click to expand...

Yes, all my parents know (both sets). Speaking explicitly to them about sex holds little interest, but it does become an issue when relationships are involved. It's the same reason I came out to them as a lesbian many years ago - there is a whole level of intimacy which disappears when you can't speak openly about people you love, with other people you love.

my mother is still not thrilled (big shock, eh?) but that's okay - the mutual love and respect builds bridges where understanding has not quite stretched the distance. I simply needed her to know - now she can choose to ask questions which will lead to speaking about BDSM, or she can avoid them - but if she asks, she is going to get honesty and opennness, rather than being pushed away because I am hiding things from her.
 
No, I haven't told them. And for now, I can't imagine telling them. I'm not even out to them about my bisexuality yet.

I don't think I'll ever tell my dad anything about my sexuality, but as my mom goes through her transitions, I think I might become more open with her... I've already begun down that road, and it feels really good...
 
Ebony said:

My parents are dead, and I am a grandmother. But why?

I never told my parents I was heterosexual.

I never told my parents a lot of things. I do not think it is all that necessary to broadcast your personal business, unless it turns you on.


Ditto on all three!

- justina
 
My last surviving ascendent died late last year. So nope, haven't had parents to tell. One sister knows, some of my friends know. I only bother telling people where it makes sense to tell them. I don't feel like I have a guilty secret that I have to rush around confessing to people.

Like, it's my sexuality, what business is it of theirs? Except when it is, in which case I'm happy to share.
 
lol ah, hello guys? No one needs to come out as heterosexual as it is assumed. It's also why people have to choose or not choose to come out as kinky, because 'vanilla' is assumed. :)
 
Last edited:
No I haven't told my mother, though she was more understanding than I thought when she found out I had been in an interracial relationship. She said as long as I was happy she was happy for me. So with that blanket statement I see no point in bringing it up till I have all of my jewels in the same treasure chest with me. She will be shocked when I invite her to dinner and have three "girlfriends" living with me :devil: .
 
Re: Re: Have you told your parents?

Ebonyfire said:
My parents are dead, and I am a grandmother. But why?

I never told my parents I was heterosexual.

I never told my parents a lot of things. I do not think it is all that necessary to broadcast your personal business, unless it turns you on.
Click to expand...

Ditto on the last two.
I'm not a grandparent yet, not with an 11 year old.

If my parents had ever found out, I don't think that they would have been surprised.
 
I've haven't told them - but that doesn't keep them from asking about it.
 
My mother passed nine years ago. My father will be 83 this year... I'd sure hate to give him a heart attack by bringing it up. I've never discussed my sexuality with siblings either, no point to it. I have no interest in hearing about their love lives.
 
LOL...My mother still thinks I'm a virgin.....and I think it wouldn't go down too well if she knew that I liked to be spanked while I'm having sex....nuh uh...I don't think so.
 
lark sparrow said:
lol ah, hello guys? No one needs to come out as heterosexual as it is assumed. It's also why people have to choose or not choose to come out as kinky, because 'vanilla' is assumed. :)
Click to expand...
I think it's rare that people who aren't queer realize this. They think they're being clever by saying "oh, I don't come out as heterosexual," as if it makes them more open-minded. In this situation, though, it's other people whose minds matter, and those minds assume "straight" at all times unless told otherwise. It's hard for hets to understand. They don't come out as heterosexual because...they don't have to.
 
Absolutely in agreement with Lark S and Etoile. While I don't have a female life-partner I was pretty damn close at one point.

You tell me if you'd be content to go to company picnics, and Christmas pretending that your husband is really your brother.

Why should I fabricate some story of my ex being awful when he wasn't, and if pressed for details?
 
Etoile said:
I think it's rare that people who aren't queer realize this. They think they're being clever by saying "oh, I don't come out as heterosexual," as if it makes them more open-minded. In this situation, though, it's other people whose minds matter, and those minds assume "straight" at all times unless told otherwise. It's hard for hets to understand. They don't come out as heterosexual because...they don't have to.
Click to expand...

So true...as an adjunct has anyone seen the heterosexual questionaire which highlights many of the issues for them in a fun, but also enlightening way?

Catalina
 
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