All Comments on 'Into Her'

I like the rhymes, but your meter needs work. A little predictable with well worn phrases. Keep writing!

Since you asked for a critique on your first poem. I'll give you one.

I'd like to see you throw all your rhyme out the window, and rewrite this poem in your own words, not forcing them into some known structure that you think will make it a poem. Remove all phrases that you've heard before "a chill went up and down her spine", "passion", "flames"... you see what I'm getting at? Then once you do that, and you get down to the meat of the emotion. Turn around and describe those emotions with some of your own originality, so we can hear your true voice. You obviously are interested in writing poetry, I would love to see you interested in writing your emotions and turning them into poetry eventually. It's good to start anywhere.