Alien Impulses

"But the emotional side of our brains is, compared to the little we know of your own, almost feeble. We laugh, we cry, but these are merely automatic responses, like the brain instructing the liver to metabolise, or the stomach to churn, or the heart to race. We never actually feel these responses occur".

The gist of her point hit me at last, and a wave of pity crashed into my thoughts. "You never feel any of that?" I think my jaw actually dropped. "How awful."

Carpash nodded soberly. "This is how we think about it, also. A great shame. So much potential, so many emotional avenues to explore, to enjoy, in which to make mistakes, to learn, to excel. We are missing so much."

But they simply didn't seem all that upset about it. Perhaps he was right, and by never having experienced the high, they lacked the neurochemical faculty to feel the low. Jesus.

"So, you'd like me to teach you how to be happy?" The three laughed simultaneously. We were off to a good start, apparently!

"No, that is more the psychological side of the experiments. There, you will teach us much about achieving and maintaining happiness in our day-to-day lives. Here, we are interested in the chemical side, the neurology, and the anatomy of happiness. May we begin?"

I nodded, quite vigorously, and drew another chuckle from the team. They had me lay back on a broad, white counter made from some tough but almost outrageously comfortable material. "The scanning will begin shortly. If our calculations are correct, you will feel virtually nothing, but please tell us if you do."

The dozens of screens on all sides of the room began to pulse more quickly, pregnantly. The three doctors, I had noticed, stood well back and put on black sunglasses. Not exactly Oakley, but their intent was clear - this was dangerous shit. I decided to relax and trust these people. After all, it was obvious that they needed me more than I needed them, and to bring me all the way here showed an incredible curiosity. It was unlikely, I reasoned, that they would nuke me on my first day.

A violent storm of lights began above my head. Purple clouds gathered, mingled, flew apart, generating sparks of intense blue light. One by one, the row of screens lit up in a furious display of colours, and the subsided, allowing its neighbour to dominate. After a few minutes, each of the screens had come alive twice, and were then silent. Carpash was the first to step forward, removing his shades.

"How do you feel?" He was ready with his lectern for my answer.

I looked around, sent mental signals to all extremities. All reported in. "Fine", I answered. "I've probably just been pan-fried, but I didn't feel a thing. What the hell were those things?"

Carpash looked slightly relieved, and tapped enthusiastically at his lectern while Velis explained.

"Invasive surgery, such as that which we can see you received, has been banned here for a number of centuries. We faced many of the problems of our own race - diseases, inflammations, debilitating conditions, mental disorders. Then, we discovered that most of these occur because of weaknesses or disability in the immune system. In this respect, we are very similar species. We produce cells which seek out and destroy foreign, contaminant bodies, and they have become very adept."

Carpash continued as Velis went to work on the results, which were streaming forth from a port on the edge of the screens in a brown cloud of information. This was received by a lectern, which hummed with activity.

"Instead", he explained, "we rely on these machines". He proudly extended a hand and gestured at the array of screens. "These produce a huge variety of wavelengths of radiation, from those which produce sound and colour, to much more refined types which can actually influence the production of fluids and other material within the body. I understand that you have already experienced greatly increased semen production as a result of a similar, hand-held device."

I chuckled at the memory. "Er, yeah. That was kind of cool."

Carpash chuckled, but I felt he hadn't understood, as though he was humouring me. "So, you know that health and longevity are simply a matter of regulating production of these fluids, and then working to combat errors in cell division." I nodded and explained that I knew that cancer formed in this way.

We discussed anatomy. The results were clear and Velis was compiling what looked like an impressive, multi-media report on the state of my body. "Doctor, are you ready with the Executive Summary"? Christ, I thought, that was fast.

Velis removed the lectern from its receiving position near the screens, and they began to fold away seamlessly, back into the walls. "Yes, Professor. The results are very interesting. I will begin now, if I may".

The counter on which I was comfortably lying began to move, and propped me gently into an upright position. Falik came over and offered me a glass of water, smiling cutely. I really hoped I would get the chance to fuck her senseless later on. She had perhaps the best body of them all.

"First, you must understand both that we have a limited knowledge of the basic anatomy of your species, and that we approach this from a very scientific perspective. I hope that our terminologies don't offend you". I smiled and gave her an encouraging nod. I'm a tough lad, I thought to myself.

"Yes, indeed you are." I started.

Velis' hand flew to her mouth in panic. "I... I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to... I wasn't aware that you had not yet been trained in our attitude to telepathy... Professor, how can I apologise?" She was incredibly flustered.

Carpash put a calming hand on his colleague's shoulder and looked her straight in the eye with a kindly expression, obviously communicating something to her. Her panic was quickly gone and she smiled. "I am relieved to find you are not offended, and at least have some experience in these matters." She must have been referring to the three luscious science ministry girls, I reasoned.

"Not a problem". Carpash was anxious to explain more.

"I am a gifted empath. Although my colleague was not aware that this had not caused offence, I was. As a team, we are particularly effective".

I wondered quite what he meant by that, and the broad smile which accompanied it, while Velis gathered herself and pushed on.

"Your general physical condition appears to be excellent. There are few areas of concern which we will address shortly. Your heart is in good health, although there is a degree of arterial blockage caused by the tar from commercial smoking materials. Liver functions are at 96% normalcy, a decrease attributable to the metabolism of large quantities of alcohol. The scillia in your lungs and oesophagus have begun to regrow but will need several more months to reach normal length and effectiveness. And you have a malignant, cancerous region in your stomach. Other than that, you are in excellent health".

Malignant, cancerous region.

She had said it so quickly, in so off-hand a way, like "oh, you missed the bus, but there's another one in five minutes". Casual, routine, like it was nothing. But it wasn't.

"I have fucking stomach cancer!?" I blurted loudly. The three medics shuddered in unison.

Carpash came straight forward and took my shoulders firmly in both hands. "If you will forgive me, Sir, don't be a bloody fool. You think that a race like ours, with the technology we have developed, can't handle a few cancerous cells? This will be as simple as cutting your toenails. Perhaps simpler, because no-one will even have to touch you to right this problem. You will not believe how routine such things are for us, particularly as we know this disease carries off millions of your fellow humans each decade. Please... relax." His grip softened and my heart rate began to drop back to normal.

"Sorry, Doctors. Let me rephrase. So, my arteries are a bit blocked, my liver could use a vacation and I have a pretty mundane stomach tumor. Anything else I need to worry about?"

They smiled at my more relaxed state. "Thank you. We are very used to dealing with subjects who take the dimmest possible view of results such as those, interpreting our findings as a portent of doom. I assure you this is not the case. And, to answer your question, yes. Your bones are showing signs of early-onset arthritis and we are concerned about the pre-disposition in your genetic make-up for several mental disorders, including alcoholism, addictive behaviour, Parkinson's disease, depression and anxiety." Carpash read down the list. "Your eyes are suffering from a disorder which you would characterise as requiring one dioptre of correction. Three of your toes are mildly deformed - I can only assume that this stems from inappropriate footwear very early in life. You have a number of scars, the most obvious relating to your quite recent appendectomy. The inside of your left index finger shows tar discolouration, from your smoking habit."

Christ.

He continued. "You are approximately three kilograms overweight for a human of your size and build. There are a large number of dead follicle areas above your forehead, where your fringe has risen. Your lower back shows signs of easily-treatable spondalosis. You have three diseases you will never know about, which are in your gut and may never have any effect on you, but you don't need them."

I grinned at him. "Anything else?"

He checked the results once more. "Yes, I think you have what you call 'athlete's foot'. And you could usefully evacuate your bowels."

I stared at him. I was getting used to doing that. "I need a shit?"

Deadpan. "Yes."

I roared with laughter so loudly that a doctor from the neighbouring facility popped her head around the door to make sure her colleagues weren't torturing me. She rolled her eyes with a facial expression that said, 'huh, aliens!' and left.

Carpash continued to type animatedly into his lectern. There must be a small book full of information on my cancerous, diseased, blocked-up system on there by now. "I wonder if I can see some of that?" I asked, nodding to his fingers as they swirled and tapped among the characters and symbols on the screen.

"Certainly", he said kindly, swinging the lectern around. The most impenetrable jumble of information, almost all of it in languages I couldn't begin to understand, had filled the screen.

"Alright, I give up. What the hell does all that mean?" Carpash smiled once more. For people who claimed to lack emotional responses, they were effusively polite and empathetic. They just couldn't fall in love or become truly sad. What a loss.

He motioned, somewhat distracted, at a block of colourful triangular and cylindrical symbols in the upper right portion of the screen. They were connected by varying patterns which appeared to show flow of something, perhaps blood or electrical activity, from one unit to the other. "These represent your basic organic systems. These lines generate thought patterns in the mind of the reader which communicate very exactly the rate and function of the exchange. In this example", he added, tapping one of the red cylinders, "your heart function is described in some detail, without the need for a lengthy essay."

Each tap on the lectern brought us to a new level of detail until a pictographic analysis of my entire heart, every cell, was brought to life on the screen. "The emphasis is functional", he continued. "Our interest is, of course, both in the biological and the psychological realms, but we increasingly find a strong correlation between the two. Your state of mind will influence your heart muscles. We find this extremely interesting. This is an important respect in which our two species differ".

I continued to look closely at the mass of information on the screen. "You mean that your hearts don't accelerate when you're excited?"

Carpash shook his head steadily. "No", he said simply.

I thought back over my encounters with the three ministry girls, and the gorgeous Falik, who had been creating a masterpiece of mind-mapping on her own lectern in the corner. The level of detail on her screen was, if anything, even greater than this one. "But", I began, "surely during moments of excitement, of... heightened pleasure, for example, your heart rates must sky-rocket, just like mine?"

He shook his head again. "A simulated response", was his only reply.

So, when I had given those lovely girls all their orgasms, and shot torrents of sperm inside them, all I was witnessing was a robotic action, a computer-enhanced version of some truly boring people? Surely not. They couldn't be as technologically advanced as this, and yet lack the basics of an emotional system?

But they were finishing before I had the chance to ask. "We will require several hours of study in order to formulate results useful to us both. I suggest that we break for the day and reconvene here in the labs tomorrow, if that would suit you?"

I nodded and both Carpash and Velis packed up their lecterns and, with a polite shake of my hand and more kind smiles, left. Falik wrapped up her own essay, which must have been mind-blowingly complex, and approached me.

"Did any of that cause you discomfort?" she asked mildly, her hand on my arm.

I smiled. She was unbelievably cute. "Well, today was the day I found out that I had cancer. And that it can be cured in a snap. You people really are something".

Falik shut down her lectern and brushed her hair with an amazing device which resembled the metal detector wand used at airports. Without coming within a foot of her hair, the wand managed to brush it all through until it was smooth and shining. "I will finish work now. You are welcome to join us".

My curiosity peaked instantly. "Join you? What does one do on this planet for fun?"

Her face fell slightly. "As you've been learning, we have a concept of fun which is very different from your own. However, we have long since predicted the day when a technology or philosophy would arrive to provide us with this ability, and have spent decades designing festivals, performances and other events with which to experiment once this ability arrives. Think of it as advanced practice, like a dress rehearsal for the main event. How would we know, for example, what wonderful sex would feel like, without the experience of sex under our current hormonal conditions?"

I pondered this, but I didn't have long. Falik was quickly on her knees in front of me, her eyes raised in a beautifully supplicant, appealing way. No telepathy required. I brought out my penis and she admired it for a second before opening her mouth and sliding it deep inside.

Marvelling at the enthusiasm and skill of her probing, soothing tongue, I let her do as she wanted. Below, her hand had entered her white gown and she was clearly enjoying herself. Her face flushed with as much pleasure as her limited, embryonic hormonal system allowed. No such limitations for me. Within moments, encouraged by her consistent suckling of my glans and steady, rhythmical pumping of her hand on my shaft, I threw my head back and simply let myself go.

***

I learned much on the way over. The city's name was Takanli and it was one of many such places on this massive planet which, I also learned, was four times the size of the earth and almost entirely covered with massive continents. The ramifications of this were enormous, particularly for weather, but with technology like theirs, the inhabitants had long-since tamed dust storms and other dangers, just as they had tamed disease and death. Falik was in the middle of finishing another wonderful blowjob as we came into land. As the thrusters eased and landing struts locked into place, I emptied another gallon of cum down her throat.

Many of the city's open spaces, and they were many, were dedicated to evening performances. There was almost a perverse interest in The Preparation, as they called it - the sequence of events which would ready this massive populace for the day when they might actually have some fun. Or, might actually get seriously depressed about how long they'd spent not having fun. I felt sure a team of dedicated psychologists were addressing that question as we spoke.

The main park area, which was the size of Delaware, was filled with the largest throng of living beings I'd ever seen. Even Falik was impressed. "Three million people come here most nights, although ten million live in the immediate vicinity." The numbers blew my mind while she finished blowing my cock. A gentle suck to clean me off, and a quick cuddle before we disembarked amid a flurry of landing and departing vehicles of all shapes and sizes. The transport system was of a magnitude I'd never thought possible. And never a traffic jam in sight.

We followed several tens of thousands of people through a large exit door in the terminal and flooded into the green, spacious park. Dotted throughout this massive area were trees nearly a mile tall and five thousand years old. Their branches grew so complex that entire communities were living up there, half a million people in this park alone, living what Falik called the 'feral' lifestyle, growing their own food and engaging in barter economics. Babies were born, art was created, books were written, entirely in buildings shackled to massive, ancient branches. At the base of each tree was an electromagnetic elevator - damaging the tree with cables would have been unthinkable. Indeed, large shrines and monasteries were arrayed around the base, filled with people praying to the tree, bringing it offerings of food and water, kissing the bark. The medicinal properties of some barks and saps encouraged buying and selling, with colossal sums of cash changing hands, carefully controlled by the authorities.

But the main event this evening was a performance on a stage in the centre of the park. Falik had arranged some kind of VIP pass and we were whisked past the long, snaking queues to a special entrance, where a brief security search by some sexy, leather-clad officers of the law gave the female cops a great chance to grab my ass.

"Falik?" I asked loudly above the din as we filtered into a massive glass enclosure near the main stage. She turned and I asked, "why does everyone here find me so interesting?" She laughed.

"You're exotic! We've never seen anything quite like you. People know already that you know all about providing pleasure, and we've never had anyone like that visit us before." We pushed through the throng to a row of front-row seats made from some odd kind of plastic which moulded itself to your body, then kept you firmly in place. The levels of comfort these people had achieved were astounding.

"But I'm just a normal guy, right?" I called. She had somehow found two glasses and handed me one.

"Wrong! The whole Net has seen your encounters with the Science Ministry girls. Your blowjob episode in the vehicle on the way to the labs is the most popular download today! People love you!" I laughed myself silly and then took a look around.

The scale of virtually everything beggared description and I felt that my eyes would shortly pop right out of my head. The stage, if it could be called that, was a massive white platform like an Ipod on its back, adorned by 500 yard tall poles, each of which flying a flag with symbols so complex I couldn't begin to guess their meaning. There was what seemed at first glance to be a pretty conventional orchestra set up, perhaps 200 people altogether, but their instruments were like watching the LSO on LSD. Seventy or so played a kind of electronic dulcimer performed using the hairs on one's forearms. This took the place of the conventional violin and led the ensemble. There seemed to be a wind section, but with eight bells, a startling array of buttons and a mouthpiece so large it required three players blowing through funnels, I expected a serious amount of noise. "Drink up!", Falik shouted.