All Comments on 'Fifth Place'

Great story. Extremely well written. One of the top Literotica authors.

An excellent. well written and thought out tale. A little too cuck friendly for my taste but that doesn't matter. The imagination of the writer and the preposterous situation made this a great read.

Five Stars

I enjoyed the story line & it was well written, but, I really struggled to concentrate through the early stages of his relationship with Karen. I found it difficult to understand your line of thought & even harder to follow your writing during this part of the tale. Compared to the rest of the story it seemed clouded & uneven. Perhaps it was just me so I'll read it again in a few days time to see what I find then. Good work.

4****

Betty claimed to have believed Randy was sterile from the radiation.

So why did she avoid sex with him when she was working on getting pregnant ?

A woman cuckolding a fertile man would do that to make sure that her lover was the father.

But if he is sterile why bother ?

Avoiding sex during the fertile part of her cycle was the clue that gave her away.

Did she already feel that much contempt for him that she wanted him to know from the first child ?

My own personal taste is that so much betrayal would make an angel,or failing that a very weak cuckold who wouldn't take some revenge.

That part makes me uneasy.

Rap said no sex, The first few pages were simmering with unstated sexual tension and passion. Great writing. 5 stars

And the dialogue between Randy and Karen. I just can't understand how a guy that smart, especially with his background in the FBI, failed so epically in protecting his marriage with Betty.

This is the second time I've read it. And...I've actually thought of this story quite a bit over the four years I've been here. But this is only the second time I've read it.

You don't need to be Karen to understand that. It's wonderfully well written, thoughtful, insightful of the human condition, has interesting literary references, was well edited...

and I still don't like it much. Jealousy? Is it as basic as that? I like it slightly better than the first time, but like the first time, it just seemed to drag. I appreciated all this in depth analysis as clever, but not as engaging if that means anything.

This earned it's score. My...not dislike...indifference for the story is purely personal and not a reflection on the high quality of the work. It is a stylistic difference.

thank you for a lovely story

You're technically a very good writer with the ability to come up with unusual plots. I found this very moving in parts but also boring, stilted & strange in other places. I'm still confused exactly how I feel about this tale & think I need to come back to it again in the future to perhaps re evaluate it. 3 ***

A very good story, dense, but good. A little too long with some repetitions.

Very good story. Your writing was a little demanding at times, but that too held my interest. The plot itself was a stretch in many ways, but it all kind of worked. The only trouble I have with it is the lack of release. When there is so much betrayal, so much wrong, so much damage there is way too much stress. There was no release for this stress. He just sucked it up like a cuckold sucks a used pussy. The kids? Well that is a good excuse, but not really good enough. Too many women hide behind their kids. Nope.

What great writing style, vocabulary, and grammar/punctuation! I saw one "I" vs. "me" error, but not much else. I know Randy and Karen were both brilliant and had excellent social skills, but their banter, at times, was just too over the top. I often imagined Karen playing some Kate Hepburn or Roz Russell role. The author could have paid a bit more attention to the timelines. Randy's time at the FBI had to be the most minimal; else, he could not be at the age and experience-level he was when the story started. Karen was only 28 when he met her. Really? Betty was 41 at the end of the story. (I would have believed 43.)

I did not understand how they got from eating Chinese at his office to their second night of dancing. (Did I skip a paragraph?) And how did the gigantic training course project start?

For an ex FBI Agent he is such a wimp. Even after knowing about her betrayal he was still holding on to the slut of a wife who produced children that were not from his own seed. He went through elaborate pretence and great expense to avoid a scandal to be with another women whom he sought and genuinely loved. 

All for what purpose or for whose benefit? 

Perhaps he was more afraid of the truth than hurt by his wife's infidelity?

Can't understand the author's rational to keep this story going for 7 pages....

I agree with kdcee78: okay with 3 stars. But what a different fare!

And analmousie, it is a pity that you lack the intellectual capacity to understand the concept of fiction. Such as in imaginary?

Made-up? Creative fabrication? Artistic expression? Invented inspiration? Any of these terms getting through that Australopithecus sized skull of yours?

You pathetic creatures, just need to stop watching Fox News. They really are damaging to whatever limited mental capacity you have left.

As opposed to watching MSNBC which proves you have no mental capacity to start with...

.....story,utilising the very BEST that our Language can offer,which truly made this an absolutely TOP story.

Thank you for penning such an one.

I wish I was smart enough to write this! Excellent story.

But the stew ended up great.

Thanks.

Guess that means one of them fathered two of them. How is it that Randy never asked her how often she whored herself out and how many other men were involved in her whoring? Was he afraid to find out how much of a fool she had really made of him? And the "punishment" Randy inflicted on those two men? Seriously! They got off with a slap on the wrist! Randy was every bit the wimp his wife pegged him to be. Pathetic, just pathetic.

....into your work, and it was quite lovely! Like Karen, I felt from the get-go that Randy's wife had to have done something truly ugly to warrant his antipathy. The truth of the matter did not disappoint!

The Randy-Karen love story was simply wonderful, and I'm looking forward to dipping into your work again and again as time goes by.

Wish I could give this 100 stars!

Thoroughly enjoyable - I particularly like their bantering - it gave me more than a few chuckles.

A question though - maybe tongue in cheek

"Shouldn't it have been Mommy Too?"

Cant believe it took me so long to find it (face palm).

A delightful story.

The only problem i had with it is the husband finding out what Betty had done when she got pregnant with the second kid. He should have just divorced the deranged bitch immediately. Harry was only a toddler at that point and would have had no memory of him, so staying "for the sake of the kids" is a flimsy excuse... Especially as none of them were his.

I liked the "living well is the best revenge" against Betty, especially as it looked like she was going to end up a sad old cat lady.

if any author on here could make a living writing fiction, it's the author of this story.

As I read the first part I was feeling that Randy and Karen were intellectual snobs (we're so much smarter than others we don't relate well to them, janitors are not significant people). I never shook that feeling, reinforced by the high brow language, so was never able to really get into the story. Maybe it's my problem. I'm not convinced that, in the sense of cosmic meaning or personal happiness, that Einstein is better than a janitor or garbage collector. Each have roles to play and should not look down on the other

Unsure enough to not give it a rating.

Paul in Oklahoma

P.S. Am I just an uneducated guy whining? Well, I do have 8 years of formal education past high school.

Fascinating story, but in ch. 13 I got confused who was who and when things were going on.

As good and complete story as I have seen in LW. Also, one of the most unusual. Not a BTB, but not really a RAAC. I'm not smart enough to analyze it, but I am smart enough to enjoy it.

Well put-together story, and a different take on the LW genre. Romance may have been more appropriate, but then I probably never would have seen it, so good choice!

It took a couple of pages to figure out where it was going, and we didn't figure out why he is so intent on getting away from Betty until 2/3 of the way into the story. If made it all sort of confusing. Although I liked the story I could only give it 4 Stars for those reasons. Thanks.

Okay, so for some reason I never read this before. Regarding Betty and Karen's comment. I do agree an epiphany happens but it never happens in a vacuum. There must be information understood and realized before it occurs. Betty is most certainly a narcissist, it was laid out plain as day. No one who is well adjusted with an empathetic personality is just going to decide to cuckold their husband and trick him to raise 3 children. One simply cannot engage in that level of abusive behavior and retain any respect or compassion for the victim of their treachery. That doesn't mean that Betty would never come to understand the ramifications of her actions but in one conversation? That would NEVER happen. It ruined the realism of the story and thoroughly disappointed me. It is such an intelligent and well conceived story that it seems incredulous that you made that error. I would love to discuss it with you because this story is simply so intelligent. Oh well, I had to kill my original account because I was harassed too much. -starsong1977

I liked it. A bit lengthy at times. Nice twist but the plot basic is so-so : too many LW stories are based on the fact that spouses don't communicate which is too far from the real world for me.

Very nicely written - nice flow and character development. The sickness was a good touch! ***** stars!

Burning Love

Exceptionally well written and plotted. Very intelligently conceived, and truly enjoyable to read. This story had the effect of moving the other stories on this site from 95% dreck to 97% dreck.

One of the best I have read here. Thanks for your efforts.

Intelligent, well constructed and well presented. A pleasure to read.

One of the most cerebral and serendipitous narratives I've ever read on Literotico.

Viciously, I felt their pain.

There are times in your story that the dialogue is just brilliant. Well done! Five from me.

Best revenge is a life well lived. Great story

Again. Story sands up to my initial assessment. This is a truly great story.

Too long imho

10 stars…

Realistic , while maintaining imagination.

Balanced

Debatable characters…. ( which is a quality I look for )

This should be mandatory texbook reading for anyone interested in writing for this site…

Out of the hundreds of stories I’ve read on this site, this is a top ten story.