All Comments on 'Fifth Place'

10 stars…

Realistic , while maintaining imagination.

Balanced

Debatable characters…. ( which is a quality I look for )

This should be mandatory texbook reading for anyone interested in writing for this site…

Out of the hundreds of stories I’ve read on this site, this is a top ten story.

Too long imho

Again. Story sands up to my initial assessment. This is a truly great story.

Best revenge is a life well lived. Great story

There are times in your story that the dialogue is just brilliant. Well done! Five from me.

One of the most cerebral and serendipitous narratives I've ever read on Literotico.

Viciously, I felt their pain.

Intelligent, well constructed and well presented. A pleasure to read.

One of the best I have read here. Thanks for your efforts.

Exceptionally well written and plotted. Very intelligently conceived, and truly enjoyable to read. This story had the effect of moving the other stories on this site from 95% dreck to 97% dreck.

Very nicely written - nice flow and character development. The sickness was a good touch! ***** stars!

Burning Love

I liked it. A bit lengthy at times. Nice twist but the plot basic is so-so : too many LW stories are based on the fact that spouses don't communicate which is too far from the real world for me.

Okay, so for some reason I never read this before. Regarding Betty and Karen's comment. I do agree an epiphany happens but it never happens in a vacuum. There must be information understood and realized before it occurs. Betty is most certainly a narcissist, it was laid out plain as day. No one who is well adjusted with an empathetic personality is just going to decide to cuckold their husband and trick him to raise 3 children. One simply cannot engage in that level of abusive behavior and retain any respect or compassion for the victim of their treachery. That doesn't mean that Betty would never come to understand the ramifications of her actions but in one conversation? That would NEVER happen. It ruined the realism of the story and thoroughly disappointed me. It is such an intelligent and well conceived story that it seems incredulous that you made that error. I would love to discuss it with you because this story is simply so intelligent. Oh well, I had to kill my original account because I was harassed too much. -starsong1977

It took a couple of pages to figure out where it was going, and we didn't figure out why he is so intent on getting away from Betty until 2/3 of the way into the story. If made it all sort of confusing. Although I liked the story I could only give it 4 Stars for those reasons. Thanks.

Well put-together story, and a different take on the LW genre. Romance may have been more appropriate, but then I probably never would have seen it, so good choice!

As good and complete story as I have seen in LW. Also, one of the most unusual. Not a BTB, but not really a RAAC. I'm not smart enough to analyze it, but I am smart enough to enjoy it.

Fascinating story, but in ch. 13 I got confused who was who and when things were going on.

As I read the first part I was feeling that Randy and Karen were intellectual snobs (we're so much smarter than others we don't relate well to them, janitors are not significant people). I never shook that feeling, reinforced by the high brow language, so was never able to really get into the story. Maybe it's my problem. I'm not convinced that, in the sense of cosmic meaning or personal happiness, that Einstein is better than a janitor or garbage collector. Each have roles to play and should not look down on the other

Unsure enough to not give it a rating.

Paul in Oklahoma

P.S. Am I just an uneducated guy whining? Well, I do have 8 years of formal education past high school.

if any author on here could make a living writing fiction, it's the author of this story.

A delightful story.

The only problem i had with it is the husband finding out what Betty had done when she got pregnant with the second kid. He should have just divorced the deranged bitch immediately. Harry was only a toddler at that point and would have had no memory of him, so staying "for the sake of the kids" is a flimsy excuse... Especially as none of them were his.

I liked the "living well is the best revenge" against Betty, especially as it looked like she was going to end up a sad old cat lady.

Cant believe it took me so long to find it (face palm).

Thoroughly enjoyable - I particularly like their bantering - it gave me more than a few chuckles.

A question though - maybe tongue in cheek

"Shouldn't it have been Mommy Too?"

....into your work, and it was quite lovely! Like Karen, I felt from the get-go that Randy's wife had to have done something truly ugly to warrant his antipathy. The truth of the matter did not disappoint!

The Randy-Karen love story was simply wonderful, and I'm looking forward to dipping into your work again and again as time goes by.

Wish I could give this 100 stars!

Guess that means one of them fathered two of them. How is it that Randy never asked her how often she whored herself out and how many other men were involved in her whoring? Was he afraid to find out how much of a fool she had really made of him? And the "punishment" Randy inflicted on those two men? Seriously! They got off with a slap on the wrist! Randy was every bit the wimp his wife pegged him to be. Pathetic, just pathetic.

But the stew ended up great.

Thanks.

I wish I was smart enough to write this! Excellent story.

.....story,utilising the very BEST that our Language can offer,which truly made this an absolutely TOP story.

Thank you for penning such an one.

As opposed to watching MSNBC which proves you have no mental capacity to start with...

And analmousie, it is a pity that you lack the intellectual capacity to understand the concept of fiction. Such as in imaginary?

Made-up? Creative fabrication? Artistic expression? Invented inspiration? Any of these terms getting through that Australopithecus sized skull of yours?

You pathetic creatures, just need to stop watching Fox News. They really are damaging to whatever limited mental capacity you have left.

For an ex FBI Agent he is such a wimp. Even after knowing about her betrayal he was still holding on to the slut of a wife who produced children that were not from his own seed. He went through elaborate pretence and great expense to avoid a scandal to be with another women whom he sought and genuinely loved. 

All for what purpose or for whose benefit? 

Perhaps he was more afraid of the truth than hurt by his wife's infidelity?

Can't understand the author's rational to keep this story going for 7 pages....

I agree with kdcee78: okay with 3 stars. But what a different fare!

What great writing style, vocabulary, and grammar/punctuation! I saw one "I" vs. "me" error, but not much else. I know Randy and Karen were both brilliant and had excellent social skills, but their banter, at times, was just too over the top. I often imagined Karen playing some Kate Hepburn or Roz Russell role. The author could have paid a bit more attention to the timelines. Randy's time at the FBI had to be the most minimal; else, he could not be at the age and experience-level he was when the story started. Karen was only 28 when he met her. Really? Betty was 41 at the end of the story. (I would have believed 43.)

I did not understand how they got from eating Chinese at his office to their second night of dancing. (Did I skip a paragraph?) And how did the gigantic training course project start?

Very good story. Your writing was a little demanding at times, but that too held my interest. The plot itself was a stretch in many ways, but it all kind of worked. The only trouble I have with it is the lack of release. When there is so much betrayal, so much wrong, so much damage there is way too much stress. There was no release for this stress. He just sucked it up like a cuckold sucks a used pussy. The kids? Well that is a good excuse, but not really good enough. Too many women hide behind their kids. Nope.

A very good story, dense, but good. A little too long with some repetitions.

You're technically a very good writer with the ability to come up with unusual plots. I found this very moving in parts but also boring, stilted & strange in other places. I'm still confused exactly how I feel about this tale & think I need to come back to it again in the future to perhaps re evaluate it. 3 ***

thank you for a lovely story

This is the second time I've read it. And...I've actually thought of this story quite a bit over the four years I've been here. But this is only the second time I've read it.

You don't need to be Karen to understand that. It's wonderfully well written, thoughtful, insightful of the human condition, has interesting literary references, was well edited...

and I still don't like it much. Jealousy? Is it as basic as that? I like it slightly better than the first time, but like the first time, it just seemed to drag. I appreciated all this in depth analysis as clever, but not as engaging if that means anything.

This earned it's score. My...not dislike...indifference for the story is purely personal and not a reflection on the high quality of the work. It is a stylistic difference.

And the dialogue between Randy and Karen. I just can't understand how a guy that smart, especially with his background in the FBI, failed so epically in protecting his marriage with Betty.

Rap said no sex, The first few pages were simmering with unstated sexual tension and passion. Great writing. 5 stars

My own personal taste is that so much betrayal would make an angel,or failing that a very weak cuckold who wouldn't take some revenge.

That part makes me uneasy.

Betty claimed to have believed Randy was sterile from the radiation.

So why did she avoid sex with him when she was working on getting pregnant ?

A woman cuckolding a fertile man would do that to make sure that her lover was the father.

But if he is sterile why bother ?

Avoiding sex during the fertile part of her cycle was the clue that gave her away.

Did she already feel that much contempt for him that she wanted him to know from the first child ?

I enjoyed the story line & it was well written, but, I really struggled to concentrate through the early stages of his relationship with Karen. I found it difficult to understand your line of thought & even harder to follow your writing during this part of the tale. Compared to the rest of the story it seemed clouded & uneven. Perhaps it was just me so I'll read it again in a few days time to see what I find then. Good work.

4****

An excellent. well written and thought out tale. A little too cuck friendly for my taste but that doesn't matter. The imagination of the writer and the preposterous situation made this a great read.

Five Stars

Great story. Extremely well written. One of the top Literotica authors.

Great dialogue, interesting characters, well written. Wonderful!

With Rehnquist, DQ Steele, Slirpuff, Ohio, and SS06, there are a lot of best stories, but I may even promote this beyond the pantheon of the best into a new category emphasizing subtle, sophisticated, witty, insightful, and funny.

Even the climax deferring elision was well done and not gimmicky.

Truly enjoyed the story beyond certainly as much as I ever have. Well done. Thank you.

Turns phrases so often it's more phrase spinning. Technically proficient with entertaining dialogue. And poignant. And very thoughtful. Nicely, nicely done.

...I read this story,I marvel at the work the Author has put into it - of course I'm basing this on my own inability to even match it !!

The wording evokes many good emotions - and does the job superbly,without,resorting to vulgarity which tends to cheapen some stories.

Thank you for a really fine story.

amusing and very entertaining..... but didn't like the plot very much

damn it was a little cuckie but not in the end it wasn't. cuckie for staying with the kids and letting her fuck othr men but that "raw sewage" comment was great. but i don't believe for one second that the cheating fucking cunt would ever be reasonable in a divorce.

It's all in here-- justice, sweetness, warmth, love, laughter, and OMG, Karen's intelligence and wit have me loving her.

you fuckin disease.

I never said rpsuch couldn't write you fucking idiots. I said it's a willing cuckold story. Boo fucking whoo, if you didn't like my comments. Fuck anoncuck the stalker, faghater " the booty banddito". And any other cum out of a whore, pussy licking cuckold. I disagreed with lickdeesplit, I disagree with him 90 percent of the time, and it's his right to make comments just like I did. So for the rest of you jizz licking fags, that was for you faghater....Kiss my Ass! Oh and it's still a cuck story and it was a well written but a cuck story no less. ****

rpsuch, I want to say how impressed I am by this storyline. I will admit that the first chapter left me confused and unsure of where this tale was going. But the second chapter clearly and decisively explained your intentions about this story.

As for the squabbling perpetual adolescents that infest the commentaries. Well, from this bunch of overripe lemons, I have gathered fascinating data on infantile narcissism, obsessive homophobia{by deep in the closet homosexuals} and hysterical gynophobics from this motherlode of childish tantrums.

I want to thank the crabby purblind commentators for providing such an abundance of material for my dissertations that earned me one of the only two A's given by the instructor of my college psychology course in the last four years.

I almost fell out of my chair laughing at the "demonstrate the process after I punch you in the nuts" line. Very interesting piece on the concept-centered approach to teaching math. I have had a difficult time getting my students, collegues, and some parents to understand it. One thing, if you reached a conclusion about what "most" teachers want from that one incident then I suggest you take a stats course. A sample of 1 makes for very bad statisitcs.

Well written, good story, interesting characters, mystery and unfolding anwers, emotional connections. What more can the reader ask? Dan

fine story. one of the best. well written. good character development - plausable characters and situations - a good read for anyone. gave u a 5

you have these fags following you every where....I feel sorry for you dude. Your a cuck and the anon is just as much of one. LOL

is thinking - "How did I end up being a cuck" and "Now that I've admitted to being a cuck, what next?" The eternal questions only someone who admitted to being a cuck, like Huecuck for example, can answer from experience instead of speculation.

so you think you know what I'm thinking...........humm how about, your comments about me being huecuck means about as much as the shit that rolls down a monkeys ass. I may change my name to huecuck, but then you'd have to get account and from 90% of the pussy assed comment you anon make, it'll never happen.

Talented author and well written story. Illiterate jackwagons like hurdogg cannot recognize or appreciate how well this story was written. Technical and stylistic serendipity. Five Stars for Fifth Place.

Bickering comments brought this story to my attention, and I am glad! Clever dialogue, good poking around inside people's heads, an interesting scenario, a nice romance, a verbal castigation that sinks into its recipient's head... this was a hell of a story!

I won't have a cuck in my platoon because any guy that can't keep a woman is by definition a slacker and will run under fire BUT when it comes to knowing about cuckoldry those are the exact guys to ask because they know about one thing; being a cuck.

Dud, just because you and the husband in this story want to raise another man kids like their your's is your choice. I think he's a wimp and allways will because of the idea of them being your kids. Look at it how ever you want, but in the end the DNA says she's a slut and he's a moron. The thing I find funny is you look at the husband like he's this real man protecting his family, and I say what family. They aren't his kids. Look at it from a different angle. When a man can't have kids what happens? The same shit that happened in this story. His wife ran off and became a slut, had someone else's kids and blamed her husband for not getting her pregnant. But GOD forbid if she couldn't have kids. Then if he went out and got some other woman pregnant, Lickdeedick, you would be the first to claim he's a dog, he's not a man and the rest of the bogus crap that all the so called "real men" spout. It's one thing to come into a marriage and know that not your kids and you raise them anyway, your a stepdad and it's a great choice. But for your wife to get pregnant by another man while your married and then to show nothing but disrespect for your husband and he stays just because of the kids is a wimp and willing cuckold. I look at it my way and that works for me.

I have seen the effect, while I personally walked away. I deal with the broken men on a regular basis. I help the husbands deal with coming from a war zone only to find out they have a cheating or pregnant wife. Some stay and I back them up just as if they had a faithful wife. And the rest I help send the wife home back to her family or in other cases just away from the husband. Alot of people do thing I'm harsh but in the end no matter how you look at it. The kids aren't his, she/he is a cheater and life goes on. Just so you know, my version of a wimp is any man that doesn't stand up and face the truth that is in front of him. Being a man doesn't mean being a fool for a woman, and just because they aren't his kids, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love them. And reguardless of what you may think, staying married because of the kids still doesn't make you their father, just like the kids having your DNA doesnt' makes you their dad. And someday the rest you'll figure out.

Easily in the top five LW stories on LIT. I cannot buy HueDogg's description of a wimp. He is a cuckold by definition, but he is not a instigator-cuck, nor a participant-cuck, nor even a willing-cuck. He is not even a tolerant-cuck. He IS a reluctant-cuck who sees no way out of a situation not-of-his-own-making that AVOIDS creating a bad problem for one (later three) children he has come to love and want to see flourish. I cannot accept that as qualifying for wimpdom.

This is a fantasy but such an enjoyable one. It takes a lot of conscious awareness to come up with such indepth characterizations, such verbal byplay, such sense of human pathos...something like that...I thoruoughly enjoyed this. Thank you for taking the time to create such a wonderful little world...

The emotions portrayed of all three main characters,the depth and clarity - made this story a real joy to read - thank you.

a good read - well developed story line - i think some people for get this is fiction and fun. loved the getting married dialog with the nurse asking for insurnace. sorry you dont write here anymore. gave you a 5 anyway.

Does someone consider this guy a "wimp"?

I just finished reading this for the fourth time and discovered that I have commented on it. I believe that it would be worth going back to RPSuch's own comments on the story where he sets out his goal when initiated writing this.

He achieved his objective!

...As sad as it is, the commentaries that dislike this story are devoid of Humanity, and the fact that Humans make mistakes, and that, in order to remain Human, one must be able to forgive one's self and others...I think that it is likely that his first wife may have had more than 'making a baby' in her mind when she went astray, and it is a little surprising that it took multiple children before he got the clues together, but, overall, a good story.

As for the critics, well, you will waste your time and piss off the pig; but that's ok too.

this way you have room for improvement. TK U MLJ LV NV

You tell us tales od entrepreneurs, self-made billionairs, near-James Bond spies. When in the end it comes out that your protagonists are simply stupid pathetic wimp cuckolds.

Whats all that bullshit about his searching for a replacement family ? Should we be impressed with his elaborated revenge ? Should we be thinking "wow, he is so cool, he can't be a stupid wimp" ?

He didn't have the balls to do what had to be done. End of story. He chose to go the way of the wimp and choose a miserable existence, lived in hatred and contempt, over confronting his cheating slutwife.

Everything else is just smoke up our asses. He is a pathetic loser and everything else is made up by you to make it seem like he accomplished something in live which he never would. Wimps don't get to be super-spy.entrepreneuers. End of Story.

It was an excellent story, about a willing cuckold. You couldn't call him anything else. He knew the kids weren't his and stayed to raise them anyway. He knew she was fucking another man and said nothing. So what else would you call a man that does that, a willing cuckold. He might have not be a true one but he is one and lived with all the lies and mistreatment by his wife. She thought he was a loser and he was. Why would anyone that calls himself a man stay and raise another man's children when he could have left and had his own. Love for the kids doesn't mean be a door mat. 4*

Mmmmmmm different (not in a good way )

I don't know what comment or comments to make about this story other than it is unlike any I have read. I suppose the closest would be the movie "The Remarkable Mr. Pennypacker."

An excellent execution of a well designed plot and storyline -

I was not (as I have been by some "emotion filled" stories) as impacted by the sections of this story that are the tear jerker parts. I am not sure why not though they were as intense and the impact was deep - I think I fell into his character and read with a more stoic approach that seemed heh righter here.

Karen is a miraculous find!

This story, like so many others, makes it much easier for the hero to live well because he can afford it - most of us can't - ah well.

...but at times it was a bit of a tear-jerker...

Really enjoyable,so Thank You.

...any chance of more like this ?? Please ??

This is a very well crafted story. I like the intellectual dialogue, the interplay between the characters, the well thought out revenge on the sperm donors, etc. I really liked the insight into the roll of dancing in developing romantic relationships. I also liked the insight when Karen attempted to withdraw to figure things out. Kudos and well done rpsuch. Keep writing!

I liked it. Everything worked out well with the characters, and whats wrong with that? Your protaganist moved on and had his own biological children as well as those he helped daddy.

I can see why some of the less educated readers would be frustrated. I am not all that educated, but do have college level reading skills and have done many hundreds of crossword puzzles. So...I did follow you most of the time.

I have to agree you do well with your dialogue with your highly intelligent characters. That is what makes your stories so different from others.

If the nerd in your continuing long story gets any smarter we will need him and Ashley to solve all the problems in the World, especially here in America. Especially with Ashley's growing ability to convince people to see things better and more realistically. No ignorant rednecks in your stories! The closest was Betty in the two. Even Harry was impressed!

Didn't deserve more than a 2 star rating, and that was pushing it some.

I'm going through the all time list under loving wives and can't see how this story isn't in the top 25! I agree with another comment that the turn around in Betty happened a bit quick but other then that this was one of the most well constructed stories I've ever read. The plot flowed with very few of the outlandish errors many authors make. I can't possibly describe how well the dialogue between these two intelligent people was crafted. Bravo! I'll be reading all your work and hope your still producing such great stories!

It doesn't deserve the accolade deigned by some readers.

This is just average to low level effort. Deserved and get 2 stars.

Going from a steel hearted cheating bitch to a sorrowful cooperative partner in the dissolution of her marriage was just too much.

I think it could have worked had you stretched out the time frame a few months, up to maybe three years. But in ONE confrontational conversation. Sorry.

The conflict from her betrayal and his moving on was very nice till you ruined it with the quick conversion of Betty from bitch to sweetheart.

It was great before. I enjoyed it even more this time. Nobody writes as well as you.

Okay maybe I am a little over the top here. Anyway, this is one of my favs. It's as thorough a story as I've read here - truly excellent. I think what I like best is that the characters and their characterizations are all so fully developed. Really well done.

I just thought that was an interesting coincidence...

http://www.literotica.com/top/Loving-Wives-12/

I've been rereading comments and thought I could inject some understanding about why I may have seemed heavy-handed early in the story and why it couldn't be short.

I had only one goal when I started the story. I wanted to see if I could present a character who wasn't particularly likable and rehabilitate him. That precluded a one-page story. His plan was crazy. Was it realistic? It depends on how you see realistic. My standard is the answer to could it happen. If the answer is, "Yeah, I guess it could, possibly," then it's realistic. Unfortunately, under that standard almost everything is realistic. I heard a report of a local case where the police found a woman shot twice in the head with the gun missing and called it a suicide. Could it happen? No. But it did. (A fisherman later hooked the gun and the police followed up effectively)

The story also got longer because it needed to. The challenge I set for myself was simple, but I couldn't stop without telling the story to a point of resolution.

The comments got me thinking and I'll probably discuss it at length on my website when I get the time.

I love this story, have reread it numerous times. It is one of my all-time favorites.

Your illumination on complicated subjects is admirable, though your approach feels heavy-handed in the first half (not offensively so; just that a more subtle and intricate approach could transform this type of writing into perfection). Also, your reasoning is sound (and it is true in most situations) about erotica/romance not being just physical acts--bumping uglies--but about the journey; yet, you overcompensate (at least in this story) by marginalizing much of the process, and that seriously hurts your storytelling. For example, review the first time they actually have sex: it takes less than three sentences and lends empathy to exactly no one (IMO, if you don't give an experience, then you aren't doing your job as a storyteller). There's almost certainly a happy median you're missing, especially for the important spots that could add meaning, such as first times. All in all, your tale was unexpected and welcomed; thanks for the depth and food for thought.

And very dark.

I married my second wife when I was 55 and now fifteen years later I have two kiddos in elementary school. Get real life begins when you begin it. The only real obstacle to kids is women's biological clocks. Men can it at least some cases still be having kids into their 80s. Love is where you find it and being in love and loving someone are very different things.

I read this when it first came out and then came back today and read it again. Reads just as well the second time, if not better. In termis of plot: very creative solution to a significant problem; very romantic story. Writing is very well paced. Good work RPS!

This appears to be a competently written story, in a technical sense, but I expected more, considering it is high on the list of "loving wife" stories. I have no idea what some people seem to enjoy about this. This is just a boring story with no emotional or erotic content. Whatever.

Absolutely riveting. I only had a minute to read…30 minutes later, and I never re-read sentences. So good, I read them again.

Great writing.

DD

...and a compelling read.

Rarely, if ever, has any story risen to these heights.

I loved it.Thank you.

Without that background it would still be a great and wonderful story, but the insights and phrasing are perfection. Thank you. I would rate it higher but it's not allowed.

... to dive into your story. Parallel I must always use an open dictionary-site. I must read any phrases two times until I would understand. The more I read the more I understand. I like your story and agree with other commentators that it is probably one of the best Literoticastories. Thank you for good entertainment and keep on writing.

<p><b>Nucleus</b></p>

Wonderful story, great read. I loved the prose, please keep

writing.

The story was so sweet and so good. The only change I would make is have Randy knock up Betty at the same time as Karen. Randy still performed his acting duties and Betty thinking she could not get pregnant, had unprotected sex. This added child would make Betty realize all the more the error of her ways...by raising one more child without a full time husband....and how much her ex-husband truly loved the other three. He would have "twins" the first time around by two different women.

What more is there to say, except..<BR>

Why didn't I comment on this before?

This story has it all. Well-written, good plot, witty dialog, unexpected twists, drama, and realism. No wimp in this story! Some might wonder why Betty (who should have been as smart as Randy) would pull something like getting pregnant with a "live sperm donor" rather than discussing the situation with her husband? There were more acceptable choices such as anonymous donor insemination, test-tube fertilization with the husband's sperm injected into her eggs, or even adoption. Getting pregnant via another man as the "live donor" is understandably something so awful that a truly "loving wife" would not do this to her spouse unless she disrespected him as noted in the story. Maybe it's sexist but no more so than women saying "He thinks with the little head rather than the big one" implying men let their penises do their thinking. My thought (sexist) is that there are certainly women who think with their ovaries when they have an overwhelming desire to get pregnant. My urologist friend who does vasectomy reversals once got a letter from a patient's wife stating she was canceling her husband's surgery because she was pregnant and the reversal was no longer needed. She read in a book that it was possible for a man's "tubes" to grow back together and she prayed and "God made it happen!" Either the husband figured it out but kept quiet, or he remained clueless and believed God really took care of the problem as his wife claimed. They had several other children before he had his vasectomy; he was getting the reversal because his wife changed her mind and wanted more children. Perhaps both the milkman and the plumber were named "God" when she said something like, "Oh God, I'm coming." Whatever.