How to Kinky-er and Get More

Yeah, I said it before, but it bears repeating: use common sense people! Some of this stuff fucking hurts and if done improperly can maim you for life, so study up, understand which of the kinks are safe and which are simply stupid. Presumably there are a lot of smart people reading here at Lit, but statistically there are also some pretty dumb asses also reading, so if I may borrow a joke that might have come from Jeff Foxworthy, "What are a redneck's last words? 'Hey watch this.'" Perhaps a corollary is appropriate here: "What are a dumb ass kinky person's last words? 'Hey, what's this feel like?'"

Honestly, some of the kinks are fun and harmless things, others are not and some are downright illegal or worse. So study up, pay attention and understand that for some of this stuff you probably should just read it and say to yourself, "Hey, that's some pretty silly shit man." And not, "Well, it looks dangerous and I might maim or kill myself, but I really wonder what this feels like."

Okay, enough of that common sense stuff. Keep in mind that, in most places, if you write about the kinks instead of actually practicing them you probably won't get hurt too bad. Now if you publish your stuff in your church gazette and use your real name, you might get yourself in trouble, so yeah, use a little common sense there too.

Queening is a more European practice where a dominant female, uses a man's head as her throne. She either sits on the side of his head with his nose near her anus or she sits so the male's eyes are covered by her pussy. The point here is not cunninglingus (fuck you spell check that is a word and it is spelled right), but more bondage and breath control. A somewhat similar practice in the US is in some strip clubs where a man sits at a chair with his head back as a dancer brings her pussy within inches of his face and then dances while the man is not allowed to touch her anywhere. You know, I don't remember this on that old TV game show, "Queen for a Day."

With another nod to the BDSM community, Rhabdophilia describes those who are aroused by being caned or flagellated. The caning is often combined with humiliation or fear in fantasy scenes. Usually in order to stimulate, the caning must be anticipated, threatening or administered as part of a scene with someone they are attracted to. Reference common sense here folks, I mean caning... like ouch. And even if you like ouch, do pay attention to what you are doing. Of course if it's in a story feel free to flail away.

Ah, now we are back to some good old, down home kink with Sacofricosis which is cutting a hole in your front pants pocket to allow access to the penis allowing for public masturbation. Like I always said, "Never shake hands with a smiling man with his hand in his pocket."

Perspiration... imagine a beautiful body with that incredible sheen just after a workout. A wonderful sight for Salirophilia or people aroused by tasting salty body fluids such as perspiration. At one time perspiration was thought to have magical qualities and I must admit, seeing some people glistening with it is certainly magical.

Here we go, the whole point about common sense was with this practice in mind. Scrotal Infusion also called ballooning or scrotal inflation is when a liquid (never air!!!!) is injected into the scrotal sac until it resembles a water balloon. Get this: men actually claim this doesn't hurt (I ain't gonna find out) and also claim that by the next morning the fluid will filter to the penis causing it to swell up like a beer can. Well, all I can say is, "This Bud's for you," because I am not going to even consider anything like this. Warning, read up on this practice, there is a lot more involved that just the minimum description I provide above.

Now, back to the more normal fun and games we have Siderodromophilia or those people aroused by trains. Couples will often reserve a cabin on a train and then have sex standing in front of the window while the train passes through the town. "Why look mommy isn't that grandma and grandpa on the train?" Other people will sneak quickies in bathrooms or corners. Who can forget that scene in "Risky Business?"

So there you have it, a lot of kink and a bit of common sense. It is best practice both together. Of course, those of us writing can balloon those scrotal sacs to our heart's desire. That is one time you don't want to hear the sound of "Pop!" Well, have fun and stay kinky and sensible.

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Bibliography:

1.) Fernbach, Amanda Fantasies of FETISHISM from Decadence to the Post-Human 2002 Rutgers University Press New Brunswick, NJ

2.) Love, Brenda Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices 1999 Greenwich Editions, London.