by istanbulnoir
So often erotic writers use the lowest, dirtiest possible language thinking that a roll in the gutter makes the story sexier. You avoided that mistake. Your story language was never prissy or dirty. It was perfection and resulted in a story delightfully more erotic than others I have read.
So.. This may be the story That you had more or less disowned.. But I can see why people like it. In an erotic sense, It certainly paints an interesting image, even if its not perfectly done.
In fact, I am interested In all of the characters.. If only because I Want to see them more often. Which is odd, because they are all oddly one sided.
Sept for the dark guy. Since he obviously showed interest in going and doing something before being interrupted.
The writer has a good story but requires him/her to learn about run on sentences as those are monotonous and are objectionable to the reader. The outcome of the story would have been a whole lot more satisfying to the narater and most importantly to the reader if she had found Maria at a later time and had a lesbian episode wirh her with a detailed description of their liaison. Come on people if you have a good story finish telling it and satisfy your readers. Don't leave them hanging. I am not an editor or an english composition expert but it seems that the vounteer editor should have pointed those things out to the writer.