by Mysticalvixxxen
Good premise.
Nice beginning. Good back story.
But the sex, whether solitary or together was rushed.
Presumably Steve didn't/wouldn't eat pussy, otherwise why wou;d she have been left hot and bothered after Steve came?
Needed a slower buildup to the pussy eating. He could have asked/told her to show him how he masturbated so he ciuld watch up close. And sell her arousal. He could have made her tell him ehat she was thinking about while masturbating. And what she normally thought about.
He could have asked her if she'd ever had her pussy kissed/licked/sucked? Would she like him to demonstrate?
Some typos too. Could use an editor/proofreader.
Four stars.
Well written, nice flow, and can't wait to hear the next chapter
That was hot from the beginning to the end. Cant wait for the continuation.
i can relate to this tale, hhmm good memory,,, thanks for reminding me!
i am soooo aroused right now,,dam,feels good.
i hope chapter 2 is forthcoming soon!! i am practically drooling with lust!
life and love the way it should be!
Congratulations on the award - Reader's Choice 2008!!
You ROCK, lady... : )
The kind of babysitting job EVERY girl dreams of! Great story... You've made me wet..very wet! I think now it's time to climb into bed with my hot lil 20 yr old lover! ;)
Mzz
So damn glad your're back after all this time. Please don't tarry too long befiore you give us chapter 2!
Rick
Amazingly well written and hot and sexy. Nice slow build to the money shot. I can hardly wait to stroke to the next chapter. You are seriously great. MORE PLEASE!!!!
The beginning of a beautiful story... the possibilities make the mind reel. Bravo and kudos - beautifully told, illustrated with enough detail to get you right there into the thick of things, yet subtle and open enough to all every reader to enjoy in his/her own intimate way... a feast of erotic delicacies.
Chapter Two can't arrive soon enough... :)