Birds & Bees

Literotica has members and readers from all over the world. Thousands and thousands of people, from different countries, with different laws and different cultures when it comes to sex. Some members live in places where a woman must remain a virgin until she gets married, others in places where you may have sex as early as at the age of 15. To avoid any problems with the law, Literotica has set a firm rule that everyone visiting or joining the site must be 18 years old, and all characters in stories must be 18 - at least if they they're involved in anything sexual. A story won't be disqualified for containing a sentence like "they left their kids with the babysitter and checked into a motel to rekindle their sex life."

In spite of a bit of whining now and then, most authors at Literotica respect the 18-years-old rule, and obey it.

But we all know that in Real Life, things are not like that. When kids hit puberty, they get curious. They want to know what it's like. They look in magazines, watch movies, and sometimes even visit racy websites. They get impressions and ideas from all these sources, and then they want to act them out with someone. Sometimes, they end up with diseases, broken hearts, shattered self confidence, or children of their own before they've finished school.

Unless we're psychopaths, we don't want this for our children. We want them to grow up and find True Love, and have healthy, loving, sexually sound relationships. We don't want our daughters to think that they HAVE to shave their crotch and agree to anal sex to save their relationships. We don't want our sons to think that they're doomed to be bad lovers just because they don't have 11" erections or the stamina to have sex 8 times in a row.

Being clever and mature adults, we sometimes forget how easily influenced young people's minds are. We figure that they will learn everything they need to know, somehow. And they WILL learn, but not what they SHOULD know. They will learn how to decorate the cake, but not how to make it. If we want our children to be happy, we have to teach them how to bake that cake.

Many schools teach children how the reproduction systems work. Some schools warn children about all the different kinds of STD's, and inform them that condoms are the only thing, besides celibacy, that will protect them from both diseases and unwanted pregnancies. A few will even go so far as to talk about different forms of sexuality, such as cross-dressing and homosexuality, and press on the importance of treating the practitioners of these forms of sexuality with the same respect as you show those who belong to your own group, and not taunt them for being different.

My own school was very progressive, and even included Ethics in our sex education. We were taught to show respect for our lovers, and not gossip about things that only concerned the two lovers themselves. Seeing as I today am an author of erotica at an international web site, with thousands of people reading my stories, I'd have to say that the message my teacher was trying to make, didn't quite sink in…

School teaches children the technical stuff. Boring, but necessary. It doesn't often cover anything else, however, and this is where youngsters turn to porn to learn more. But porn isn't a very good teacher. It doesn't listen to and answer questions. It only shows fantasies, and leaves it up to its consumers to make what they want of it. We think that our children will be able to see through the clichés the same way we do, but they can't. Not at that age, when magazines are gurus and models and actors are role models. A far better solution is to talk to a grown-up.

Most parents are as embarrassed to talk to their children about sex as their children are to listen to their mouldy old parents explain the Facts of Life to them. Me, I talked to a friend's mother instead, which was much less embarrassing, and I got a few valuable advices on sex and men, of which one in particular has stayed with me: "Don't choose a virgin. They'll just dip it and run away!" I have myself functioned as the "older and wiser woman" to teenagers I know, and given them tips and advice such as "size does matter - some like them big, some prefer them small", and "don't do anything you're uncomfortable with".

I think it's important for young people to feel that they can talk to a grown-up who will respect their budding sexuality, instead of giving them a patronizing pat on the head and a "you'll understand when you're older". A teenager with bubbling hormones will not settle for waiting until his/her 18th birthday. They want to know, they want to try, and they WILL learn, they WILL try, no matter if you'll allow them or not. It's better, and in the long run probably also safer, to accept the fact that the kid who loved cartoons and bubblegum is growing up and beginning to develop into a sexual being, and try to steer him/her past the dangers of STD's, pregnancies, bad reputation, and broken hearts.

It doesn't have to involve graphic descriptions of how to give a blowjob/how to lick a clitoris. That's where porn fills a great mission.

But the Ethics.

Talk to young people about how to tell the difference between love and lust. About how important it is to be considerate to your lover, by making sure that you both enjoy having sex, by not revealing your lover's secret kinks and fetishes to the world. About how love and sex respectively are great on their own, but fantastic when put together.

When your teenage daughter wants to sleep over at her boyfriend's place when his parents are away, tell her that you trust her to only do what she feels comfortable doing, and ask her to use a condom IF they decide to have sex.

When your teenage son uses a word like "slut" or "whore" or "bitch", don't just snap at him, but explain WHY it's bad of him to use degrading words about a woman's sexuality.

Trust your children. Lay down the rules for them, demand that they follow them, make them understand that being an adult means both rights and responsibilities. Treat them like adults-in-training, and they'll give you the response you wish for; that of young adults, beginning to mature.