- Erotic Poetry
- Into Her
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Click hereInto her body, a strange feeling came.
Into her ear, he whispered her name.
A chill went up and down her spine,
As he whispered, “I’ll make you mine.”
She loved the feeling of his warm caress,
As his hands moved slowly up her dress.
Passion sparked, the flames grew high.
He placed his hands, gently on her thigh.
Into her heart, he had flown.
Straight like an arrow, to the bone.
Into her soul, he did go.
Her heart ran fast, his hands moved slow.
Into her every thought he came,
As his hands ran through her mane.
She could tell he was aroused,
As his body, she slowly browsed.
Into her fire he entered slow.
Where this would lead she didn’t know.
All she knew was her need,
And her hunger, he could feed.
Into her deepest warmth, he came.
Cooling the thirst, quenching the flame.
Into her heart, he came and went.
For this man her love was spent.
As she opened up her eyes,
She saw the truth, not the lies.
It was a dream, the tears start.
How could she lose her very heart?
A dream so real, a love so true,
That’s how it felt, now so blue.
When would she fine love that pure?
When would he come into her?
- COMMENTS
perksalmost 20 years agoSince you asked for a critique on your first poem. I'll give you one.
I'd like to see you throw all your rhyme out the window, and rewrite this poem in your own words, not forcing them into some known structure that you think will make it a poem. Remove all phrases that you've heard before "a chill went up and down her spine", "passion", "flames"... you see what I'm getting at? Then once you do that, and you get down to the meat of the emotion. Turn around and describe those emotions with some of your own originality, so we can hear your true voice. You obviously are interested in writing poetry, I would love to see you interested in writing your emotions and turning them into poetry eventually. It's good to start anywhere.
Syndra Lynnalmost 20 years agoI like the rhymes, but your meter needs work. A little predictable with well worn phrases. Keep writing!
