- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Baby Blue Cardigan
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It was cold
when you were gone
drove around town
like we used to
when we were broke
thought of all those times
we sang until our throats hurt
kissed until our lips bruised
loved until our hearts burst
when you were alive
and so was I
- COMMENTS
duddle146about 17 years agoThoughts of old dusty memories ~ of a love once so alive and new.
LeBrozover 18 years agoOkay ~ smack me upside the head for missing this;
not my style, true, but it evokes so powerfully
deep feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and loss.
~
The only thing I'd suggest, is to change the last two lines to one - but that's just me - just "feels" more powerful and to flow better - again, just to me.....
kissed until our lips bruised
loved until our hearts burst
when you were alive
and so was I
becomes
kissed until our lips bruised
loved until our hearts burst
when we were both still alive
or drop the "still?"
AppleBiterover 18 years agoof so many moments of my past. It only needs wheat fields . . . you captured a thousand dusty memories in one poem. Well done. :)
