When I turned 40, I was married, had 2 kids and lived in the suburbs. I had a full time job that I enjoyed. I had everything going for me. A husband that loved me, two sons that were A students and a job that I liked. Then something hit me. Something was missing in my life, but what could it be it appeared that I had everything a woman could want. Why did I have a feeling of uselessness? Why did I feel like there was a hole in my soul?

I decided that it was time to figure out what was wrong and fix it. I was very unhappy and because of that, I was making my family unhappy as well. I tried doing different things to change the way I was feeling, but nothing was working. I went back to school thinking that would help. But that didn't do much. So I thought, perhaps it's my love life? I decided to place a personal ad.

Originally, it was a straight, or as the D/s community would call, "a vanilla" ad. I received many responses, but nothing that looked very good. Until one day, I received one from a very interesting man. We corresponded through e-mails for several weeks. Then we were able to talk directly in a chat room. He was unlike any man I have ever met, and yet, I felt like I was where I belonged. He treated me like any other man does on a date. He was considerate, kind and understanding about my situation. After talking for quite sometime in chat rooms, we decided that it was time to take it a step farther. We met!!!!!

At first we just meet in a restaurant, had coffee and talked. But after about the 3rd meeting, he thought he knew me well enough to ask me if I had ever heard about the D/s community. I, of course, had not. I had read the book "The Story of O" (that is when I think I originally began to feel like I was a submissive, after reading that). He suggested we go for a ride in his car. It was then that he explained to me about the Dom's needs and the submissives responsibilities. He asked me if I thought I would be interested in reading some material on the subject. Well, of course I was interested and quite intrigued. This felt so right, if felt like I was finally heading towards something that would make me happier.

This man e-mailed me many different things about this wonderful life. The more I read the more I was positive that this is what had been missing in my life. I wanted so much to have a Master/Dom that I could serve. To me that was the ultimate. To be there for the sole purpose of someone else's pleasure. To be there to ensure that he was taken care of. And in return, he would make sure that I was safe and taken care of.

This man and I decided that he was not the Dom for me. He will always be in my thoughts, for, without him, I would still be stuck in a hole of despair for the rest of my life. Never knowing what or why I was so unhappy. Since finding this wonderful life, I am now a complete woman. I have not found my Master yet, but I know that he is out there someplace just waiting for me. Knowing is half the battle.

My journey will continue. I wish to find a perfect Master. One that will treat me fairly, teach me all that it will take to be a good submissive. My Master will have only one submissive, me, because that is all he will ever need. He will be concerned about my feelings. He will be interested in all aspects of my life. He will always be there to hold my hand when i'm sad, or when i'm happy. Of course, for all this caring, he will have my complete trust, loyalty, honesty and obedience. And above all else, he will have my complete love.

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