by JEdwins ©
Pete had been leaving early and getting home late a lot the last few days. Not that there was any hint of discord, because except for what ever I think I see in the eyes of Nancy the few times I've run into her lately, all seems sort of okay. She says that Pete was sanding down all of the decking and rails on his daughter's patio and would be varnishing it for the next couple of weeks. That's all. No extra words. But each time I see her I say to myself, "Self. There is a lady who needs to be loved half to death so she can get herself back on track with the world." Of course, I don't know that I'm right, and the more I say that to myself, the surer I get that I am right, but I could clearly alienate a lovely lady and lose her friendship if I was to do something stupid. So I began to devise an approach that might work, yet would allow me to back away at various stages of the plan before I shattered either one of us.
I picked a day after Pete had finished his work at his daughters, and was going to Phoenix for a week with both of his daughters to visit family. Nancy was staying home but had been invited. She seemed a little relieved at being totally alone in the house with no one to deal with but herself. Seeing her going out to bring in the trash cans from the curb after the last of the collection trucks had passed, I waited until she was coming back with the last one, and then stepped out my back door, opened the gate, and asked, "How's the lady of leisure this afternoon?"
After putting the container behind the bushes along the wall between our back yards, she walked back the few feet to where I was standing and said, "The peace is truly blissful." After a short pause she continued with, "You know, Pete so seldom takes Cathy with him on his trips, unless I'm going along to watch over her, that this is a real treat for me."
Noticing that the late afternoon sun was in her eyes I stepped over to her driveway, for which she thanked me, and stood so that her back was to the street and the late afternoon sun (part of the plan, you know). Now I was the only person who could see her front (and a nice front it is, let me tell you), because we both have detached garages which are side by side and we both have lots of backyard growth which makes each of our backyards very private, visually. Her eyes still looked sad or haunted or longing-for-something to me. If there was ever to be a time to step into the abyss, this was it.
Looking into her eyes I said, "You look like a woman who is missing something critical in her life."
Her eyes opened a bit wider in surprise at my statement, then closed for a moment before she said, "Does it show that clearly, Tim?"
"I think so, but I pay attention to you and I worry about you," I replied softly.
Crossing her arms across her chest, right under her breasts I might add, she looked down at the ground saying, "I don't think I can last much longer," followed by a long pause, and then continued with, "He just won't see the major issues. Oh, he's done some really nice things since he came back from Santa Barbara, but they weren't really for me as much as they were to relieve the pressure from me on him. As if he was the only one who needed relief from pressure."
Wow, I thought. I think I've hit the nail on the head. Now for the big question for myself, that being was I taking advantage of a woman who was too distressed to really evaluate the situation? Well, my plan allowed for many escape routes, both for me and for her. She would have many chances to back away from my advances with no real harm done (I hoped). She was sort of fiddling with the top of a breast pocket on her dress with her right hand and that was capturing my visual attention, but I waited quietly for her to continue if she wished.
"We've talked about so many things over these past few years. Some of them I felt bad, no, uncomfortable about later, but I've really enjoyed talking to you. I don't mean that I wished I hadn't talked to you about some of them, Tim, but I shouldn't have involved you in my problems so much," she finished, and looked back up at me. Then added, "Now you know me too well".
I moved one step closer to her so that we were now only about three feet apart and said softly, "If you can't tell someone who cares about you, there isn't much left." She again looked a bit startled, and looked down at the ground again. While waiting I thanked the weatherman for adding so nicely to the plan. It was late August, hot as it usually is, but also very humid for LA. The result was that Nancy was wearing a very light dress through the top of which I could sort of see her bra, and thought I could see her nipples. Nice. With her arms across her chest tightening the dress across her breasts, and the humidity maybe adding a little bit of transparency, I was content to wait until she chose to speak again.
"Peter just doesn't understand. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life as his maid. Nor as the indentured stepmother of poor Cathy. I know that mentally she is only 5 or 6 years old, but after 20 years of taking care of her I need time off occasionally. I need him to say, 'Thanks, Nancy, for being here,' once in a while. And meaning it." She looked back into my eyes, then back to the ground. Then she said so quietly that I almost couldn't hear her, and maybe I wasn't supposed to hear her, "And I need to be loved."
Well, folks, there it was. Old Timothy was right about that part. Love Them And Use Them, Or Use Them And Lose Them. You can quote me on that. It applies to either gender, too. Trite sounding I know, and I don't mean for it to be trite, but a well loved woman will put up with a fair amount of shit from a man. Here was escape point one. I could be very sympathetic and go home, or I could continue on and see if maybe I could love her. You know what I chose.