by Bent Ampersand ©
just don't want you to feel pressured..." Alan said to Lori. Her mom
was waiting. Long drive from school. "I don't feel pressured,"
Lori smiled and kissed him.
The party was just slowing to a dead stop when Alan looked drunkenly over at Jessie.
She was lying back, her head against the pale stains on the wall. She saw Alan looking at her and this made her smile.
Alan knew that the ball was in his court, the question she'd asked was: "Where did you grow up, anyway?"
And the answer was delayed by copious amounts of beer and whiskey. Never mix the two. That's what the older people said. What Todd said. Todd had bought for all seven of them. And everyone was passed out or near it now.
Who ever had signed for the hotel room was gonna be in a lot of trouble too. Maybe it's cause kids under twenty-one can't hold their liquor that they're not allowed to drink. The smell was coming from the bathroom even with the door shut.
Alan crawled over to Jessie and collapsed on his stomach, next to her. He raised his eyebrows and said quietly, "I was born in Montana, but I grew up in Nebraska..."
"Nebraska?" She said with a smile. "Not so far away... are you graduated?"
"This summer," he confirmed with a smile all his own.
She pushed his bangs up and away from his eyes. Her fingers were sloppy, slowed by liquor. "So, Nebraska boy... do you have a girlfriend?"
Bad question. Alan had always prided himself on his honesty and what he deemed chivalry. Yes. Alan did have a girlfriend. Yes. Lori was her name. But she didn't like Todd or his strange parties. For his three months in the relationship, this was the first she'd let him go to. Special occasion. Mike was leaving for the Army in the morning. Mike had passed out half-after midnight. And it was coming on three am now.
"She pretty?" Jessie asked, seeing the hesitation in his eyes as she lit a cigarette with a stick match. She then held her pack out to him. Three left. "I smoke too much. You want one?"
"Yes and no." He slurred with what he thought a sly response. Jessie looked down at him with half-opened eyes. "Yes. Pretty. No. Cigarette?"
"Heard a rumor once. All there is to do in Nebraska is drink and fuck. That true?"
"Well if it is... I wouldn't know." He was sideways on the floor now, gazing up at her. Jessie was a blonde girl. Her face had a strong chin and a tiny nose. She wore overalls with an undershirt and this led Alan to muse if she liked her body or not. She had a smile on her lips that seemed to border on that of the bitch who one Scrabble for the third time.
"You don't fuck?" She said, looking him dead in the eye. He rolled his eyes upward at the direct question. He had no idea how to field this. Not only did he not fuck, he had never fucked. Waiting for the right girl.
Waiting for Lori. He inhaled deeply. The only thing working in his favor was that there were huge drunken lapses in the conversation.
"Haven't yet..." He said with a sly smile.
Her expression didn't bat an eye. Didn't indicate some sick victory. And for an instant, Alan could've sworn she was cold sober when she said: "Neither. Have. I."
He laughed an odd laugh. The sort burned by alcohol, and smothered by the need to not wake anyone. Then he pulled himself up to sit next to her.
"How's the virginity thing working out?" He mused, trying to keep the conversation going. It had been awhile since he'd been so drunk and for some reason sexual conversations were especially interesting when they took place at this time after so much fuel.
She smiled at her lap. And then she leaned her head into his shoulder. Felt nice. Her hair smelled nice. And he glanced down to watch her blow smoke at his lap.
For awhile, they sat just like that, in silence. They sat like that until she leaned forward and put her cigarette out in the ashtray. She then looked over her shoulder at him. Something mischievous there made him smile. It was the sort of smile that's born way down low that seems to touch every part of your insides on its way up to the mouth.
"How long have you been smoking?" He asked, feeling like he should say something. Even if it made no difference.
"Since I was thirteen." She said, turning to face him. He glanced over her attire. Overalls. The shirt beneath them was cut low, letting him eye her breasts. Which he'd done more than once through out the party.
"What are you now?" He smiled.
"College now." She said, moving closer. She straddled his lap, right there against the wall. Her hands settled into his shoulders, squeezing them gently.
"That's a long time to be smoking."
"I started smoking butts in my mom's ashtray..." She inhaled, cocking her head to look at his eyes. Her eyes were green.
"Tasty..." He said, bemused. "What are you doing?"
"Touching... is that okay?" She leaned forward, and he could smell the cigarette that had just passed her lips. "I can stop."
He stared at her. What was her story, anyway? Todd's friend? Mike's friend? When they'd been introduced earlier, that had been the case. Just some girl from St. Louis. Rubbing his shoulders. He liked the attention. So he said nothing. Let her continue. Let her do what she was doing, like that.
Her hands moved to his neck. She just kept watching him, her half-opened eyes waiting for him to stop her or waiting for him to encourage her. He was doing neither.
Jessie's fingers touched the back of his head, seeming to stroke each individual hair. He could feel his heart beating in his chest. The beat that's reserved for couches at mom's house, for parked cars, for those moments of sexual tension when there's the chance of going over the edge. Of going to far. Of doing too much.
And he'd always prided himself on his discipline.
She'd leaned in. She was all he could see and too lazy to bother looking around her. Her chest was heaving too. She was feeling the same thing. His eyes dropped to her heavy breasts. That pale skin sitting inside of that white shirt, beneath the blue overalls.
When he looked up at her, she closed her eyes. Her lips were slightly parted. He could make out her front teeth peeking out from behind her full upper-lip. And that's when he leaned forward some.
As his lips touched to hers, a siren blared in his head. He closed his eyes to shut it out. Her fat lips pressed to his, opening just enough for him to smooth his lips against them. He could taste Jack Daniel's and nicotine. And all he could do now was inhale through the nose to keep alive.
Her lips widened into the kiss and he let that happen too. Lori was probably home asleep. She had this teddy bear from when she was six. The thing had been loved to near death, the eyes hanging by a strand. And when she slept she wore only a long shirt that covered her to the thighs. He'd seen her only twice, ready for bed, and both times she'd been the most beautiful thing he'd ever beheld.
Her tongue pressed into his mouth. Was it the whiskey or was it the beer or was it that this girl just knew how to kiss? He raised his tongue to let her slip beneath him. Her arms went around his head and his arms laid limp at his sides.
"Want me to stop?" She said into the kiss with a smack.
Gordon. That teddy bear's name was Gordon.
He broke the kiss and looked at her. In her eyes, he could see the barest hint of a dare. Or was it an apology. Her arms hugged to his neck tightly, was she trapping him? She'd made it plain that she wouldn't continue if he said so. If he said so much as 'yes' or 'please stop' she'd listen. Roll off of his lap and likely pass out next to Mike or Todd.
And when her weight left, that response in his groin would fade and stop stabbing his jeans. How tight it was down there. Older people said that alcohol cause impotence in everything but women.
He didn't want her to stop. He wanted to put his hands on her breasts and squeeze them. Something about this girl. This girl from St. Louis seemed to beg for that. And she was choosing him. Not Mike. Not Todd. Alan. Alan was who she wanted.
But if he said she should continue... that meant Lori didn't matter. That he followed his hormones to whatever bridge they led to. And what did that make him?
So he chose not to say yes. He chose not to say no. He chose something else. He reached upward for the first. His fingers touched to the clasp on her overalls and she leaned her head upward, knowing what he was about to do and consenting.
He unclasped the right side. He unclasped the left side. And her overalls fell forward. She then leaned back further, the small of her back touched his legs. He parted them and looked down at her in the revealed shirt.
Jessie was leaning on her elbows, her ass sitting on his erection. "C'mon..." She said. "C'mon, huh?"
He slipped his legs from beneath her and crawled over her. As his lips touched to hers, he knew he was dictating the situation. He was now in control. His chest collapsed into hers. He felt her tits smear beneath him as he went on kissing her.
Served Lori right for not coming. He was too drunk anyway. Besides, what Lori didn't find out about wouldn't hurt her. He turned these thoughts over and over in his mind as he entertained the excuses, sought his refuge, and claimed this girl from St. Louis.
What a sexy name Jessie was anyway.
"Oh... Alan..." She half-moaned into the kiss.
His hands went upward, pinning her arms down. He raised up and looked at her. Her face was contorted with heat. He leaned down again and ran his lips over her neck. A kiss. A lick. A kiss. A lick. What Lori liked.
And then it was her earlobe. It was attached to her cheek. Not like Lori. And pierced. Not like Lori. His teeth caught on the stud and he toyed with that. He felt her shudder beneath her. Now he knew what she liked. And he wanted to continue. Wanted her to feel good like that.
So he stopped. Part of the fun was in the teasing.
He chose to go back down, over the neck. Kissing like he knew how. And then it was the edge of her tit. Right where the breast met the chest. Here he used his teeth. And he sucked lightly.
"Hey..." She said above a whisper. "Hey... let's move."
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