The Best Erotic Stories.

The Underpants Gnomes
by Leah Bordello

Lisa was on a friend's hen's night. This wasn't the tacky kind of celebration with male strippers, this was simply a bus load of tipsy women behaving uninhibitedly. The tour leader announced that whatever woman could collect the most pairs of men's underwear and autographs over her body would win a hamper full of vibrators. Lisa's eyes brightened at such a challenge, her girlfriend Shania smiled at the prize, after all, a girl could never have too many vibrators.

They arrived at the club and scanned the crowd for their prey. Lisa decided that every man there was a possibility, and with 20 other women on the same mission they had to hurry before those valuable jocks were all surrendered to their competitors. Lisa began the games, walking up to the nearest male she looked up into his eyes and directly said "Are you wearing any underwear?" Startled the guy replied "Yes, why?"

"Can I have it?" She boldly replied.

"Can I have yours?" He offered a trade. Shania smiled coyly, taking Lisa's hand, leading her to the ladies toilets to help her remove her underwear. She removed hers also, ready for the next available trade. The girls returned to meet the guy for the trade, swinging their underwear as they walked. And so the first transaction was made. As it was Shania's turn she turned to the next male, holding up her underwear, the man asked if he could have them, she smiled "Yours for mine". He then slipped his hands down his pants, pulling up the edge of his jocks and began ripping at the elastic, with some violent maneuvers he managed to pull out what used to be an intact pair of men's underwear.

They moved to another group of men, asking one in their sweetest voices for his underwear, "Only if I can have either of yours" he looked from one girl to the other.

They smiled, "Ours are both gone" Lisa replied. "Both of you?" He looked towards Shania. They lifted the sides of their skirts, showing their lack of underwear.

"Oh, I missed out!" He was obviously disappointed, "Why do you want them anyway?"

"We collect underwear, it's our hobby, I like to masturbate with them at home, it's such a turn on to have a strangers sweat mixing with mine..." Lisa dared. She'd obviously said the right thing as the man disappeared to the men's loo, returning several minutes later with his underwear in his hand. Lisa looked at him with a "what took you so long!" glance, he smiled coyly, thanking her for the avid description. The girls smiled, handing him a pen and offering some flesh for him to sign.

The men around them saw they were acting as human graffiti walls, and offered to add their names. Standing in the center of a group of guys with pens waiting to touch their skin, eyes searching for a spare spot of skin and the occasional jerk trying to slip his hands up either of their skirts... but all in all, it was fun to be the center of attention. By the time that group had signed their names the two were covered in black ink, blue texter and red pen... It was time for more underwear, anyone could collect a few signatures, it took social skills and the skills of flirtation to collect the material off a guy's private parts...

The reply "I don't wear underwear" grew tiresome the second time they heard it, but unluckily they challenged the wrong guy... "Prove it!" They demanded, next thing they knew this guy was unzipping his fly, producing his limp cock for their inspection: "Look, I've had my cock autographed" he said, stretching it out to give them a better view. Shocked, disgusted and repulsed they screamed and ran away from the limp-dick wielding creature. They raced outside and went to a different club, escaping the beast.

The new club was not only a sanctuary from the undesirable, but it also hosted a multitude of new game... Lisa briefly scanned the room, looking for men who were good sports, men that would give up their underwear for a worthy cause... After asking several men she had thought would be likely candidates she found her calculations were wrong. There was no time to discriminate, undies were undies, it didn't matter who they were from, once the prize was theirs the jocks would be tossed aside, or given to the hen as an early wedding present...! Lisa turned to the nearest male, looking up at him through her eyelashes she coyly asked if he was wearing underwear, he said he was but had to keep it (he'd been in this situation before) because his wife wouldn't like him to come home without it. He was playing hard to get, they could sense it. Every man has his price, and they knew only too well that the way to a man's heart was not through his stomach, but rather through a little live lesbian action!

"Oh... that's a shame" Shania said, "I could have kissed my friend in front of you in return for your under- wear..." She smiled at Lisa, who smiled back, impressed with her tactics.

"Really?" The guy asked, dumbfounded, he'd obviously never been personally offered such a performance, he was probably used to seeing it in the porn movies, or maybe on stage, but never on personal request.

"Yeah, we won't rip you off..." Lisa said, and began kissing Shania briefly, stopping she turned back to the guy "There's more where that came from as soon as you give up your underwear". The smiled, promisingly. The guy's eyes sparkled, his friend had seen some of the action and asked what was happening. They explained that they would kiss each other in return for men's underwear.

The new guy smiled, "I could go for that, but I've just seen you kiss, these are Calvin Kleins, I want to see more than a kiss!" He was much cockier than his friend, much braver, more demanding, and also drunker. His innocent-in-comparison-friend was disappointed with himself for not asking for more himself. The girls smiled, following them into the men's toilets. In retrospect this was a rather risky situation, but they both knew enough martial arts to get them out of trouble, should it arise. Crowding into a cubicle and locking the door behind them the girls began kissing again, the guys told them to touch each others breasts, and so they did, not because they liked taking orders from men, simply because it felt good. When they paused, and turned back to the men the pushier one had his pants down around his ankle, his cock was barely hard, although he claimed he'd beat off over this performance for months to come...

"Touch it, go on, just for a second... just touch it"... he begged. The girls laughed, as if they would touch a cock, a strangers cock in fact.

"No, sorry, that's not part of the deal." Shania reminded him.

"Just for a second, then you can have my underwear" he was desperate and pathetic, certainly not good qualities in any man, so they were unlikely to effect two lesbians.

"Guys, we're lesbians, we're girlfriends, we fuck each other, we don't do anything with men, so we aren't touching your cock for any amount of time".

The guy changed course, "Ok then, will you show me your tits? I want to see your tits," he pointed to Shania. The girls looked at each other, sure, breasts were beautiful things, but they still couldn't understand the pure obsession men had with them. Lisa began lifting up Shania's tight top, and ran her hands over the material of her bra, kissing along her cleavage she lowered the bra cups, exposing Shania's perky breasts with erect nipples. The two guys moaned in appreciation. Shania ran her fingers through Lisa's hair, and Lisa took one nipple into her mouth, sucking and biting gently on it. This wasn't part of the verbal contract, but it felt good, and who gave a fuck if two guys happened to be seeing it, they were horny, fuck the world.

"Oh yeah, that's it, that's good" the guys encouraged as if they were getting head. Shania slipped her hand inside Lisa's top, she wasn't wearing a bra so it was easy to find her breasts and play with their fullness. She rubbed at her breasts as Lisa sucked. The guys comments disappeared as their attention was focused on each other. Lisa got on her knees and pulled up Shania's skirt, exposing her bare pussy, Shania willingly parted her legs, pushing her pussy towards Lisa's mouth. Lisa parted the lips and traced her finger from Shania's clit, to her wet entrance and back again. Shania moaned, encouragingly. Lisa inserted a finger and began circling it inside of her, stirring her, and massaging the g-spot.

"Ooohh yeah" Shania moaned, "suck it baby, lick me". And with that Lisa ran her tongue all over Shania's pussy, enjoying her sweet juice and sucking at her clit. Shania was rocking her pelvis to the motions of the tongue and the fingers which were attending to her desire. Shania's legs began trembling as she leant back against the cubicle wall, Lisa knew she was close and fingered her faster, sucking furiously on her clit until Shania's breath came in cries of pleasure. Lisa remained between Shania's thighs lapping at the overflow of cum, far too good to be wasted! When Shania had caught her breath and her legs had regained their stress she pulled Lisa up to her feet, and hungrily kissed her, loving the taste of her own cunt juice in Lisa's mouth. There was a round of applause and the girls were brought back to reality, turning around they saw that not only had the two guys been enjoying their performance, but that the toilet door had been opened, and 10 guys were standing there clapping. The girls laughed.

"You all owe us your underwear!" Lisa said to them. A few guys started removing theirs and the others agreed to do so, so long as they continued. Why the hell not, they'd never see these people again! So Shania began to return the favour, sitting Lisa down on the closed toilet seat, she took off Lisa's top, and heard compliments from the men as they saw Lisa's pierced nipples. She sucked hard on Lisa's nipples until moans escaped her lips. Pushing her back on the toilet seat the lifted her skirt, and spread her legs wide, more applause was heard from behind her, accompanied by a few wolf whistles. Shania laughed it off, and Lisa didn't seem to notice, her thoughts were on her clitoris and what it was about to feel.

Shania spread the lips of Lisa's pussy, exposing her erect clitoris, she took this into her mouth and sucked and licked and nibbled, sticking two fingers into her vagina, moving them in and out in Lisa's abundant wetness. Lisa contracted her pelvic floor muscles several times, took a deep breath and exploded in a pent up orgasm. She writhed around on Shania's fingers, getting the most she could out of this wave of ecstasy. Then taking Shania on her lap they kissed and sucked at each others tongues. When they finally turned around and began to redress, and reorganise themselves they saw that at least 15 guys were standing there watching.

They smiled, standing, arms out to accept the many pairs of underwear. Two guys had already given up their underwear earlier, and for a lot less than this! So they bought the girls drinks, as a 'thankyou'. Their mission accomplished they retired to a corner booth and kissed some more. On the bus at the end of the night they astonished the others by producing armfuls of men's underwear, they didn't dare to count the sticky sweaty mess, but they were undoubtedly the winners. They graciously accepted their prize, a hamper full of new sex toys, and were relieved no one asked them what they did to get so many pairs of jocks!

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