Good story, excellent wordings. My only minor critiques would be establishing a clearer sense of period. I might also suggest re-working the confrontation. Brookwood has already physically harmed Herb by the time he makes it back to her home, in a very effective and visceral scene. The threat to stuff him in the oven feels a little too "storybook" by comparison. I get that you are going for a storybook effect, but I think you could afford to keep the horror factor dialed up.
Easily one of the best I've read so far this contest. Keep it up!
I hope to do more stories around these supernatural themes as well as explore others like science fiction or high fantasy.
Awesome story!! Great characters, great scenes, just great!! Of course, I was hoping that Mike would get the girl and that Desmond would get taken to Hell in Mike's place *sigh*.
Great story though!! Keep writing!
What a twist!
All i could picture was Velma from scooby doo getting tagged by Pennywise the clown.... But with Tim Curry as old as ol' man Withers... And after i sat and thought about what my shrink would say.... May be im just a crazy old lady... Perverted and waiting for Halloweeen....
Paragraphs are too long, too many themes in each paragraph. Ended abruptly, you need to flesh out your characters more, it was far too sweet a story to end the way it did. To me it didn't seem to fit the build up.
Eek! No, double eek! Great story and that ending came when I stopped expecting it to be an option. Chilling!
it was really a great stori. I have hope, that you write continuation
This is not what I usually like to read as it had so many quick twists and turns before turning into horror. The culmination with them making love and the violence that Chris committed were completely mind blowing. Not necessarily in a good way either. There wasn't enough character fleshing to really "get" that this was the bad guy or that something evil was about to happen. Keep writing!
Damn I like this story, 5-STARS all the way. Werewolf stories are my favorite type of story and you have started a good one. So please keep writing and adding to this good story. Do not be like other writers who start good stories but never finish them leaving a very frustrated reader. Retired Army NCO
can not wait to read more. story sounds like itmight be good.
This story was used for an anthology before and there was a hard 10k word limit, so I had to cut back on my usual level of characterization. I had thought to overhaul the story for the contest, but got blindsided by the deadline. No time for sweeping changes, so it is what it is.
Thanks for the critique and the kind words.
Characters were a bit shallow but that fit well with their actions. Probably was submitted too late for the Halloween contest. Worthwhile try!
good story enjoyed it very much...trs
i think it was ok
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