Oh thank God! It was just a Ledger scam, I was afraid we were dealing with sex slavery.
Great chapter. Definitely another 5 Stars from me.
Buuuut when exactly does this tie in to "Westerons?"
I'm glad this episode ended. But for good reasons. I like when an author has the guts to tell a story and let it's parts actually conclude. Am I ranting in your comments about other writers? Probably. :)
Not everything has to end in a cliffhanger, and I'm glad this didn't.
I do hope that he gets on to a new story in his larger tale after this. Are there things left unsaid? Sure. But those are 'the stories of other characters' and not Thorn's so I'm fine with that. I actually like not having every last detailed put on a wall for me to examine. Life isn't that sorted out.
He does seem to have a bit of an unnatural stamina. But this is an erotica site so we can accept that.
This is your second story in this universe and both times you've had your lead near fall for a girl working a bar that he has to leave behind. Bit of a theme there. That said, in your fantasy stories you have another set of themes, and these tells keep me coming back so that's fine.
So far this character and his deeds and challenges have not been as brutal and grisly as your fantasy stuff nor even the other story in this universe. I actually like that, but suspect it won't last. The nature of his job implies it will likely go there.
All that stated, I like how this series has gone thus far, and I like that we appear to be on a mostly clean break out of this 'arc' as head into the next one.
I definitely have to borrow from a poster in chapter 4, where I definitely feel ch 5 confused me in some ways by how it ended. That said, while I still rated it a 5, the feel of it I believe could have been handled better. I'll explain what I mean.
***
First Impressions? I'm definitely glad they promoted Renfro to Colonel; I'm also glad they promoted Thorn to 1st Lieutenant. Him putting in a good word for Rachel was a nice touch, and honestly? I really would like to see Rachel show up in the story again, because she obviously owes him. I'm already assuming Renfro will probably pick her up, and for Thorn to be a good and effective spy, he can't afford to burn bridges, and he has to start building a layer of contacts both inside the military where he can, and also in the civilian population. I don't have to be a genius to realize this is just a necessity, because the more he ends up digging on other cases, the more he might need at least the human contact--just as this tale posited with having to interact regularly with Lori--as well as just have that repository of possible knowledge to help him in some unknown way for the future (the reason why I state this being so important is that in a very pivotal episode of Deep Space Nine, the family housekeeper was actually able to help a son find the location of his father, when even the son's military contacts did not know where he had gone. If you've never watched Star Trek Deep Space Nine, I would kind of advise you to take it in little bits because it's one of the darker and far more complex Star Trek series, which doesn't shy away from putting main characters in compromising situations that are clearly supposed to be good guys, but that end up crossing lines when necessary in order to have the ends justify the means. One of the big reveals throughout the series are all of the different secondary characters that end up playing pivotal roles and in some cases get promoted to effectively nearly the status of the main characters because they're kind of like surrogates that do the work that some of the main characters are still unwilling to do-- despite all of the bad guys surrounding them that are willing to go to any lengths to win). That's why while I appreciate the female academy shenanigans were wrapped up and you went beyond your normal three-page installment, it still felt this conclusion was a bit more rushed than what I'm used to when I'm reading your stories: I really think this should have been done in two halves, because while I can't exactly tell you where it seemed to be kind of sandwiched together, better to kind of have the story end about the time the agents stormed lean's office and arrested thorn along with the rest of them, detail the schemes a little better with finer detail, then kind of resolve the goodbyes like with Lori--especially with her-- where there was a far longer goodbye, where she really got to explain her thinking process, although she appreciated him being upfront with her about it only lasting the time he would be there. The reason why I say that is this the story depicted their relationship much deeper than how it ended. I really feel like ending them was premature, because with the wording of how he's clearly retelling this in the future and looking back because he says he understood her better after much time and past, it just feels like they got cheated because at one point they both realized they could love each other but then there was a sudden shift at one point where when they actually had a very leisurely coupling that they realized it for what it was... and it hit me at that moment that obviously you were going to split them up. The difficulty I have in my mind with it is that the encounter didn't have to revolve around fireworks for them to bond more, and it was obvious the act itself and the reflection should have at least leaned toward them keeping the relationship going to whatever degree they could going forward. But then to come in behind that--while it was appropriate for the story in terms of I'm kind of recalling it in a flashback fashion --it seemed like just giving up on it way too easily. Does that make sense? Now Rachel in terms of her future is something that is in flux and can be more easily dealt with, but I'm really saddened with just ending Lori after both of them really clicking. Perhaps you're thinking to yourself, "oh wow he's really making a lot of this"... but it feels like it could end up being a royally missed opportunity for the story--and for Thorn himself.
***
I have to admit that the way you had the story rolling, then I thought somehow that Professor Cable was maybe perhaps a surrogate kind of sex toy for Colonel J and maybe even major lean? The way she seemed flustered didn't seem to stem from her just changing grades or manipulating transcripts, because when she was running the one errand, it was stated that her face was flushed and she looked a little bit sweaty or something to that effect as if she was running to get back without it seeming like she had left or been gone long at all. I don't know if that was just a random divergence of the story with my brain... but it seemed like the story suggested more happened to her-- especially when Jay shows up in lingerie and gives him permission to touch, because it kind of appeared that communication had improved between Jay and Lean, and possibly with Cable herself. To be fair, that would have been the only thing to explain Jay's behavior, because she was so clinically detached from her own existence that it felt like there had to be a direct outside influence on that behavior to make her even consider it. I also have to say that I really was expecting that either Taylor or perhaps Cable would have been another investigative plant, as it just seemed too big of a mystery to just try to pin it on the shoulders of one guy and hope it was going to work out.
***
I'm definitely looking forward to chapter 6, as it's going to be a clean and fresh adventure for Thorn and Renfro.
oldwit - The tale includes the music business, otherwise all the people in the tale would be roaming around pointlessly. Thanks Q! 5 stars
somewhere east of Omaha
English
Latest 15 Reader Comments
Very enjoyable! Well done! Finn
Enjoyed the characters and their lives.
Outstanding tale! 5 well-earned stars! Looking forward to his (Mayne's - is that what we call him now?) chapter!
Oh thank God! It was just a Ledger scam, I was afraid we were dealing with sex slavery.
Great chapter. Definitely another 5 Stars from me.
Buuuut when exactly does this tie in to "Westerons?"
Well done! A pleasure to read! Can’t wait for the rest, thank you:)
This is a fun story to read. Henry is a convincing "chad". I like how you strike a balance between assertive and being plain unlikeable.
I'm glad this episode ended. But for good reasons. I like when an author has the guts to tell a story and let it's parts actually conclude. Am I ranting in your comments about other writers? Probably. :)
Not everything has to end in a cliffhanger, and I'm glad this didn't.
I do hope that he gets on to a new story in his larger tale after this. Are there things left unsaid? Sure. But those are 'the stories of other characters' and not Thorn's so I'm fine with that. I actually like not having every last detailed put on a wall for me to examine. Life isn't that sorted out.
He does seem to have a bit of an unnatural stamina. But this is an erotica site so we can accept that.
This is your second story in this universe and both times you've had your lead near fall for a girl working a bar that he has to leave behind. Bit of a theme there. That said, in your fantasy stories you have another set of themes, and these tells keep me coming back so that's fine.
So far this character and his deeds and challenges have not been as brutal and grisly as your fantasy stuff nor even the other story in this universe. I actually like that, but suspect it won't last. The nature of his job implies it will likely go there.
All that stated, I like how this series has gone thus far, and I like that we appear to be on a mostly clean break out of this 'arc' as head into the next one.
I definitely have to borrow from a poster in chapter 4, where I definitely feel ch 5 confused me in some ways by how it ended. That said, while I still rated it a 5, the feel of it I believe could have been handled better. I'll explain what I mean.
***
First Impressions? I'm definitely glad they promoted Renfro to Colonel; I'm also glad they promoted Thorn to 1st Lieutenant. Him putting in a good word for Rachel was a nice touch, and honestly? I really would like to see Rachel show up in the story again, because she obviously owes him. I'm already assuming Renfro will probably pick her up, and for Thorn to be a good and effective spy, he can't afford to burn bridges, and he has to start building a layer of contacts both inside the military where he can, and also in the civilian population. I don't have to be a genius to realize this is just a necessity, because the more he ends up digging on other cases, the more he might need at least the human contact--just as this tale posited with having to interact regularly with Lori--as well as just have that repository of possible knowledge to help him in some unknown way for the future (the reason why I state this being so important is that in a very pivotal episode of Deep Space Nine, the family housekeeper was actually able to help a son find the location of his father, when even the son's military contacts did not know where he had gone. If you've never watched Star Trek Deep Space Nine, I would kind of advise you to take it in little bits because it's one of the darker and far more complex Star Trek series, which doesn't shy away from putting main characters in compromising situations that are clearly supposed to be good guys, but that end up crossing lines when necessary in order to have the ends justify the means. One of the big reveals throughout the series are all of the different secondary characters that end up playing pivotal roles and in some cases get promoted to effectively nearly the status of the main characters because they're kind of like surrogates that do the work that some of the main characters are still unwilling to do-- despite all of the bad guys surrounding them that are willing to go to any lengths to win). That's why while I appreciate the female academy shenanigans were wrapped up and you went beyond your normal three-page installment, it still felt this conclusion was a bit more rushed than what I'm used to when I'm reading your stories: I really think this should have been done in two halves, because while I can't exactly tell you where it seemed to be kind of sandwiched together, better to kind of have the story end about the time the agents stormed lean's office and arrested thorn along with the rest of them, detail the schemes a little better with finer detail, then kind of resolve the goodbyes like with Lori--especially with her-- where there was a far longer goodbye, where she really got to explain her thinking process, although she appreciated him being upfront with her about it only lasting the time he would be there. The reason why I say that is this the story depicted their relationship much deeper than how it ended. I really feel like ending them was premature, because with the wording of how he's clearly retelling this in the future and looking back because he says he understood her better after much time and past, it just feels like they got cheated because at one point they both realized they could love each other but then there was a sudden shift at one point where when they actually had a very leisurely coupling that they realized it for what it was... and it hit me at that moment that obviously you were going to split them up. The difficulty I have in my mind with it is that the encounter didn't have to revolve around fireworks for them to bond more, and it was obvious the act itself and the reflection should have at least leaned toward them keeping the relationship going to whatever degree they could going forward. But then to come in behind that--while it was appropriate for the story in terms of I'm kind of recalling it in a flashback fashion --it seemed like just giving up on it way too easily. Does that make sense? Now Rachel in terms of her future is something that is in flux and can be more easily dealt with, but I'm really saddened with just ending Lori after both of them really clicking. Perhaps you're thinking to yourself, "oh wow he's really making a lot of this"... but it feels like it could end up being a royally missed opportunity for the story--and for Thorn himself.
***
I have to admit that the way you had the story rolling, then I thought somehow that Professor Cable was maybe perhaps a surrogate kind of sex toy for Colonel J and maybe even major lean? The way she seemed flustered didn't seem to stem from her just changing grades or manipulating transcripts, because when she was running the one errand, it was stated that her face was flushed and she looked a little bit sweaty or something to that effect as if she was running to get back without it seeming like she had left or been gone long at all. I don't know if that was just a random divergence of the story with my brain... but it seemed like the story suggested more happened to her-- especially when Jay shows up in lingerie and gives him permission to touch, because it kind of appeared that communication had improved between Jay and Lean, and possibly with Cable herself. To be fair, that would have been the only thing to explain Jay's behavior, because she was so clinically detached from her own existence that it felt like there had to be a direct outside influence on that behavior to make her even consider it. I also have to say that I really was expecting that either Taylor or perhaps Cable would have been another investigative plant, as it just seemed too big of a mystery to just try to pin it on the shoulders of one guy and hope it was going to work out.
***
I'm definitely looking forward to chapter 6, as it's going to be a clean and fresh adventure for Thorn and Renfro.
oldwit - The tale includes the music business, otherwise all the people in the tale would be roaming around pointlessly. Thanks Q! 5 stars
somewhere east of Omaha
Actually, I enjoyed this even better than pt1! Thanks Q.
somewhere east of Omaha
Thank you Q! Enjoyed the first part. 5 stars
somewhere east of Omaha
The little details make this a joy to read. Many Thanks.
Rachael and the Grey Monks was rejected by the moderator for Literotica.
Less sex, more action, please.
I really, really like your style and your story. Many thanks for writing!