when there is a yoni
I thought the context possibly erotic rather than the verse itself - the picture from a Russian friend that led to this verse was truly inspirational - I hope I have captured its effect here. I fear the end in the picture as not quite as I would have hoped in my revision of the tale - she looked so vulnerable - sad smile.
Very dramatic, S.O. Remarkable opening and closing; in between, a very imaginative narrattive.
".....when she's shot/Him.." is very skillful enjambment and heightens the drama even moreso.
I must admit I'm confused as to why it's listed as an erotic poem.
I'm recommending it in PF&D.
This was done for the fun of it. It is based off the song We Didn't Start the Fire by Billy Joel. It is not as put together as the song, because I didn't go by decades like the original. Instead I mashed up everything I could think of to get it to work out right. Enjoy.
sans the windmills, TK U MLJ LV NV
The girl has the makings to be a fine kajira
and the skies shall open. TK U MLJ LV NV
but it still shows promise - try to get a little more original language and leave tin pan alley alone, we all love Carol King. Ghost. Little Steven, Kim Carnes, the Ambulars, The Lincoln Squares, Arna Bontemp, Little shop of Horrors, Ian Levine, The Fantastic Four, Tommy Powell and even Cumslinger (is that you or did you steal the whole thing from the internet?) but we can find then on Pandora and don't look for their lyrics here. Hey, did you write Melia Trumps address? Or did she write Michael Obama's?
You are writing angry stuff that is personal and only you understand what it is actually about - yes we get the gist but a little more detail would make for a better poem - also, one poem a day is quite enough - don't bleed yourself dry and bore us to tears -Anony-ass
One of the best D/s themed poems I've encountered on Lit. This is a beautiful, powerful line:
"This submissive heart thunders,
At the eye of His storm."
Nicely done, Sara.
"Break me gently; have me hard" has to be the erotic line of the week.
YOU DA BEST
Fable : 5-ed !
makes a rhyming spiel. TK U MLJ LV NV
if this is a Limerick, the third and fourth line should rhyme.
try "I love you dear lass"
or "I think it's a gas"
for your third line
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