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Latest 15 Reader Comments

Wonderful!

Well written and SO hot!
Loved it!

Incredible

Really enjoyed the story the feeling of actual love and the way it ended in conversation not "he came on her. The end." As most stories do

Not a First Time story

It's filed in the wrong category

Wait a minute (part 2)...

Julie's story continues. Ho Ho Ho!

In Chapter 1, Robert was from "a professional family back in Ohio." In Chapter 2, at Thanksgiving "Robert flew home to Massachusetts."

Now, in Chapter 3, it's back to Ohio: At Spring Break "...Robert told me he had to go home to Ohio. He was pretty vague about what could be so important about going home, but firm about going..."

Well, the plot thickens.

Too bad you didn't continue/finish this story, Julie. Since Chapter 3 was posted on June 20, 2014, and today is August 31, 2015, I guess you aren't adding anything more to this story.

I still speculate that Robert went back to his REAL girlfriend.

Wait a minute...

In Chapter 1, Robert was from "a professional family back in Ohio." Now in Chapter 2, at Thanksgiving "Robert flew home to Massachusetts." Where is he really from?

I get it! Robert gets Julie's cherry, has a fuck-buddy for his senior year in college, and graduates. He then leaves Portland and goes back home to ( insert state ) to his REAL girlfriend. You know, the virgin with the big tits, gets married and becomes a successful CPA.

LOL. I've got to read Chapter 3 and see what this author dreams up.

Solid story

Solid story, so I rated it a 5, but I can see why you got down votes:

1) The Oedipal part was totally unnecessary and forced. Sometimes less is more.
2) Pele hate too many a--cap sentences. I have written stories for Literotica years ago, and I got hit in the ratings for them.

Just some friendly advice.

Really !!!

Really a nice bit of literature,good story line and really great content. One tiny gripe (and I may be wrong but I think not) if my old,old memory hasn't failed me it is not Captain Ohnaka,but rather Captain Okana.

If I'm in error some one please let me know !!!

Nice Quickie

Nice little 1-pager. Good enough plot development, and pretty interesting overall. Pretty great read, especially since I don't normally like shorter stories. 4 stars.

No Story is too Long

Bard, this was an amazing piece of writting. The characters were believable in themselves. I hope there will be more. I would say the only part I celt lacking was the afterwards. Otherwise it was enjoyable.

Good first

This was a good first outing, especially as you said English was not your first language. That said it was very long winded, and was overly formal, in the way that it seemed as if it was written for the kind of person who would be at home with nobles from 200 years ago. As good as the story was, the sheer stiffness of the language and the near emotionless dialogue made it exceptionally difficult to relate to the characters. In future try writing a bit more casually, most people won't take the time to speak, or think, in perfect grammar, and will often use slang over correct terms like genitals. If you can't get a word processor with a spell check, then Google any word you are unsure of, and ask an English speaking editor if the tone is too robotic or "Prim and proper."

Cute

I thought it was very sweet. ignore the haters :)

To Anonymous [Good Character Development]

First of all, thank you for your insightful comment. I don't excel in writing sex scenes, but I guess that'll improve with some more practice.

Although this a standalone story, meaning you can read this entirely as a separate part, I've written this piece keeping the future story arc in mind.

This is, as you've guessed, not the end of their story.

Mike is going to join the armed force and his story is going to collide with another character from another story of mine. I don't wish to confuse the readers with that complex development with this part.

For now, it's just a story about how two imperfect people, with not so shiny pasts, fall for each other.

Thanks again for your comment.


Bard

Good character development

The story seems to end rather abruptly when the two of them lose their virginity. Some of the build-up to that, earlier in the story is actually more erotic than the actual denouement. And when they finally have sex, it lacks some of the fumbling you would expect from a meeting of two virgins. In fact, the sex seems a bit boilerplate-ish. However, this is not strictly speaking an erotic story. It's a teenage love story that culminates in sex. I found that the story did sustain my interest for all 9 pages, although I was hoping for an ending that packed a bit more of a punch. I was also left wondering what all the anticipation about the Special Armed Force was for, since that sub-plot was simply left hanging at the end of the story. However, the characters were engaging and well-developed.

Copy??

I'm sure I have read a story on literotica exactly like this a few years ago. M.E.

Wow

A wonderful Australian tradition to be emulated. Good read.

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