The midnight shower was a nice touch!
Frankly a bit pathetic and amateurish
It was somewhat sweet and hot at the same time, with a nice bit of humour though I think it would have been a lot more romantic if Samantha had waited for him, and that her talk about boyfriends were lies to hide her infatuation.
That way they could have lost their virginity together.
I should hope there is a part 2 & 3 to this story ~~ or are you just hanging us out to dry ? "I hope not". ^
Kept getting lost in the repetiveness. Once you've told me unless there is a reason to bring it back up, say in the last page - let it be. I had to lay it down and pick it back up several times to get through it. You worked hard at writing so I felt since I chose it is owed you to read it and give you honest feedback. Cheers!
I would expect better use of language, from legal field, or maybe you should proof read for grammar etc. As others have pointed out, typical male fantasy but maybe put yourself in a role you can pull off.
Very nicely done!
didn't expect this, really! a great job with humour mixed in with sexyness and in the end a perfect finish. Seriously there's talent in this one
Great story! Can't wait to hear about the next time
Shame you either don't know how to read your pathetic comment or you're incapable of proof reading before Posting!
Sorry for the spelling mistake; should have been “sweetie”. Apart from that, the sentence is exactly how she spoke.
8 inch, good joke are you compensating for you 3 inch hard-on. Second, where is that rule saying on your 18 th birthday you MUST loose your virginity. Pity this was a easy 5, but you did make it a 1 because of your insecurities.
The basic idea behind this story is good, and a lot of how it is written, but there are innumerable minor flaws. A good editor will correct the flaws and you will have a story that is ten times as good.
Best wishes for your future as a Litauthor,
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