So, been reading the entire story through and while I usually come here for the obvious reasons of sexual fantasies, im finding myself reading this for the story rather than the sexual interludes.
Now before I go further I should mention that im a huge reader, going through multiple books during a normal week and have been for the last 25 years or so.
I think this story has massive potential, not just as a Literotica story but as a "real" story.
While it does read like something taken out of "Brothers of Anarchy" with the vocabulary and some of the personas, it's really interesting to read about the "other side" of the table, get the girls view.
I like the action as well, and I like it's not a 1% club, since turning it into a story about a bunch of drug-sellers or gun-smugglers would make it too much like SOA for my taste, keep's it "real" and it'll definitely keep me coming back for more.
Please keep up the good work!
fag cuck shit.
This is a nice change from the usual cuckold stories that are told from the perspective of the wife or husband. Well written and erotic. I hope that you keep sharing your work.
Exactly. "They're Teenagers", teenagers do dumb shit driven by hormones ALL THE TIME. Hell, even adults aren't excluded from that. We usually are a "little" more in control of ourselves, but as young dumb and full of hormones often leads to cheating I would say the breakup was handled in a very adult like manor. There was no slapping, cussing, beating, locker smashing/trashing, i'm sorry baby it'll never happen again, etc. they just moved on to see if they could find happiness with their new interests.
I love your writing. It's like a drug that takes me to a different existence . Once I start reading, I can't stop. You have amazing insight into so many things for someone so young. You either have a very diverse and interesting group of friends, or you're actually 60 years old. LOL. I love your characters. They seem so real. Thank you for sharing your writing with us. I will definitely buy your work when you go pro.
Steve in NC
...obviously the writer got just how silly. His characters kept giggling throughout.
That's a *fantastic* note and I thank you for sharing it. In my defense, by the time I have Caleb start saying "fucking this" and "fucking that" in front of Penny, they're already pretty friendly with each other. Between their extra help sessions over MacBeth, and his occasional tendency to come into class early, I figure they got close. Not "I want you inside me" close, but close enough that Caleb feels he can vent to the exact level of frustration he feels with his assigned book. In turn, I used that to demonstrate how blurry the lines were getting through Penny letting his language slide. Once Caleb knows he can get away with it, the floodgates open.
Still, that's not to say the complaint's without merit. It's part of a larger problem I have with dialogue: All my characters tend to speak in my voice. Works great if you're Aaron Sorkin; sadly, I only talk as much as he does. Anyway, I curse a lot in my regular speech; I can see how that bled over in a way that worked against what I was going for.
I'm gonna be submitting an edit of this story at some point to help it better flow into the planned second chapter. Obviously I don't want to mutilate it in trying to fix what isn't broken (it really is just little additions and corrections that help it run flush with things I eventually figured out about these characters), but I'll see if I can incorporate your suggestion or if I can somehow explain it / wink at it in a future chapter.
Either way, thank you SO much. It's extremely rare that somebody uses the comments section to post a thoughtful piece of constructive criticism (moreover, the fact that it was from an anonymous poster tells me I should buy a lottery ticket), and I cannot overstate how much I appreciated reading it. You seriously made my night.
Hope you like what comes next!
Beyond the certain amount of disbelief one usually has to suspend to enjoy a teacher/student story, I had only one thing to share. I felt like Caleb was a little to quick to let the profanity flow in his teacher,s presence, and it made me cringe reflexively a few times. It didn't fit with the sweetness of his personality and the usual inhibition innate in a student's conversation with a teacher. After they started to cross that line, the colorful language made more sense and that transition in vocabulary could have been used to illustrate the change in their relationship, as you did when Penny started being freer with those words. Nevertheless, good story. I enjoyed it immensely. Thank you for posting it.
Let the stupidity of that concept stew for a few moments.
Many "friends" have similar feelings but do not act. They regret not taking the chance. Good descriptions that capture the reality and loving feelings.
wannabe mythical bull. 1* for terminally stupid
just to piss off annony!
TAKE YOUR VILE DISGUSTING PILES OF SHIT AND CRAWL BACK INTO THE CESSPOOL YOU SLITHERED OUT FROM.
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