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Latest 15 Reader Comments

Really good start. I loved it.

I would hope to see Tyler make a separate play for Jeannie. Take her to a party without Jack. Maybe even have another three some with another girl and really let Jeannie explore her lesbian side. Tyler should maybe try to seduce Jeannie into a one on one first though. Maybe try some toys and a little B&D.

Great story

Great story, kudos for your imagination and invoking the readers as much as you did. As a professional courtesy, let me critique the shifting tense was very troubling at times. That was nearly the only issues I found though, all in all, very enjoyable and you've caused me to ignore work far too long because of it! Thank you... I think. :)

The Japanese hierarchy was not surprising, yet still interesting to read and how it was compared to the rise of blacks from slavery to one being the President of the United States is poetic. It's brilliant how Crystal used Japanese female submissive culture and their desire to excell to turn Jun, to doing something foreign to her - pleasing a woman sexually. That's what I love about you silkstockings, your stories seem to be "researched" and peppered with truths. Thanks for the read (tho this is not a favored one). Happy writing

That was fun!

Looking forward to more.

not bad

this is going to be a very good serious, can't wait for the next part

good story

this is a good serious, where the next part is better then the one before, looking forward to the next part

not bad

not to bad a story

Wow

Well this story was becoming more unbelievable with each chapter but this one just rampant it into absurdity.

you come on!

This is just to entertain, don't take it so personally. It's not about your own experience... just something for the imagination. If you think better could have been done, go head and do it. Don't judge, advice. Don't be an arse!

Where to start?

Look, I don't want to be mean to you but I'm going to be honest. Your story is horribly wtitten. The sentence structure is appalling, I've read better composition from middle school children. Your dialogue is badly constructed. People don't talk like you have your charactets speaking. There's no flow to your story & no character development. It jumps from one thing to another with nothing to tie paragraphs or ideas together. It's carelessly constructed & frankly, it's a shameful example of how not to write a story.

You obviously have the desire to tell stories but you need to do some serious study if you hope to put something together that'll put you in 4 or 5 star range.

Read some of Colleen Thomas, FeatherWatt, - Ripley-, LesbianChickLit, FiveWolves. Study how these exceptional writers tell their stories. And then practice, practice, practice.

Your story is so poorly written that it's embarrassing to read. All I kept thinking is how deplorable our educational system must be to consider this type of composition to be an adequate piece of prose.

I'm not going to rate you. It wouldn't be fair. If you were my student I'd fail you for turning in something as juvenile as this.

First person?, Second? etc.

You need to decide before starting the story what POV you want to write it from, and stick with it. There is an extreme difference between "I"/"you" and "he", "she",etc. Also, you should learn the difference between your (second person possessive), and you're (contraction meaning "you are"). I actually hate the english language, it was forced on my gaelic and french ancesters by military power, and I think the world is a lesser place because of that. However, I accept that we have to "bloom where we are planted" and have to make the most of what our ancestors left us.


Well done

You kept my attention with several cleverly interwoven stories, worthy of a mainstream TV plot. Hot, and you kept it moving

Great story

We'd love to see a few more chapters of this one.

Beautiful

This story brought a smile to my face the entire time I was reading it. Not just extremely sexy, which it was, this story is a little snapshot of two people still ridiculously in love. Most erotic stories are about new love or lust, this was a nice change of pace. Loved it, gave me the warm fuzzies lol.

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