"She could feel the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, and the pounding of her pulse, as if somewhere in another room a washer was cycling through a load." this makes no sense. How is it like a washer cycling through a load?
gave you a 5 for effort and content
for your effort! and the story was very sexual!
As it sits, this was just awful.
Just plain awful.
Just not very believable....
It takes too much away from the story when there's so many grammar issues. Maybe a better editor will help?
....when is she going shopping for a gun?
You do an excellent job of showing, not telling. The more I read, the more clues you drop about the nature of the world, the physical setup of the dome, the government, etc. It's such a rich world... I hope you develop this (not necessarily as erotica) and publish it!
how could you write something like this? :(
This is a really good story. I'm looking forward to see where you take the next chapters. Please don't fizzle out the story. There are so many stories on here that just never get finished. I understand you have a busy life but please give your readers an ending if nothing else.
I thought the story was great. It was just like the first, well written and sexy. I think I understand how she seemed to give in. A human needs hope and her only hope at this time was to play the part of "TOY" and enjoy his gentle side. There was little she could do in the situation but give in or be punished and taken anyway, just with more brutality. I hope there is more.
I loved it!
Im happy to read you again. What a fantastic story. All is perfect.
May be in next parrt can we see the poor David in the sperm bank to be used like a 'test subject"
I imagine him refusing to give sample.And "Aunt Ashley" comin with a "special tool" to get the sample.
I hope the Gargareran saga will continue like Coxworth Academy.
Do you know if she's ever finishing chapter 30? It's been over a year :'(
Login or Sign Up
All contents © Copyright 1998-2012. Literotica is a trademark. No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission.
Terms Of Services|Report A Problem|Privacy
Password:Forgot your password?
Your current user avatar, all sizes:
You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.
Select new user avatar:
Upload and save
User avatar uploaded successfuly and waiting for moderation.