Bone thrown, holla!
Absolutely adore this. Elegant and effective without sacrificing anything.
A sweet gift, Neo - they are a marvel, aren't they? A clean and moving write.
Minor quibble: I do agree with gm on the 'of' in S3L2 - the line feels cut off as it stands.
A lovely love poem from a father to his daughter, Neo. I have one too who by the way has visited her step-brother there, a career naval officer. They're both very fond of the culture.
One quibble: Although I'm not a big fan of ending sentences with a preposition, I think S3L2 would have sounded better with "of" and I was left wondering if it was intentional or an oversight.
throw me a bone, TK U MLJ LV NV
and a soliquy for the diary. TK U MLJ LV NV
India & Nipponized him into Basudekado !
---killer lines , Susan :5-ed !
walking the streets, watching the lights, smelling the smells and seeing the sights. It's got a film noir feel to it. I especially love this one.
One question: is it possible you may have frogotten a 'to' in this line?
"The evening lights used (to) glow here;"
I like the metiphore but some times I belive our Fates have already been per furged for us. Some more than others. And Guess by who??
Not the greast and not the the worst either some where in between, don't sweat it I know you did your best and that is all it counts. I'm just not sure about the begining 'Once Upon a Time' part. WHAT IS THIS A FAIRY TAIL OR A POEM??
Not bad... Just wished I could form a perfect picture of it in my mind :) I'm Picturing half threesome and half cheaing slut??)
I loved the metiphor, but more so I love the strange beauty of the poem. Good Job;)
We are all Shackled in one way or another
Beauty is on the inside no matter who you are and you don't need any body to tell you that you are pretty, don't let any body tell other wise or don't you for get it.
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