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Nice work.

I enjoyed reading this chapter. It took me a few days to get through it. But it was very much worth it.


Was curious as to what song others would sing during the celebrations? I believe my friend came up with the best answer of smash mouth all star

Excellant story....

very interested in reading further... please let me know when you add chapters

Faye and Athena

I think Faye has the Pinocchio syndrome (she just wants to be a real girl). She’s been a voyeur to all the lovin that’s been going on and she wants to be a part. After all the rest of the Progenitors created their own race of Amazon warriors. What If the carved stone pillars turn out to contain the bodies of former warriors (Athena) or to be the devices used by the Progenitors to create the different species of aliens. It would help Dana and Rachel out with getting Faye a body.

As for Athena, I think John picked up her spirit on their first trip to the Ashanah home world when they were show the carved stones. Alyssa saw her echo aboard the rebuilt Progenitor ship the Ashanah used during the attack. Athena was the Matriarch for the invading Progenitor and ruthlessly killed countless Maliri. Does John really need three Matriarchs? Do you think Athena would except a lessor position, or is she just using to obtain her release so she can set out to find her former master?

To John Blackhawk:

LOL You must be psychic. The last chapter will be up in a couple of days :-)

Can you make a drone using magic

Story is awesome, there is no doubt about it. And I just finished my second read of this chapter. Can you make the hero to build a very small magical remote controlled helicopter that can be used for surveillance against the enemy. And if it can turn invisible and shoot the enemy that'd be awesome. Or maybe arrows that can lock on to a target will be awesome too.

Waited a long time

But it was worth every minute of the wait! This story is incredible and this chapter is a great continuation, can't wait for more.

Awesome story but too long sex scenes

I have been waiting for a long time. The rings power and limitations are awesome. Fight tactics ,twists ,story pace everything is awesome. My only problem is sex scenes, too long to the point that it frustrated me to still read sex after three pages when all I wanted is to read about provings. I know this site is for erotic stories but yours has become more than that. keep up good work.

Second go

Okay. Now I've had a bit more sleep. As I said, I started chapter 1 on Friday morning, and finished chapter 5 late, late Saturday evening.

Very few errors, and those mostly usage errors - probably due to spellcheck giving a selection and the wrong one on the list accidentally getting picked. Considering how few they are, awesome job there.

Some of the phrases take a bit getting used to, and I understand that "was stood" and "was sat" are colloquial British, and even the BBC is letting field reporters get away with it -- though it's still not usually used in writing except within dialog itself. Still considered incorrect -- but living language evolves, and that style may eventually become accepted over time, as spoken language drives the written form. So in that direction, everything's still jammy.

The one error that bugs me, though, especially considering who some of your editors are and it still slipped through -- is that of protracted dialog that spans more than one paragraph. If your speaker is still talking in the next paragraph, you need an open quote mark to indicate such. It's generally not hard to follow that the character is still talking -- and the absence of a close quote does help, but it does make me as a reader step back and determine "this is speech, not exposition," and that the absent close-quote wasn't a simple oversight. A minor quibble to be sure, but a consistent error throughout the chapters.

All told, an impressive achievement. Since one Lit page is about 10 pages on a word processor, chapter 5 would make book 3 and 4 in a series that thus far spans four novels (2-300 pages each). Again, a hearty thank you for sharing.

What time is it? Oy. Time to find some scran and head to work. Slainté

One thing i need to say

I think the funniest thing that could happen now is during the debriefing T'Varik says something like "You're being hard on yourself Mr. Ostrow even by my standards."

Far, far, far to much sex

you had entire pages of sex. I got bored and skipped half of them.
p 40 to 46 and over half of that was sex in some form.
kinda disappointed I'm afraid. good story, but it was just oversaturated

Random Faye observation

While reading some recent chapters again, one small thing jumped out at me, during the last battle while Calara was coordinating the Ashanah forces she granted Faye full authorization to fire all Invictus weapons. It may be insignificant, but no mention was made of rescinding that authority. I assume Alyssa is aware of Calara's action, but John may still be unaware. So if Faye goes a little nutty she has the entire firepower of the Invictus at her disposal. On the other hand, if she has to swoop to the rescue, she has the entire firepower of the Invictus available.

Thanks for the update, PLR!

Now just waiting to see if Chapter 82 posts today. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Thanks again Tef!!



So respectful

Just wanted to add that I love how the Captain won't accept any "toys" that would hurt his Sailor. He knows that this kind of roleplay will never be fun for him, after all he suffered. Anyway, the Captain knows how much it's useless, they already have such a powerful connection!

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