if "your" could be replaced with "you are" in a sentence, it should be "you're", not "your", as in these quotes from this chapter:
I just noticed your not looking too good
Well, your right, I just, had a bad day I guess
If your there then it is
Well it's just your a beautiful woman
your covered up and that's all that matters
At one point, your main character thinks about a CAR crash. Shouldn't this be a PLANE crash?
On at least two occasions, you refer to the "floor". Unless the island is tiled and/or carpeted, I think you mean the "ground".
A competent editor could/should catch these problems (and more), improving your story's readability.
This is great! I really wanna see him own his role, now!
You did a great job can't wait for the next installment
It's a small matter, but Marines do not have Drill Sergeants. We have Drill Instructors. A DI would tear a kid a new one if he ever called one of them a Drill Sergeant.
You have done a great job with this story. I am very excited to see what's up next
Never really explored sci-fi much till I stumbled on this ...the 280+ comments this got, plus the high 4.8 scores, caught my attention.
This was riveting, as well as smoking hot...VERY likable characters , great dialogue ...always such a treat when superb story has follow-up chapters.
"Valeria body lurched beneath Gwendallyn and abruptly exploded, gore splattering all over the clearing"
Way to completely ruin it for no good reason whatsoever.
Looking forward to the next installments
I am so happy you continued with this story. Very interesting and I enjoy the plot
For those of you who do not recognize it, the end, with Rachel, was a CLASSIC P.T.S.D. episode. Some innocuous trigger causes one to completely shut down mentally and act/react as if they are in another place and time. Unfortunately for Rachel, it happened in a high stress situation when the collateral damage was unfortunate and unfixable. A person in the throes of a PTSD episode cannot be rationalized with. Only after it has passed can the person be reached, by anybody. And this is before Rachel could 'hear' or was completely connected to Alyssa. I applaud Tefler for creating such a realistic recreation. And wonder about how he knows the scenario so well. My wife suffers from it (and I live with it) as a result of abuse (no, from her ex), so I have necessarily become somewhat knowledgeable myself. It is a very real mental illness. My question however, is how was this not 'fixed' by the transformation (unless the transformation is still ongoing...hint hint)?
As for Anon (why do people post without giving their name...makes no sense...not like you can't be tracked) and the AI issue: I can see more of a psychic control of the robots as Dana applies the psy-shaper tech to battlefield conditions.
Please continue this fantastic story here on literotica. If not let us know where we can get it. Thanks so much for your service from one who also served but did not suffer as you have. Hope all goes well for you for the future.
This was truly a great chapter. I have been so eager for the different groups to meet up that this felt so good to read.
that is all.
Is a lot like the Hitchhiker`s Guide to the Galaxy in the fact that nothing makes sense. I love it.
Greetings Buddy, hope u get well soon man, missing your writing badly, a couple of my friends and yours truly love your novel and have a great confab after every new chapter, please keep it up!!! Frank and the preppers(south African style)
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