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Latest 15 Reader Comments

Very well done for a first time. Keep at it.

Rating:3.5 Stars...

Good story line,nice characters...a bit more depth next time,nice sexual innuendo & build up was nice.
Rating would be 3.5 stars bein' ur 1st time & all,keep it up.

Awesome

You write well. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Good story

Hope to see where you take this story ,was good as a stand alone ,it has a lot of potential.As previously mentioned,you could use and editor or proof reader.Thanks

What bad gay story

The author has some gay issues that was mixed in this garbage story.
The author should assume he's gay and go for cocks.

Not a bad story,but good grief you need an editor.!!

Agreed!!!

This was a great account of your first meeting and we must here about the next few months that you teased us with.

Thank you for writing and posting here.

Please continue.

Good. But could be great.

Pretty good, but three main things stop this from being great.
1- Repetition. This is the most basically issue. You repeat yourself a lot, saying the same thing over and over in different ways. Kinda how you said in 10 different ways how good Deb's asshiole felt in one paragraph.

2- Focus on the mechanical action. While your description of the actions is pretty good, it does get repetitive after a while. You really should focus more on the feelings and emotions felt duriing it. You're surprisingly dry j. That regard. While the actions get huge descriptions, were just told that X or Y felt amazing or great and that's it. Show us. Don't tell. Unpack stuff.

3- Hold back the adjectives and adverbs. Specially adjectives. They should br used sparsely or else the readers get bombarded with info they don't process. There's a reason we use verbs a lot more. Makes the reader dive in. This ties in show don't tell, since eadjectives are usually cheap ways to void unpacking a scene.

Introduction

I was a nice erotic read. Nice the way Mistress took charge and you submitted to her the way you did. Are you going to share more of the adventures with Mistress? 5 of 5 stars

I need

the cock deep in my ass and the fluid..........

I want

Butt plug woman to peg my ass deep and harrrrd. I'll service the cock, not because, I want to, although do really want to, butt because my cock doesn'r work

I hope there's a part 2.

LOL!

You act like this and your husband divorces you before you find your shadow.

More

Well written! Part 2 would be awesome!

Wonderful story.First rate !!

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