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Latest 15 Reader Comments

nice try

but a little rough and toooooooooo long -- keep at it!

Fantastic poem.

Love how poem starts out slow, builds, climaxes and subsides. Great job HBOO!

yep, you got it

right to da point boo

More thoughts...

"a blue bkini/dark" I think would have suggested more without "blue."

"children's beach" very effective image with what's really going on; sets things up well with what's to follow" eg., "he gave me a story to read."

"I wanted to take off the clothes/wear him" better than what's in between.

Loved "a story pretending to be/about French Louie/but in reality,/about roller coaster rides,"

Dirty talk words can work in a poem, but I didn't think "pussies" in this part of the poem did anything.

As far as the rest of the poem is concerned, I would say if you can lead the reader by suggestion, rather than description where you want the reader to be, the poem is better for it. A useful exercise in that regard is to pare back the words and see whether or not the intended meaning is lost.

I enjoyed reading this but believe it needs some editing. Thanks for posting it. I hope to read more of your stuff.

Calling for musical volunteers with talent

Will you write the musical score Tazz.
You're better placed than I am in LV

Thank you Annette

I'm glad that you enjoyed the poem Annette. Thank you for your comments


Your short but delightful poem tells the entire story and all the important points are there for all to appreciate. Thank you.

Thoughtful and respectful

Love the poem, very well constructed and thoughtful, truly sensual. xoxoxo Annette

Part of the pleaure of this poem for me at least was in the short lines that seemed like a throbbing tempo. Like Piscator, I may have more to write about this when I have the time to read it agsin.

Can't wait for Thursday

This works well - I'll have to come back to figure out why.

att. greenmountain self described genius

You think the plums are shit ball? If there is anyone around here who is a shit eater it must be you - go back to green mountain where shit keeps the country green.

why is a female without a yoni

always pursued?

A girlfriend always offers a welcomed hand-deserves 5

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