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Latest 15 Reader Comments

Why

Why would you not add more to this story?

Critical Feedback

Love your story and i believe this is my second or third comment to yourself. not sure but eh, lemme get onto something that might help you get writing.

some of the most important part ofyour story has been our humble hero's intorspection and his action. looking around the world and making his choices, just like he came up with the idea to go into looking for other mentalists. But it might be difficult now that he has someone depending on him, if it continues in this way it might make actions and the plot slow down to much so just a friendly warning.

Your atad light on some physical descriptions, i looked into the outsider also and again its light on some physicality. its just you mention things once and we need to hold it in our head, not to say mention it constantly but maybe better to add in a hair movement, a shimmer in the colorful eyes, the adjustment of shorts that are to tight on a frame or a wiggle of something provocativly?

As for the people in the story, you have dad who isnt in play, mum who's barely in play, three friends who get a mention in at times, three major dogs (being the two german shepherds and his faithful spot) leaving us with the main squeeze and the ex-bitch cheerleader. That to me is amazing how you got so much of a story from that, but i think some other background charaters need some info. Other girls at school dont et mentioned, he isnt bullied but there has to be somethign else happening inside the school. Also his work is, mentioned but it doesnt seem to have much else to add, might be somethign you could add in to say whats the plan after school or something?

keep it up and i'll be checking back for a responce and new chapter
JC

As soon as I saw the author's name...

I knew this would be excellent, and I wasn't disappointed.
ALL of Silkstockinglover's stories are top notch.
She has been on my favorite authors list since I first read a tale of her's.

John the pimp

the 1st year he supports his agents, then after that they have to fend for themselves. So he has basically turned them all into hookers, including his mother. At this point he is doing much more bad than good, so it is only a matter of time he joins his father in the ring

Loved this story!

I really liked the dynamics between the two main characters. Was he mind-controlling her or she him? Or neither? "It's the sub who is really in charge!" He has to expand his horizons to meet her needs.

Sure, the bit about the ropes was naïve, but was the mistake one made by the author or by his character? ;-)

Either way, I'm prepared to forgive a lot just for having been given the image of inch-thick nipples with piercings. That part nearly had me creaming my pants. Of course, two weeks is way too short for healing. Piercings of that caliber may well need two years before they're safe to suck on. But we have to allow some artistic license to make for readable stories. By the time their baby is on its way, she will be healed enough that she can breastfeed without losing the piercings.

I, for one, would love a continuation, even just a "happily ever after" epilogue.

That kelseyhad it coming. Interesting how she handles it. Enjoyed it and going to read more.

What else do you have in mind

I'm really curious if you are planning something else as well.

keep this going

I can't tell if this was intended to be the end, or if there are more chapters coming. Please write more. This does not feel finished as is.

Great read!

I really enjoyed the story and hope you continue!

To Bad

Another great unfinished story.

Excellent ending and writing overall

Best story I have read on this site !!

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