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Although heartbreaking, it's a good poem and not overly "emo".

Your poem is very moving. The concept of DNA from a lost one remaining within the mother is comforting. I like the spareness of this poem and the white spaces as they echo the emotion of your words. I am sorry for your loss.

You are a spam creator

Your recent tactically of turning off votes and comments just means your critics have even more fuel. You are a terrible writer. Don't try to claim you're some kind of black bisexual hero. You're not. You're just a failure as a writer. That's it.

Wouldn't it be nice

Wouldn't it be nice if we all felt this way about our parents.

btw...

did you use word or notepad or (?) to format this? can't remember offhand which programme does it, but one of those adds those extra spaces between lines which can spoil the appearance of your poem on the screen.

hi, mel :)

i'm gonna go into more detail over on the thread you created in the PoBo, but there's a whole lot to appreciate in this piece. it could stand improvement - it's a rare poem that couldn't! mine certainly could :p

for here, for now, i'd suggest altering the title for something less ... prosaic? :rose:
i like the spare manner you've used to address such a painful issue - i think that works in its favour and i totally disagree with the anon's summary. this is far from emo.

Beautiful

This is really touching. 這首詩真的很美

Meant to be a song

In the fun, bubble-gum pop style of music.

Confusion

This is a pseudo-poem (I will not bother to "vote").

Discussion

(I have not nor am going to rate your post).

* The 4th word is "was". This is already a small defeat, especially in a short poem. "Poetry is the art of words" (I said :) )--not a word or anything should be wasted.

* "full on unexpected" -- you phrase didn't contribute to poetry, it only gave a general idea to the reader instead of poetry. You could fill up the space taken by "WAS full on unexpected" by a meaningful image or you could simply skip it. If, by skipping your poetic placebo you didn't get a full poem then it'd mean that there was none. Adding placebo will not help (well, you may fool IGNORANT readers, but I hope that this is not your goal, you seem more ambitious than that).

* You have another "was" (in the 3rd sentence).

* "and then back to this"--that's an allusion, I guess, but certainly not poetry. You have five words but only one ("back") is artistically meaningful. Live long "art of words".

Best regards,

A good idea

Another variation (by me) was published on Literotica about eleven years ago before your version was:

*** https://www.literotica.com/p/1-word-poem ***

Best regards,
-- Senna Jawa (actually: Włodzimierz Holsztyński)

romantic

A poetic experience and the poem is written quite well but there is also "talk" which drags the text somewhat toward the boring : "Recalled with wistful pleasure", "I see her even now", "An image, caught forever", "Her name unknown", "...remains".

Powerful title; it makes the reader wonder what the barrier is and who made it rise. I like the one syllable words with an exclamation point. I would have added them to Rip and Sprint in the first stanza.

I concluded that the images were universal enough to let me fill in the blanks of what the barrier is and who made it rise. I saw success, or perhaps redemption, through perseverance as the overarching theme. The last 7 lines were very meaningful for me in particular.

This is an exceptional poem IMO because it got me to thinking well after I finished reading it.

Pretty heady, WD. First impression very favorable, but I need more to digest it.

A TALE OF AN EMERGING CAVITY

as written in the DDS handbook, TK U MLJ LV NV

is this Consciousness itself fighting against unconsciousness ??

5-ed : seeing your poem after a loooong time , Bro!!
How have you been? and of course welcome back!

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