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Latest 15 Reader Comments

longer chapters geez.. you just start to get back into it and blam it's over.

a blue moon, or whatever it takes

it's always great when a boy's cock goes up his own mother's cunt

This was quite entertaining

I loved the build-up to the climax. The girls worked so hard toward their goal and got their reward. I loved how confused and clueless dad could be on occasion, just getting swept up in the craziness and trying to roll with it.

You write sex very well and make me feel involved. I'm very pleased to see that you said 'to be continued', because I want to see how this all progresses. Write on!

Direction is downwards

The first story was pretty good but not great, because it's not so much a story as it is a non-stop sex scene. It's is more porn than erotica. We'll written porn, but still porn.
Adding mom was a mistake, and I skipped half half of this story because of it. Adding dad would ruin it entirely and gross me out completely. A mother/son story can work for me if it's well done (check Northern Light as a good example), but the (grand)dad/uncle character that you seem to relish I find disgusting, perhaps because it's almost always sexual abuse in real life.
That's OK: every person likes different things, and you write these stories mostly for your own satisfaction. But do keep your audience in mind: not everybody is keen on the 'everybody fucks everybody' type of stories, and it seems more like you're running out of original ideas and keep rehashing the same scene but with different names. A joke is never as funny the second time around, and it's better to stop at the top, instead of dragging on into insignificance.
Finally, two minor remarks:
1: There's a bit of over-abundance of the word 'fuck'.
2: Not all orgasms have to be simultaneous.

Gahd that is sooo hot.

just had to bring someone over

the cockold always come out.best too always be alone.

MORE!!!

Loved it! Especially the tenderness between Emily and her brother and how even when he fucked Alex it was like they were fucking. Made me sooooo wet ;)

Hot

First off, average dick size in the US is between 5-7 inches, so while there's nothing "wrong" with a 9 inch dick, it's uncommon. It makes the story seem unrealistic for some people.
Second off, there are better written stories than this one. There are also way worse written stories than this one, so why complain?
Personally, I thought it was hot. I'd love to see more chapters to this, and the premise of the story makes it very easy to keep adding on. There's a lot they could get up to in a month.

I have been

Following this story. Evie and Karli are quite devious pair. The set out on a goal and achieved it. Waiting with baited breath for the next chapter. (Size does matter)

5 for your effcot and content

hope it helps offset the asshole annony on here!!

Yes you can.

You most certainly can control points of view. Shifting from third to first person is disorienting. Many writers on Literotica get a proofreader to check their stories before submission. Perhaps you should consider this.

As a writer, you are painting a picture with words. Just like a visual artist shouldn't change the medium without a good reason, the same goes for points of view in a story.

You're receiving constructive criticism, not negative bashing. Instead of ducking the issue, use the feedback to become better than you already are.

i only gave it 4 stars just cuz of the sudden ending but its such a good story n realy hot too! i hope u write smore.

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