Recent Comments

  • right to da point boo

    on Choices (1)
  • "a blue bkini/dark" I think would have suggested more without "blue."

    "children's beach" very effective image with what's really going on; sets things up well with what's to follow" eg., "he gave me a story to read."

    "I wanted to take off the clothes/wear him" better than what's in between.

    Loved "a story pretending to be/about French Louie/but in reality,/about roller coaster rides,"

    Dirty talk words can work in a poem, but I didn't think "pussies" in this part of the poem did anything.

    As far as the rest of the poem is concerned, I would say if you can lead the reader by suggestion, rather than description where you want the reader to be, the poem is better for it. A useful exercise in that regard is to pare back the words and see whether or not the intended meaning is lost.

    I enjoyed reading this but believe it needs some editing. Thanks for posting it. I hope to read more of your stuff.

    on Wednesday (3)
  • Dem ! what a lovely compliment : 5-ed .

    on Sidi Saiyyed (1)
  • Is "Choices and sacrifices part 10 "EVER happening? !?!?!

    on You Cheated on Me. (1)
  • Will you write the musical score Tazz.
    You're better placed than I am in LV
    TY

    on Your beauty left me breathless (4)

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