2013 Birthday Poem for Laura Gwen

Ten-motives collide with dank coffee
Mobilized
 as I sculpt a poem for your birthday
In a faraway land and I'm waiting once from again  your hushed long-distance whisper,  steeped in your sad America, crackling on the line  
A shy, shameful "hi"
Like that day 15 years ago
In summery Somyon, Pusan , South Korea
It's 2013 and it's your birthday
And you're not here
I'll just jump into my dirty oatmeal-colored 1999 Nissan Maxima
With the broken indoor panels
And cruise out  
I might be able to hear your "hi" out there
Near the sandy plateau  
And tumbling over  the hills of that wadi in the distance
Your life seemed to be  always Chaos
Grand Central Station
And sometimes the Maslov's elemental needs trains didn't arrive on time  
Or were completely scrambled
My chaos was more existential
To this day even, trying to find a soul in the haystack of careerism
Well, our respective chaoses had nothing in common
But there we were, connected at the eyes
I imagine you carrying your worn little  notebook
In your back pocket
To record life
biting your lip with intensity and pressing hard
Or sleepily letting it dreamily roll across the page lightly
The pen sometimes with a life of its own
The pen's cavalier jottings sometimes causing you to stop and sigh angrily
Or giggle effusively
Anyway , this is your birthday poem for 2013
And I'll keep writing them  
Because life is a bit wounded knowing that you're not
   Among us anymore
And this wound won't heal but can be anesthetized somewhat by memories and tributes
Love to you and your spirit
Which still lives