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Click here3D Pain,
Tenchi Akira
We’ve all thought about it once in our lives
But not until we’ve hurt the one we love
Does the thought crave to be real
Suicide!
One moment, one time of weakness on my part and I lost it all
I lost you, I lost our future together
Me heart burns, my soul is in agony, my mind is racked with pain
So full of sorrow, so full of guilt
Kill me so I can escape this 3-dimensional pain
I don’t care what kind of poison you use, or what rusty blade you stab me with
As long as I never take another breath
My heart burns, my soul is in agony, my mind is racked with pain
Just kill me so I can escape this 3-dimensional pain
I promised you I’d never kill myself
I promised you I’d never hurt myself again
But no matter how you look at it, I am dead anyway
I know that’s not what you wanted to hear
I’ll break these two promises I made to you
The first two that I have ever broken
Just to escape this 3-dimensional pain
My heart burns, my soul is in agony, my mind is racked with pain
Just kill me so I can escape this 3-dimensional pain
So I don’t start breaking my promises to you
That first comment from Syndra says it all; need to cut back on the length. Among the problems, speaking of suicide often works best when not spoken of so directly. Also, the anquish is diminished by the checklist nature of the problems experienced. Work through these and this could be a powerful piece.
The sacredness of a promise ~ a plea for strange deliverance. A poetic pearl.
Your emotions come through, but you need to edit and trim this piece quite a bit to find the core of the poem. Keep writing!