- Non-Erotic Poetry
- 6000 feet
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6000 feet up plus two
of my own
in the stars' backyard
surrounded by God's toys
catholic lutheran methodist pentecostal...
and grass lawns which grow
cigarette butts
will I join
the midget trees
in the midget town?
wlodzimierz holsztynski ©
1996-jan/feb
- COMMENTS
LeBrozabout 17 years agoThis poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 34,000 poems.
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duddle146over 17 years agoI enjoyed enjoyed the literary journey of your words. A restless and beautiful poem.
Cub4ucmeover 17 years agoFirst poem I've read of yours that actually
held my attention.
I think it would have better impact with
punctuation. I know the reasons you
chose for ignoring it purposely.
That said, I think this particular poem
would work better with it.
The reason I say that is specifically
pauses. Some lines when read across
feel like they are meant to be read
smooth and quick. In this poem
I believe commas, in the right places.
would improve the poem from the
readers seat.
I did really appreciate the cigarette
butt reference.
Surprise, surprise!
best,
andy
Maria2394over 19 years agowhats not to love about this POV? senna the cynical, poet whose poems I miss, yeah, I said it, I miss'em :)
