My voice has changed since the heartbreak. Walleye sit here cursed with memory as I reach for another beer. He lies. Unforgettable stutter damn my mind for being lost in itself while you sang. That voice, that voice! A green and gray bouquet tossed to filth. The rain came and I was not alone. I stare at that spot. I turn red with shame for what I've done. The Ace of Spades. The Jack fell right out of your hands and into a pile of other throw-aways. The mojo bag has disappeared. I tried for my cake and longed to eat it. All I keep saying to my therapist is four letter words and please stop looking at the clock. You think of me. I jumped from a cliff into cold long water. I've been cauterized at the wrists. My feet no longer hurt. I heard once that penguins mate for life no matter because there is nothing in the world worse than a flightless bird. Pleasure can turn to torture when everyone is looking. Trying hard to keep my courage up, wonder how much a fishing license might cost. I just want to feel the tug on the line and be forced to do something.