A Bawdy Christmas

All the stockings by the chimney were stuffed with bags of weed and chunks of hash
And I was even dippin' into my special Secret Stash
No one could remember what they did five minutes ago
Their eyes were all red and their faces all aglow
And for those who like the hard stuff, the rows of white powder (no, not anthrax) seemed to stretch for miles
With a blast and a jolt sure to make you smile
The smoke from the bongs and the hookahs was everywhere
With hopes that stoner St. Nick soon would be there

We opened our presents, and what did we see?
Dildoes, vibrators, pocket rockets, love dolls-- and a butt plug for me!
The lights were all dimmed, and the groping began
Does it really matter if you're caressing a woman or a man?
Love the woman next to you-- and her husband, too!
As long as love is what truly motivates you
The gals were all panting and dripping in their sexy underwear
With hopes that kinky St. Nick soon would be there

So forget about global depression, Bush's police state, and starving Afghanis
Put on your naughtiest costume, and leave the kids with the nannies!
Tonight we'll party like there's no tomorrow
'Cause the future that's coming looks filled with sorrow
But away, cheerless thoughts, tonight there's room only for mindless joy!
We'll chase all our pleasures until they thoroughly cloy
At last I twitched, and she threw off her mantle blue
Tomorrow to fresh debacles, and struggles new

--December 23, 2001