A Bus Trip through a small city

I
and yet not I:
COMPLETELY OTHER
some beat phoenix risen
from the ashes
of terrified insanity

the same wide blue eyes
with the same long lashes
but the game is changed:
all but reversed
right has often become wrong
and vica-versa

The other day
on a local bus
there was an interesting display of humanity:
toward the back was a stunning blonde
with positively idyllic smiling blue eyes

sharing my seat
was a well-dressed, middle-aged black man
with a pleasant and intelligent demeanour

just behind me were a couple of rough necks
(one with a free smile
and a bag of golf clubs)
the other talked gruffly and too loudly

Aside from that,
the bus was silent:
just men and women of different professions, races, and ideals
amiably sharing a short ride:
thinking maybe of what spices to toss in tonight's casserole,
an evening match on a pleasant public tennis court,
or perhaps of hiring a favorite lady escort

It was a beautiful scene, ya know
it seems to me now...
a so rare glimpse of the real "American Dream."
But I was rife with confusion,
my young-old muscles writhed in pain
and my mental state
might be described as insane

The rays of the sun
reached my mind's eye
not in clear rays of illumination,
but as if reflected through a cut crystal: separate
my emerald ego calling for joy and confidence,
the pink of my inner poet observing
a Buddha-like old cowboy,
the yellow of my terror
looking almost eagerly for a threat,
(the thrilling dry forest hills trying
to say something "I"
thought I couldn't hear,)
the reds of my anger willing
the two talkers to shut the fuck up,
the green of my jealously
envying the healthier people about me,
the blues of my composure
carefully looking for my stop
(the route was new to me.)

I got off the bus
and walked toward home
stopping on the sidewalk for a while...
for some idle minutes a sort of amnesiac,
then pushing on

The next day,
today,
I ate a good dose of red mushrooms
which looked and tasted
as they should
(foul, it might be said)
but which had little effect
except that the energy was very good

And so
in these twilight hours,
for the first time in a good while
not feeling angry and weary,
I really tried to write with honesty
(it's not the first time you see)