A Butterfly

Rising
On a magic carpet
Propelled upwards
By countless pulsing volts
And left
Suspended
Waiting
Like the Hindenburg
LZ 129
Eyes ablaze
Memory leeching
To return
Eventually
To the gurney from hell.

Erratic
Like a broken watch
Still managing to function
Deliver the sanguine flow
But disturbing
Because its different
Not acceptable
Vanilla
How appropriately
Me

Changed
In the time it took to rip Me open
Gut Me like a fish
Be repaired
Stuffed
With chestnuts roasted
Or so it seemed
When finally I awoke
Under blinding lights
Without much sense of anything
Except a feeling of abandonment
Rejection
Like God had spat Me out
Turning His omnipotent back
Slamming Heavens gates
Once again in My face

I rebelled
Attempted to reject good fortune
Treated every bite of sustenance as poison
Until under pressure
I relented
Accepted life and recovery as inevitable
A necessity to make My charges content
Because that is what we do
The Responsible
The cherished
The serviced
The few

I had wanted to die
Begged to be released
Incised like a cancer
Banished like a bastard child
Have My guilt erased
In one great power wash
Then be forgotten
Except for the few positives
I had managed
Accidentally

I was a failure
In everything but self-destruction
Grasping defeat from the jaws of victory
At every given opportunity
Loved far too much
Believed far too easily
Questioned rarely
And trusted
Always trusted
When Lucifer had My tongue
And used it
Endlessly

Like a butterfly I danced
From flower to flower
Picking at the pollen
Tasting the nectar
And never satisfied
Moved onwards ever onwards
Taking greater risks
Higher odds
Hoping that the guillotine would fall
At last
Beheading
Ending
The wild descent
Into self-absorption