A Clouded World

Awakening in the morning to the same clouded world,
My view permanently blocked by an array of distortion,
Again the same old thing, i breathe, breathing in smoke,
The smoke delinquished and dispersed throughout,
Mind and body now clouded, why did i awaken?

I sit, i sit and wonder, wondering deep down, why bother,
Infatuated by indiscretions of unappreciation,
My mind clears a little as i manage to drink from a cup,
Could this be a holy grail to keep me here, i doubt it,S
ighing i stand, huh... am i a boy or a man?

I reach for acceptance, may have well be a closed hand,
Nothing there to take hold of, nothing ever there,
I pull back my reach clutching my chest, panic settles,
Attack after attack, anxiety determined to destroy me,
Yet im still here, why... why dont i just give in?

Run away, drop down to be a feast for the birds,
These thoughts ever prominant in my mind,
Stuck in my head those feelings will never surpass,
Now your wondering what the question will be,
Well its not will i end it. Its more a question of, when?