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Click hereSailing serenely on the Safire soaked sea.
Whilst in another world a benign bull sits under his cork tree.
Back to the barge and a pale gaze set upon shimmering haze.
When all of a sudden willowy white weavings smear the sky as if it were ablaze.
Perhaps it was a Prussian poet of an azure airy aviary? Suppose it were a skywriter?
Whatever the which, this smoke was getting whiter.
The writer was gone before the ground could grab him.
What could have happened to him something, pleasant, promising, Gruesome, grim?
A stitch in time and an unsung crime for those who forget the rhyme.
This tear in space, like a wound left open silently saying all in due time.
A terrible thought thunders through two travelers.
The fairytale Ferdinand flicks his tail at a fly that is this thought.
While a scarred sailor solemnly surrenders to the scene as it were sought
Under the tree of cork Ferdinand frees a tear for a sailor that slipped by him in a dream
And the dearly departed sailor sets sail down an even older stream.
Alliteration's fine
Lose the rhyme ~ it sounds like words are massaged to fit in a rhyme.
On the other hand,
You could keep the rhyme and lose alliteration;
It's just the two together that makes this piece so 'busy'.
I disagree. I don't find the rhyme scheme objectionable, but I do find the alliteration a little overdone. It is OK as an exercise, but as so many have told me, a little goes a long way. When the alliteration draws attention away from the poem's meaning you are weakening, not strengthening your work. - I know because I do this all the time. ;)
This is an imaginative poem and the alliteration here makes your language leap when read out loud. One point: think about getting rid of the ryhme scheme, imho it would sound better not written in ryhming couplets as you've done here.
Good work!