- Non-Erotic Poetry
- A Dream of Love
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I fell in love last night…
In a dream.
The feeling still lingers
Like the scent of perfume
In the air after a woman walks by,
Like the smell of cigarette smoke,
After bar time, only I want
To keep it, hold it, make it real.
As any good dream, only flashes remain
A caress, a sound, the vision of flowing,
Deep, dark hair.
I’m slowly losing grip on that feeling,
Even with my eyes closed,
I cannot bring it back.
There is an emptiness there now;
Did she die when my eyes opened this morning?
Desperation for something,
that only existed within my mind,
a transient, faceless woman.
Please, bring her back, I want to know her.
- COMMENTS
RhymeFairyover 18 years agoI love the feeling of this poem.
A dream within a dream of a woman. Nice n sensual. Can feel your grasping want ... to know, and feel her.
I would also change the last line, maybe where it is not so suddenly *thrust* out at us, ending so quickly etc.
Just the last line, the rest is perfecto in imagery and want~
LeBrozover 18 years agoLike this best of the two you have today.
Reading through it, I find the last line disappoints;
it's like a statement of fact, a report of desire:
"Please, bring her back, I want to know her."
A thought, on the fly, is that this could be more powerful,
and expressive of emotion with a change in "want"....
"Wanting her back, wanting to know her."
This way it seems to convey a feeling of grasping at an ethereal image that you want to be real in the here and now, not something that passed you in a dream...
Anonymousover 18 years agoSome very nice lines. Thank you for the read!
You might want to think about making the ending less obvious and therefor better.
Jennifer Cover 18 years agoYour poem was mentioned in Saturdays Reviews,
Thanks for sharing.
~ JC
(In the poetry feedback and discussion thread on the bulletin board)
